Love & Marriage
How to Help Your Marriage: Don't Be a Jerk
Every time I go away, my husband decides it's the perfect time to do major home improvement projects, which makes so much sense since he's alone with four children.
I know I should be grateful because it's awesome to have someone who is so ambitious, but the problem is that the projects never actually get done. The ceiling in the girls' room is still unpainted. Our shower was unusable for a week. And what exactly are the kids doing while he's putting in our closet? Honestly, it becomes more of a hassle than a help.
But since my goal for 2013 is to work on my marriage, I've been trying to change my attitude. And maybe, just maybe, it's working.
While I was in New York City throwing a party, my husband decided to redo our kids' bathroom, and like times before, when I returned, it was still incomplete. No light, no sink, and no working shower.
And like times before, I moaned and groaned, and gave him a pretty hard time about starting something and not finishing it. He apologized and told me that he wanted to surprise me and "Hey, see the cool new hooks on the wall and the nice paint!" to which I looked, then sighed as I always do.
Basically, I was a complete jerk.
After thinking about how I had spoken to him, I realized a few important things:
1. His intention was not to annoy me, but surprise me and make me happy. He was trying to do something awesome.
2. The bathroom wasn't really in use in the first place, except for the sink, and considering we have two other bathrooms, it was a minor inconvenience for the kids to move for a couple of days until he finished.
3. I would probably have never done the bathroom myself, so it was either have him do it and get it half done for now, or me never do it all.
Then I felt really bad for being a jerk.
Now look, there are a few things he could have done as well, like get some help to finish the project, or find a sitter so he could get more done. As incredible as the intention of this is, I think it's important to be realistic and understand the time involved.
But still, I decided that the good outweighed the inconvenient in this case, and told him so with a card. Nothing fancy, just a word of thanks to acknowledge his effort.
Apparently even though the sink and the light weren't working in the bathroom, the mirror was. Glad I stopped to take a look.
What stuff does your partner do that usually annoys you but really might actually be awesome?
Replies
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He keeps track of every single penny in our budget. This is annoying because he calls me his little embezzler. It's awesome because we are so financially secure. lol
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Aww, that's cute! I can't think of anything right now that annoys me about him, but I'll be on the lookout with an eagerness to find the good in it!
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Um...he. makes me laugh when I'm trying to be mad at him. Humps on me when I'm cooking and washing the dishes -
He drives me insane whenever he tries to clean anything...mostly because he doesn't do it the way I would do it...He doesn't do a bad job, he does a great job, I guess it's just thr order he does things, or maybe how he prioritizes...I'm not really sure what exactly bugs me about it, probably the fact that I don't think he should be doing any of that in the first place. Anyway, it's awesome that atleast he tries to help out sometimes when I don't ask, even though it bugs me lol
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My husband humps me ALL THE TIME. I cut myself shaving once cuz he kept thrusting into me. Lol. I love it though. It makes me feel attractive after just having a baby.
Quoting amanda81919:
Um...he. makes me laugh when I'm trying to be mad at him. Humps on me when I'm cooking and washing the dishes
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He waits until the last minute to do things around the house BUT when he does it, he does it good! lol
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He is very financially responsible (I'm trying to say 'cheap' nicely!) This is actually a good thing, since I am a little bit flighty with money, and he has managed to reign me in and keep our family out of debt for fifteen years. Also, he is very emotionally restrained and stoic, to the point where I get frustrated and wonder if he has any feelings at all at times! However, I think this is one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place... I grew up with a mom who had a lot of angry outbursts, and went through severe depression in my teens and was very unstable at some times in my life. So the emotional distance that sometimes puts me off is also something that makes me feel safe, and balances my more emotional tendencies out. Dh is very much 'the responsible guy.' Which is annoying at times, but at the same time has probably saved me from myself repeatedly over the past decade. And hopefully I've helped him have a bit more fun than he would have otherwise! We compliment each other well.
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I love it, but he's almost pushed me into a hot open oven plenty of times.
Quoting Mrsfarr:
My husband humps me ALL THE TIME. I cut myself shaving once cuz he kept thrusting into me. Lol. I love it though. It makes me feel attractive after just having a baby.
Quoting amanda81919:
Um...he. makes me laugh when I'm trying to be mad at him. Humps on me when I'm cooking and washing the dishes
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Lol. They love us so much, they want to murder us...
Quoting amanda81919:
I love it, but he's almost pushed me into a hot open oven plenty of times.
Quoting Mrsfarr:
My husband humps me ALL THE TIME. I cut myself shaving once cuz he kept thrusting into me. Lol. I love it though. It makes me feel attractive after just having a baby.
Quoting amanda81919:
Um...he. makes me laugh when I'm trying to be mad at him. Humps on me when I'm cooking and washing the dishes
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This. Lol exactly this. Hes a good cleaner, the order he does things or the way he does things for example instead of a sink of hot soapy water to wipe down the kitchen he used a bottle of kitchen cleaner. Or he uses paper towels instead of a rag or sponge to clean the bathroom lol. Little things but they bug me cuz its wasteful. I try not to say anything cuz his help is so appreciated but yea lol its like really?!
Quoting MamaScho88:
He drives me insane whenever he tries to clean anything...mostly because he doesn't do it the way I would do it...He doesn't do a bad job, he does a great job, I guess it's just thr order he does things, or maybe how he prioritizes...I'm not really sure what exactly bugs me about it, probably the fact that I don't think he should be doing any of that in the first place. Anyway, it's awesome that atleast he tries to help out sometimes when I don't ask, even though it bugs me lol