me and my so have been together since Aug of 06 and its a long story but his ex and i were bestfirends she died when their daughter (who is now 6) was 3 wks old. and that was may of 06. and then just the other night he pretty much tells me he's still in love with his ex. and Idk what to do. we've been trying or well I've been trying to make this marriage work and its like he don't c are. Idk what to do.
he knows she died right? hard to be jealous of someone he cannot be with overall. Maybe he never really resolved his feelings for her and sad to say but you were more than likely his rebound and his way of trying to still be with her by being with the best friend of the woman he lost. Im sorry but you should have realized what he was going through at the time and been his friend and nothing more until he was able to grieve fully. Yes I think he needs counseling to get past his grief and see if you two could still move on together.
Now, YOU. You need to do some soul searching and ask yourself if you are ok with being 2nd place for the rest of your life, because you will be. You will spend the rest of your life never being #1 in your husband's heart and always living with the ghost of a dead former wife/girlfriend. You were her best friend, you remind him of her. Every time he looks at his daughter, he'll think of her. You can't win here. If you are ok with being second choice for the rest of your life, so be it, but I wouldn't want to live that way. I'm betting you stepped in after her death to help him and "romantic" feelings started there? He rebounded.
He will probably always been in love with her, he didn't chose to not be with her. I have a friend that was married and his wife died..he got remarried and his wears both his wedding rings....his first wife's ring is on his right hand he current wife's ring is on his left hand.
You both should go to counseling together and separate. I think you can work through this.
How long were they together? If it wasn't that long he's probably covered her with gold and put her on a pedestal. It's easy to do when you haven't had to fight in the trenches with someone. Life's little hiccups are tough and since he didn't encounter them with her he probably thinks she would have handled it all much better than you because....he never saw different.