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TS9509
Am I selfish?
by TS9509
November 19, 2012 at 9:50 AM
My mil is in the hospital and has been since November 5th due to back surgery and infections from the hospital. Last week my DH, her son, was asked to stay Saturday night and then again this past Saturday night. My DH is a repo agent and is not home at night from Sunday to Thursday. He sleeps in our bed with me on Friday night and Saturday. I have recently been out in a knee brace and can't get around good or do much. I'm at home with both of the boys, which help as much as they can but I feel bad for asking them. My question is, is it selfish of me to want my DH to be home with me and not spending the night at the hospital??

ETA: my husband stays at the hospital with his mom due to several issues she has had with the surgery. The family wants someone with her 24/7. She has stopped breathing twice at night and the nurses where paged several times before they came and my mil was not able to page them the person staying with her had to page them. We also live over an hour away from the hospital and with his job he's not able to go to the hospital during the week to visit with her.

Replies

  • LaughingTattoo
    November 19, 2012 at 9:58 AM

    Yes. His mothers in the hospital. I know it sucks and I dont fault you in missing him and needing his help. But this is his mother. You have Fri for right now and his mother has Sat. Its just how it has to be. Dont make him choose "who he loves more".

  • 98765
    by 98765
    November 19, 2012 at 10:05 AM
    I agree. His mother should come first in this situation.
  • Mrs.Tirado
    November 19, 2012 at 10:09 AM
    I agree and things will get better. This is just for the time being and his mom needs him too but it is understandable that u miss him and need him. Do u get to talk to him often?


    Quoting LaughingTattoo:

    Yes. His mothers in the hospital. I know it sucks and I dont fault you in missing him and needing his help. But this is his mother. You have Fri for right now and his mother has Sat. Its just how it has to be. Dont make him choose "who he loves more".


  • TS9509
    by TS9509
    November 19, 2012 at 10:13 AM
    When he's at the hospital I don't really talk to him bc I don't want the phone to wake his mom up. I talk to him once or twice a day. I haven't said anything to him about him staying with his mom bc I don't want him to think I want him to choose or feel guilty. I just keep it to myself.
  • Mrs.Tirado
    November 19, 2012 at 10:16 AM
    No, I don't think op meant "mother comes first". Mother never comes first when you are married. I believe she meant that yes, it is selfish and his mom needs him and they'll have to share time with her dh for now until mil gets better.


    Quoting 98765:

    I agree. His mother should come first in this situation.

  • Mommyof5247
    November 19, 2012 at 10:19 AM
    No, I don't think you're being selfish. He can make time to visit his mother when she is awake & sleep next to the woman he married.

    I would never expect my son to neglect his family for me. I would expect him to do the right thing & be there when his children & woman he loves need him too. He could spend a little time with me when we can talk during the day.
  • Mrs.Tirado
    November 19, 2012 at 10:22 AM
    Maybe its best to keep it to yourself for now. This will get better. Hang in there :-)


    Quoting TS9509:

    When he's at the hospital I don't really talk to him bc I don't want the phone to wake his mom up. I talk to him once or twice a day. I haven't said anything to him about him staying with his mom bc I don't want him to think I want him to choose or feel guilty. I just keep it to myself.

  • Mom2Phoenix2011
    November 19, 2012 at 10:28 AM
    What is his mom in the hospital for?
  • little.worthen
    November 19, 2012 at 10:30 AM
    This. Why does he need to sleep at the hospital??

    Quoting Mommyof5247:

    No, I don't think you're being selfish. He can make time to visit his mother when she is awake & sleep next to the woman he married.



    I would never expect my son to neglect his family for me. I would expect him to do the right thing & be there when his children & woman he loves need him too. He could spend a little time with me when we can talk during the day.
  • Mrs.Tirado
    November 19, 2012 at 10:35 AM
    Hey, I was wondering..... Why is he at the hospital when him is sleeping? Can't he go home after his mom fall asleep? Maybe u can ask him that and see what he says.

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