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nsparky1964
let it go or...
February 4, 2013 at 4:46 PM
Long back story, but dh has a friend that I don't like as a person, nor trust as a woman...to appease my dh, I voluntarily took the high road and offered my friendship three times to her..thinking that perhaps our very first meeting was just a bad one..none of my intensions accepted...
About two months ago we got into a tiff, not a fight just a tiff..he went out that night, drank a few beers, and shot some pool...we live in a small town, so of course the rumor mill went crazy on how dh was there with her...when I found out about he meeting up with her, I confronted him, told him it was not OK for the town to tell me this, regardless if it was platonic...that he should of...
There have been inappropriate text msg sent a long time ago by him, and only when he's been drunk, and has meet up with her for drinks, or just running into each other..he says its "just drunk talk, that he doesn't mean any of it".. I say drunk men tell no lies..and now he knows that being drunk, is not an excuse whatsoever...
Friday night we where talking and he told me that she texted him saying "I'm sorry"..his response was its cool"...then he said to me I know and understand why you're not OK with her I get it....
My question is..do I ask him, 1) what is she sorry for if nothing happen..
2) what's cool?
3) instead of bitching at me about her and singing her praises have you mentioned to her how I've offered friendship numerous times, and have even invited her to parties/bonfires/cookouts..but she doesn't accept, but will come into OUR home to socialize..
4) what exactly do you understand, and what are you cool with....
Or leave it be?
I am not an insecure woman, jealousy IMO, is a wasted emotion, however, what I've read in text from long ago I can not help but feel a bit out of joint...he says, that if he wanted to sleep with her, he could of done so a long time ago..but didn't...she has history of sleeping with married men for sport ( idk if true, but I do know she's had a relationship with a married man, broke up their marriage,,,it was years and years ago, however, she has slept with a married man.....

Replies

  • Nunyabusiness
    February 4, 2013 at 4:49 PM

    Trust your gut and ask him.

  • C.Fleury
    February 4, 2013 at 4:50 PM
    I'd be asking him more questions. Also why would he want to hang out with her knowing he's married. As far as she sounds, scum bag. Lower than low. She's not worth your friendship. I'd be putting an end to that crap
  • CharlotteRose
    February 4, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    First of all, out of respect for your marriage your DH can find a male friend to go out and hang with doesn't need to be a female kwim?  Im not saying that your DH can't have any friends that are female its that you dislike this person and she isn't trust worthy to me is enough for your DH to end the relationship.  Yr DH should be spending his quality time w/you and the family not his friend and this friend needs to respect that.  I went through a very similar situation about a year ago w/my SO if you want to chat in private pls IM me - Im here for ya!  Too me she doesn't even sound like a very good friend to even have around male or female 

  • CharlotteRose
    February 4, 2013 at 5:00 PM

    Why do women do that?  My SO and I have many friends that are of the opposite sex but out of respect for each other we would never meet up alone.  I had to lol when you said scum bag great choice of words!!! 


    Quoting C.Fleury:

    I'd be asking him more questions. Also why would he want to hang out with her knowing he's married. As far as she sounds, scum bag. Lower than low. She's not worth your friendship. I'd be putting an end to that crap



  • C.Fleury
    February 4, 2013 at 5:03 PM
    Scum bag came to mind first !!! I agree my husband and I don't meet up with opposite sex without each other and if we do it isn't shady crap like that

    Quoting CharlotteRose:

    Why do women do that?  My SO and I have many friends that are of the opposite sex but out of respect for each other we would never meet up alone.  I had to lol when you said scum bag great choice of words!!! 



    Quoting C.Fleury:

    I'd be asking him more questions. Also why would he want to hang out with her knowing he's married. As far as she sounds, scum bag. Lower than low. She's not worth your friendship. I'd be putting an end to that crap




  • CharlotteRose
    February 4, 2013 at 5:07 PM


    Exactly!!! 

    Quoting C.Fleury:

    Scum bag came to mind first !!! I agree my husband and I don't meet up with opposite sex without each other and if we do it isn't shady crap like that

    Quoting CharlotteRose:

    Why do women do that?  My SO and I have many friends that are of the opposite sex but out of respect for each other we would never meet up alone.  I had to lol when you said scum bag great choice of words!!! 



    Quoting C.Fleury:

    I'd be asking him more questions. Also why would he want to hang out with her knowing he's married. As far as she sounds, scum bag. Lower than low. She's not worth your friendship. I'd be putting an end to that crap






  • xoxRachelxox
    February 4, 2013 at 5:33 PM

    If it's something that is on your mind and bothering you, then I would talk with him about it.

    I wouldn't be okay with that. I would be upset with dh if he went out for drinks with someone he knows I don't like or want him with.

  • finlyhappy65
    February 4, 2013 at 7:04 PM

    I agree it's more the respect for you than what he may possibly be doing.  My SO's exwife recently contacted him and he tells me every time she calls him, etc...and she has asked him to come over or go to the bar to hang out and he politely tells her that he's with me and it would not be respectful of our relationship.

  • nsparky1964
    February 4, 2013 at 7:17 PM
    Exactly!.
    He also has one fem friends, thats he's asked out for just a beer/bs..she always asks if im with him (most time I am), if by some chance im not, she WONT go ...we are friendly, ive never had issues with her/him/them..she respects him, me and our marriage..
    This seriously messes me up, I DONT want to he that wife that dictates whom and whim he can hang with, I have no issue if you respect me/dh/our marriage, but do somethibg shady (both of them) and im not ok


    Quoting finlyhappy65:

    I agree it's more the respect for you than what he may possibly be doing.  My SO's exwife recently contacted him and he tells me every time she calls him, etc...and she has asked him to come over or go to the bar to hang out and he politely tells her that he's with me and it would not be respectful of our relationship.


  • KyrinM
    by KyrinM
    February 4, 2013 at 7:18 PM

    My guess is that she tried to come onto him while he was drunk & mad at you, & he rebuffed her.  So she was apologizing to him for stepping over the line.  That she acknowledges her behavior was inappropriate is a good thing.  That he turned her down is even better.  At this point, since you have tried multiple times to be friends with this woman & she is having nothing to do with it, then it is time for your husband to evaluate this friendship & figure out if there is any reason to keep it.  Sometimes we just have to realize that old friendships get outgrown & you need to let them go when they are no longer a positive in your life, and it doesn't sound like this "friend" of his is.  You can't hold on just for old times sake, not when they obviously are hostile to your wife, I wouldn't keep any friend male or female who wasn't willing to even try to get to know my husband & try to be friends.  If they still hate each other after making an effort, then I would consider dropping the friend, because being in the middle wouldn't be good.

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