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Anyone knowledgable about divorce proceedings? PIOG
January 3, 2013 at 1:12 PM

My brother-in-law (48) is one of the sweetest men that I know. Too sweet actually, and he gets walked all over. He was married to a woman for 17 years, she cheated on him a few years ago and she filed for divorce. He ended up giving her everything she asked for, including $700 month for child support for their 15-year-old and continuing to pay for their mortgage.

He moved to a different state 5 years ago, to be closer to us because he couldn't afford to live on his own after that divorce. While he was living with us he met another woman, "H", online and even though everyone in our family thought she was a rude and disrespectful woman, he ended up marrying her. This was 4 years ago. He was "in love" and just thought that we all misunderstood this crazy woman. She has a daughter who will be 18 at the end of this month. brother-in-law and H haven't really got along at all since they got married, mostly because she's not nice to him at all. She's lazy, won't work, while he worked 3 jobs almost their entire marriage.

Tonight my brother-in-law was served papers. Not just divorce papers, a restraining order as well. H filed paperwork to keep my brother-in-law away from her as well as her 17-year-old daughter, who my brother-in-law is very close to. The daughter texts and phones him all the time and talks to him more than her own mother, who she never really got along with. The daughters real father isn't in the picture and she has called my brother-in-law "Dad" for the past 3 years. H is also claiming that my brother-in-law didn't want her to work while they were married, so she's asking for $1,500 a month in alimony. He works 2 jobs right now but his take home is only about $2300.

H's family thinks she's crazy. Legitimately. They all love my brother-in-law and in fact he is living in a trailer on the property of one of H's brothers. H is one of four children and is the only one who wasn't given direct access to an inheritance that was left to the kids after their mother died. One of H's brothers has control of her inheritance money and gives her a set amount every month. One of her family members thinks that she has been going to a women's shelter and telling them that she's in an abusive marriage, to get help with the divorce papers and the restraining order. This is her third marriage and she was supposedly abused by the first two men. The last one she divorced and got $20,000 from him as part of the divorce settlement. She's an evil vindictive person. H listed her brothers wife as the only person who could "mediate" between my brother-in-law and H and her daughter, in regards to the restraining order. The brothers wife thinks she's crazy and called the daughter to let her know what was happening, and to let her know that if she texts her dad, my brother-in-law, then he can't answer her. The daughter started crying hysterically and then H was in the background yelling at her, saying that she shouldn't care about her dad any more because he was no longer going to be in their lives.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with alimony and/or restraining orders. Do you think that someone would be able to get $1,500 a month for alimony if the other person only makes $2,300 and they were only married for 4 years? The alimony request is for two years also. They don't have any kids together and live in an apartment. We are also in Oregon, if that matters.

Thank you for any help/advice...


  • beaugrl0824
    January 3, 2013 at 1:16 PM
    I wouldn't agree to a damn thing if I were your brother. I would tell her to see me in divorce court and get a damn good lawyer.
  • beaugrl0824
    January 3, 2013 at 1:22 PM
    Here is a link to state guidelines for
  • JustThe10ofUs
    January 3, 2013 at 1:34 PM
    She won't get alimony out of a 4 yr marriage. Lmao! He wouldn't "let her work" hahahaha!! If that was a problem for her, she should have left sooner.

    ITA...your BIL needs to lawyer up and not agree to anything. Its a shame he can't just get the marriage annulled.
  • GirlieGal76
    January 3, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    Thank you for the link!

    We are going to help with a lawyer because my BIL doesn't make that much. H was working as a maid when they first got married but she complained that she didn't see her daughter often enough, so my BIL got a third job to help supplement their income. She did try to get another job last year, and worked at it for 3 days, but then said that it was too hard for her to "get going" in the mornings so she quit.

    Unfortunately, I know that none of her family will try to get her commited or anything like that. They all think she's mental, but not enough so that they think she's a danger to her or her daughter. To me, it's a fine line. It just makes me sick that she's making things up just to try and get money out of him.

  • GirlieGal76
    January 3, 2013 at 10:25 PM

    The only lawyer that was able to meet with him today ended up calling him back an hour after making the appointment, to say it would be a conflict of interest and that he couldn't represent him. Basically H has already retained that lawyer. BIL tried contacting other lawyers today but got voicemails, or was told that the lawyers had too many cases right now. Apparently there aren't a lot of divorce lawyers in Bend so we're trying to stay positive and hopeful that he will find someone soon.

  • GirlieGal76
    January 5, 2013 at 3:31 PM

    Well, my BIL talked with a lawyer last night and he's even more bummed now. He can get the restraining order lifted, no problem, but the lawyer said H can drag this out if she wants and he thinks it would be in my BIL's best interest to settle. Apparently she did this same exact thing to her last husband and ended up getting a $20,000 settlement just so she would leave him alone. I'm even more pissed now! This just doesn't seem right at all!

  • iamadramamomma
    January 5, 2013 at 4:30 PM
    All I know is that I have been married 8 horrible years and I am only entitled to 2-3 years of alimony and child support until they r 21.
    January 5, 2013 at 4:32 PM

    If there are no kids invovled I don't see a judge ordering any money to her, but you never know. He may have to pay something for a year or two. He needs to chose his women better.

  • MomToovey
    January 5, 2013 at 5:17 PM

     I don't have any advice, but I wanted to give you a bump

  • jmjdj
    by jmjdj
    January 5, 2013 at 5:47 PM
    I live in Texas so I'm not sure if the laws are the same but here if it's not an agreed divorce (meaning anything will be challenged) it's common to file a TRO (temporary restraining order) against the other party. However, it has more to do with making sure neither party sells assets, etc. It kept him from being able to come in my house and take property and stuff like that. And if you file that way it is in place for both parties. I filed my divorce this way on the advice of my attorney. It also meant I could get a hearing for temporary orders for child support until it was finalized.

    Texas is not an alimony state so I can't help you there but it seems unrealistic to believe they she'll get 1500 a month. But again...I have no idea.

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