first let me say that i truly love my husband and he is a wonderful father, but he has too many rules for me. I can have a part-time job, but not a career. I can have my own money, but not pay any bills even if he can't afford them. I am expected to let him be the caregiver of the house and not be able to buy my self shampoo or lady products. I have a bed time. Yes i know, that is probably the worst of all. If i'm not in bed when he's ready for bed, i've betrayed his trust. I can go to college part-time, but only as a hobby. I do not have a drivers license so the only time i can leave the house and actually go somewhere is if he is not too busy or tired to drive. He buys me chocolate sometimes, but if he buys anything else its usually only for him. Moves, video games, clothes, etc. I feel smothered. I love him, but i don't feel like he really loves me anymore. I feel like he's always trying to change me. I used to have a life, now i don't even have friends or family close by because we moved far away for him. Am I being paranoid or is he too controlling and i need to stand up for myself? How do i stand up for myself without bringing tension?
WOW.. Is he controlling?!?! Seriously?? Does this sound in any way normal to you? A bedtime!! OMG, what are you 5?
Come on girl WAKE UP. That is abusive controlling. Not even slightly, completely abusive control. You need to tell him he needs to relax these "rule" or you are going to talk to a counselor and have him come along so you can find a happy medium.
communication is the key to a marriage, you both need to find time to sit and talk to each other and for you to really let him know how you feel. Your husband should be your best friend and partner in life, not your dad who tells you what you can and cannot do. Good luck!
No, I'm sorry, you said he views it as a betrayal of trust if you don't go to bed when he does - that has nothing to do with concern for your health - he doesn't trust you to be awake when he is not (think about how insane that sounds) - that is control on the border of abuse....have you ever done anything in your relationship to make him not trust you to this level? is he this mistrusting of people in general?
He claims its because of my unusual sleep schedule and that its for my health
We do do that and its goes ok for awhile then its back to the old routine, do this do that and do it when i want it. And your right i do feel like a child, he used to make me feel like a queen. I'm trying to change myself to make him happy and in turn making myself feel well slightly more and more unhappy.
I see so many read flags when I read this post. You asked if he was controlling and my answer would be a definite yes. He is trying to control all areas within your life so that he can control you. With this control, his irrational anxiety and fears of you leaving are somewhat alleviated. Along with this, he has isolated you so that you cannot talk to anyone, thereby, increasing your dependence on him. This is not a healthy relationship for him, you or your kid(s) to grow up in. I would seriously look into counseling for both of you and if at any time you feel unsafe, please leave (find a women's shelter if needed).