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ashleigh24
Separation?? *small update* *another update** FINAL UPDATE!!!!!!
November 19, 2012 at 8:31 PM
Has anyone ever been through a separation and if so how did it work for you? Did the time apart help bring you closer together or further apart? My hubby and I are talking about doing it and I'm so confused with all my feelings. I know I don't want him to go but I don't want him or I unhappy :( Also what did you tell your kids? My dd is 6 so she will be asking where is he so I have no idea what to say. Any advice will help. Thanks in advance :)









UPDATE* so far we are still trying to find an apartment for him. Sucks that we have to spend all this money but I think we both need this. I finally got to the bottom of it and he thinks I'm not in love with him anymore. It really does make sense though. I am just so bored with life lately. I told him I really need to think about us and it is hard to do with him here. We have been through this crap way too much. I know you all don't know everything but for the last year or so it has been horrible. I'm miserable and just didn't want to admit it. I am really trying to think of myself now (I know selfish but if I don't know the truth then in another 6 months we will go through this again) and get to the bottom of this. I need to know if my heart is still in this marriage. I have started the love dare and it is really helping me so far =) I am just currently taking it day to day. Thanks everyone. I'll keep updating as we go along.





***UPDATE...We found my hubby a place where he can be a courtesy officer so rent is cheaper. Thank goodness. He left officially last night. Omg it was so hard for me :-( I didn't realize how much I really liked having him here. I'm all alone in my big ole bed and I hate it. I know I have to get use to it though. He signed a 6 month lease and after that he can do month to month. We hung out today though as a family still. He plans to come almost everyday anyways to see our dd but it is hard at night. Hopefully we can figure out what we want to do within 6 months because I don't think I can handle this for any longer than that. I'm doubting handling it for 6 months already. My dd just thinks he is at work or at the gym. We use both of those. He works a lot anyways so really she won't notice as much during the week. Only weekends will be hard. He is going to stay Christmas Eve and I'm actually really excited about that :-) I know silly but I think I'm realizing just how bad I treated him before :-( I'm stepping back and trying to see from his point of view and man I was not so nice. I want to be a good mother and wife. I need to slow down and stop stressing so much about little things. I'm learning so much about myself though. Thanks for reading this and letting me kinda vent. I've got to get this off my chest. I'll keep everyone updated. Still taking it day to day though.

FINAL UPDATE....we are divorcing! We finally realized that we were not happy with each other anymore. I am not in love with him and he is not in love with me. We both changed too much and don't like each other's new personalities. I tried to hide me for a long time. Tried to be someone I wasn't because I didn't want our marriage to fail but really that made things worse. I am sooooooo much happier now!! I've lost weight and I'm taking good care of myself. Love having plenty of time with my dd without all the stress of taken care of my grown ass husband. 14 more days and we will be legally divorced :-) I know usually divorce is sad and depressing but it really isn't for me. We told our dd Tuesday that he is living somewhere else for now. She is too young to go into details and the word divorce I think will scare her. She is taking it pretty good. She is excited about Greg's new place. She asked him if she could have a Justin bieber room there :-) lol love my baby girl. My stbxh and I are doing much better this way though honestly!! He is absorbed in work and I am having fun with my daycare kids and my dd. I love my job and my life soooo much! I didn't know I could be this happy without a man!!!!!!!! Life is great!!! Never thought I would be this happy when I'm getting a divorce!! Lol o well shit happens and this is my new life and I'm starting over and becoming an independent woman!!!!

Replies

  • sonnyswoman75
    November 19, 2012 at 8:31 PM
    We seperated and then decided to get a divorce
  • mopargurl
    November 19, 2012 at 8:32 PM

    With my ex, haha, we separated and I realized I was better off alone so we divorced.

  • ashleigh24
    November 19, 2012 at 8:34 PM
    That is what my hubby sayshe is afraid I will realize once he is gone. Maybe I am though.

    Quoting mopargurl:

    With my ex, haha, we separated and I realized I was better off alone so we divorced.

  • ashleigh24
    November 19, 2012 at 8:35 PM
    That seems to be the thing. I guess a separation usually ends in divorce :(

    Quoting sonnyswoman75:

    We seperated and then decided to get a divorce
  • raegan1221
    November 19, 2012 at 8:38 PM

     I'm sorry you're going through this:(. But my ex husband and I were separated for 10 months before our divorce was final. But our situation was probably very different. He was very abusive and I wanted nothing to do with him. I agreed for his sake to do the trial separation. I honestly wanted it over as quickly as possible. I had my mind made up. I knew there was no turning back.

  • Roo1234
    by Roo1234
    November 19, 2012 at 8:42 PM
    there is more to it...why do you want a separation? are you also committing to counseling? date nights? are you going to act as if you are marriedor single during this separation? you need to decide what your goal is...are you going to save the marriage, or is this just a way to start moving on?
  • ashleigh24
    November 19, 2012 at 8:45 PM
    O my I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm glad you got out of it though. Your very strong!! Our problem is my ex (my dd's bio dad). My hubby is still immature when it comes to him. He can't look past the fact that he is her dad and that will never change. We went through really tough times with him and he holds a grudge still. If this does end in divorce I will make sure the next one (if there ever is another man in my life) knows that he is her dad and I'm not looking for a dad for my dd! My hubby came along when my dd was only 2 months old so he has raised her because her dad wasn't around for the first year. Once he came back in it got really hard so I understand my hubby's feelings but he has to realize that her dad will always been in her life no matter what. I'm hoping he will realize that soon.

    Quoting raegan1221:

     I'm sorry you're going through this:(. But my ex husband and I were separated for 10 months before our divorce was final. But our situation was probably very different. He was very abusive and I wanted nothing to do with him. I agreed for his sake to do the trial separation. I honestly wanted it over as quickly as possible. I had my mind made up. I knew there was no turning back.

  • ashleigh24
    November 19, 2012 at 8:49 PM
    Thanks for these questions...I meed to make sure we are in same page. I think we are. He just needs time and space to think about our situation. It is kinda complicated I explained a little bit of our problem already. Counseling is a no go though. No other dating of course. Neither of us want a divorce we just want time apart to make sure we really want this still. We both want to be happy. Date night is a good idea :)

    Quoting Roo1234:

    there is more to it...why do you want a separation? are you also committing to counseling? date nights? are you going to act as if you are marriedor single during this separation? you need to decide what your goal is...are you going to save the marriage, or is this just a way to start moving on?
  • raegan1221
    November 19, 2012 at 8:49 PM

     Thank you for that:).

     I'm sorry you're going through that point blank, dh needs to grow up. I'm sorry...I hope that wasn't hurtful. But have yall thought about marriage counseling? Or I could have missed that. He really needs to hear probably from someone besides you that you're a package deal and that just because your ex is the father of your child it does not mean you want him, etc. I am sure your dh is a good male role model for your daughter but he'll never be her bio father. Good luck, hon:)

    Quoting ashleigh24:

    O my I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm glad you got out of it though. Your very strong!! Our problem is my ex (my dd's bio dad). My hubby is still immature when it comes to him. He can't look past the fact that he is her dad and that will never change. We went through really tough times with him and he holds a grudge still. If this does end in divorce I will make sure the next one (if there ever is another man in my life) knows that he is her dad and I'm not looking for a dad for my dd! My hubby came along when my dd was only 2 months old so he has raised her because her dad wasn't around for the first year. Once he came back in it got really hard so I understand my hubby's feelings but he has to realize that her dad will always been in her life no matter what. I'm hoping he will realize that soon.

    Quoting raegan1221:

     I'm sorry you're going through this:(. But my ex husband and I were separated for 10 months before our divorce was final. But our situation was probably very different. He was very abusive and I wanted nothing to do with him. I agreed for his sake to do the trial separation. I honestly wanted it over as quickly as possible. I had my mind made up. I knew there was no turning back.

     

  • ashleigh24
    November 19, 2012 at 9:01 PM
    Yes thank you!!! He isn't really the counseling type. I've asked but I knew he wouldn't. He isn't totally against it but I doubt that would happen. His mother and everyone he has talked to has told him that I am a package deal (and yes he is a great role model and he does take great care of her) so I really don't know if counseling would help him. He is stubborn and still immature. I'm just hoping he sees that when he goes because I do love him very much and I know he loves me. I just hate that my ex is getting between us basically.

    Quoting raegan1221:

     Thank you for that:).


     I'm sorry you're going through that point blank, dh needs to grow up. I'm sorry...I hope that wasn't hurtful. But have yall thought about marriage counseling? Or I could have missed that. He really needs to hear probably from someone besides you that you're a package deal and that just because your ex is the father of your child it does not mean you want him, etc. I am sure your dh is a good male role model for your daughter but he'll never be her bio father. Good luck, hon:)


    Quoting ashleigh24:

    O my I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm glad you got out of it though. Your very strong!! Our problem is my ex (my dd's bio dad). My hubby is still immature when it comes to him. He can't look past the fact that he is her dad and that will never change. We went through really tough times with him and he holds a grudge still. If this does end in divorce I will make sure the next one (if there ever is another man in my life) knows that he is her dad and I'm not looking for a dad for my dd! My hubby came along when my dd was only 2 months old so he has raised her because her dad wasn't around for the first year. Once he came back in it got really hard so I understand my hubby's feelings but he has to realize that her dad will always been in her life no matter what. I'm hoping he will realize that soon.


    Quoting raegan1221:


     I'm sorry you're going through this:(. But my ex husband and I were separated for 10 months before our divorce was final. But our situation was probably very different. He was very abusive and I wanted nothing to do with him. I agreed for his sake to do the trial separation. I honestly wanted it over as quickly as possible. I had my mind made up. I knew there was no turning back.


     

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