I have been talking to a wonderful man for the past four months. He and I went to high school together, but lost touch. Fourteen years later, he found me on facebook and the rest is history. We talk just about every day and night. It's going just the way I would want any kind of relationship to start out, slowly. He is a gentleman. We don't chat about anything sexual, which is great. I never did feel comfortable with those kinds of chats (you know, start talking to someone, you think they're great, and then they pull out the "I want to have sex with you before we really get to know each other, card). Our kids have not met. One because he just went through a divorce, and I won't let my son meet anyone I would like to date (right away). Perfect, right? Sadly no.
Here's the problem. In a few months, my family (mother, grandmother, me and my son) and I are moving to Georgia. He and I talked about my son and me moving back to my hometown up by St. Louis , which is where he and his family still live. But my mother and grandmother cannot afford to live up there. Plus I couldn't stand the thought of my son growing up without my mom around, especially since he just lost his grandfather almost 2 years ago. With my friend, he has joint legal custody of his children, who are still young, so he doesn't want to move anywhere far away. I completely understand that, and would never ask him to choose. So we both have things we aren't willing to compromise on, with good reason.
It is extremely selfish for us to still talk the way we do, but it is so hard for me to just let go. I know it's not going to go anywhere, but I can't just give him up yet. To be honest, I've never been in this situation before and I don't even know the first thing to say to him. Of course I want us to be friends, but we're both going to get hurt and that is something I don't want to happen (not that I can avoid it).
Please knock some sense into me! lol.
January 22 at 2:34 AM
I had thought of that as well. But by the time his youngest is 18, we will be well into our 40's lol. I'm not sure either one of us will want to have a long distance relationship for that long. It just all seems so right...this is what happens when my brain doesn't shut off for the night lol.
by jmlmommaJanuary 22 at 8:58 AM
hmm... I'm thinking that unless your mom and grandmother are depending on you then you should focus on your happiness and maybe the even your son's by having a man involved in his life..(if the guy is as good as you think he is).. KWIM? You can't "give up your life" for your mom and grandmother...Your child is another story, however not living close to them is not going to hurt him.
January 22 at 10:26 AM
Thank you for your reply jmlmomma. It's my choice to move with my mother and grandmother. We are all extremely close and I'm not giving up my happiness :). We had all decided to do this before my friend came into the picture. We aren't like some families who are okay with living in different states and visiting each other only on holidays. We do many things together and have become even closer after my father's passing. It's just a tough situation. My friend is also very close to his family. So I wouldn't ask him to move just to be with me, and he wouldn't do that to me either. To me, giving up my life would mean moving some place with my mother and grandmother where I would not be happy at all; or staying where we are just to appease them. But that's not the case. I'm moving to a place I've always wanted to live. The only problem is that my friend can't go with us. With all due respect, unless you know me and my child personally, telling me what will or won't hurt him is not for you to decide or say. It will hurt him not to be close to his family because that is what he has always known. We have instilled in him how important family is, and he has seen it with his own eyes too. When he lost his grandfather, it took him quite a while to adjust to the fact that he wasn't coming back. That was a lot for him to deal with at six. So not everything is black or white :). Plus, my son is very happy even not having a "man" in his life. I have made sure of that. When the time is right, he will have a man in his life. Timing is everything. Sorry, I don't know what "KWIM" is.
Lindalou907, that has been talked about as well...him coming down to visit eventually. You and Keim have said the same thing a couple of other friends of mine have said. Hmm...seems like this might not be such a bad thing after all :).