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deeds99
How to get out of the "friend zone"
by deeds99
December 6, 2012 at 9:28 PM

I have been friends with this guy for a long time.  We went to middle & high school together, but lost touch after graduation.  We got back in touch 4 years ago, we're now in our early 30's.  We are best friends.  I can talk about anything with him, and he with me.  I'm the one he called when his dad passed away, and I went with him to the nursing home to help collect his things.  We've been in a few fights, as best friends sometimes do, and always end up friends in the end.  We've been on vacations together, shared hotel rooms, and always have a great time.

He's never been married, no long-term girlfriend ever, and no kids.  I am divorced (have been for five years now) and have a daughter whom he loves - and she loves him, too.  The three of us do a lot of things together.

He and I have never done anything intimate or sexual.  I've hinted... and got no where.  About 2 years ago, I flat out asked him if he was attracted to me that way and his answer was 'no."  That made it awkard for me, so our friendship took a break for about a year.  But we're back to being great friends and he said he missed me when stopped hanging out.

He moved to Texas almost a year ago for work and I miss him so much.  We talk on the phone everyday and text constantly.  He's coming home to see family over Christmas break.  I'm the one picking him up from the airport, and when he came home before (over the summer), he spent most of his time with my daughter and me instead of his family.

I try to keep my feelings under control, but the truth is that I love him.  We have SO much in common, laugh together, cry together and always have a great time.   How do I get out of the friend zone? 

Replies

  • MomToovey
    December 6, 2012 at 10:12 PM

     Wow, that's a tough one. It's possible that his feelings could have changed in 2 years, but honestly, if he's going to be honest with you and say that he's just not into you that way, I'd probably let it go. If there were any possibilty of something more for him, he wouldn't have given such a direct answer.

    I have to ask, and I'm not trying to be insensitive, but are you sure he's straight? I only ask, because I actually dated a guy who sounds pretty much exactly like your friend, and it turned out that he was gay. I know that your friend isn't my friend and just because they're similar doesn't mean they're the same, but I couldn't help but see the similarities nonetheless.

    I guess I don't really have any advice, I'm sorry for that. Good luck

  • MrsImperfect
    December 7, 2012 at 12:30 PM

     Tell him how you feel thats the only way.

  • OHgirlinCA
    December 7, 2012 at 12:32 PM

     I think you just have to come to terms with the fact that he's just not that into you and you will likely never be more than friends.

  • hippiechik3
    December 7, 2012 at 1:00 PM

    I have a friend like that but I dont have feeling for him in that way. He is gay.

  • pittymama
    December 7, 2012 at 2:15 PM

    does he know 100% how you feel?

    i had a best friend (a man) and he was awesome, the best friend i ever had. after 2 years he told me he was in love with me and i tried to feel that way about him (thinking since we were best friends, we could be more) but it never happened. i wound up breaking his heart and we couldn't be friends after that.

    do you think you can distinguish between how you're feeling and the reality of what your relationship is? this doesn't seem like a "how do i get out of the friend zone" type of situation because it seems like you're just his really good (if not best) friend.

    Have you asked him how he's feeling NOW?

  • Hottmomma607
    December 7, 2012 at 2:34 PM
    I would say have an open discussion with him! You never know?
  • Fairegirl33
    December 7, 2012 at 2:53 PM

     Well you need to first consider this.... if you talk to him and tell him how you feel and he doesn't feel the same, it will most likely ruin your friendship.  Are you willing to lose that ?

     

  • mrsfitz05
    December 7, 2012 at 4:55 PM

     well, if you tell him, you could lose a really good friend. but can you really go on like this forever if you don't ever know? I think you have to tell him what you feel and hope IF he doesn't feel the same your friendship can survive.

  • Kathleenplus1
    December 7, 2012 at 5:08 PM

    wow...that's hard...um first off are you or have you dated people while you were friends with him? If yes does he react to you being with another man around him? Has he had girlfriends while friends with you? My advise is pretty high schoolish ...just get drunk together and try and kiss him if he flips you can always so your sooo sorry the next day it was the booze...That's how I would do it because i'm a chicken I could never ask a guy to his face how he felt...oh and is he maybe a player? Is that why no long term girlfriends?

  • Serenity7
    December 7, 2012 at 6:19 PM

     Tell him how you feel

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