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How much time do you spend... (Update new question)
by clz0213
November 14, 2012 at 5:31 PM

How much time do you spend away from DH on average? I'm having this huge problem right now with DH never being home and when I bring it up, he says that he needs time away from me. Yet, i'm the one working and pregnant and taking care of the house, so what does he have to complain about? I want time away from him too, but he is never here, or he's here for two minutes then runs off.

He even said these exact words "Married couples don't spend time together."

I said "Yes, they do. I know plenty of couples that do."

His response "Then they are doing something wrong."

Seriously? So how much time apart do ya'll spend, and does it work for both of you?


UPDATE: So, I wanted to elaborate because I was getting questions about how my husband acts. I have no problem with him getting guy time away from me. I know I like my time to myeslf or time with girls, BUT here is how my life has been lately. DH doesn't think it's necessary to spend a day with me, or much uninterrupted time at all. He is constantly at a friend's house, doing something for them or hanging out or whatever. Meanwhile, he's jobless and has been for awhile. I can't get him to put in serious effort towards getting one and bills are piling up. I got a job to add a supplemental income, not a main. I work part time and am 26 weeks pregnant and going through college. I take care of the house and errands, and handle finances. He does...basically nothing any more. It's gone very far down hill. When he does say he'll do something, like go to the store today for example, I find him later at his friend's having not even gone in the first place.

We do communicate. Or, I try, I should say. I bring it up all the time. One time he told me "nothing he does is good enough for me anymore and I don't act like I want to be married." But it's hard to act like it and not get pissed when he's never here. He's not my husband, he's my roommate who occassionally eats with me (to a point) and I have sex with at times. I can't even get him to come to bed to cuddle or just lay with me and talk. He comes to bed around 2-5 am every morning. By then I'm sleeping, obviously, since I work at 6am.

What can I do to make him understand? I've even brought up that I'm afraid of raising the baby alone because he's never here now, much less when Zoey is born. He thought I was just being unreasonable. RIght now, we can't afford counciling and my insurance won't cover it, but soon I'm switching and it will. Until!?


  • la_bella_vita
    November 15, 2012 at 10:36 PM

     A few hours every evening

  • MrsApple
    November 15, 2012 at 10:38 PM

    My husband and I love spending time together.When he's not working,he's with the family.If we want to hang out with friends,we do it as couples because it's just how we are.

  • squeekers
    November 15, 2012 at 10:59 PM

     since my DH lost his job 6 months ago, my DH never goes anywhere, almost, without me. We also only have 1 car, so that matters too.

  • MomToovey
    November 15, 2012 at 11:08 PM

     He works 50-60 hour weeks and has a half hour commute to and from each day. Other than that time away, he's home. He does go out once a month with his best friend for drinks. They usually don't meet until late, so he at least can still be home to help put DD to bed before he goes out. And I use that time to catch up on my DVR shows, or watch a chick flick, or read, etc.

    The rest of the time, we're together. Even on nights like this one where he won't be home until after midnight and still needs to be up at 6:30 to get ready for work tomorrow, we'll spend at least half an hour talking/watching tv together before going to bed. We make time for each other every night. Now, we're not perfect, so sometimes that quality time is only 10 minutes long, but we are usually successful at getting at least 1 hour.

    A good solution to your guy's problem? Getting a job. He'll have the commute to himself, and even the time at work is time he can have away from his duties at home. I don't know how to motivate him for you to actually get said job, but I guarantee you that his having one will help at least a little. Good luck

  • JenieceMojica
    November 15, 2012 at 11:13 PM

    omg 6 boys? your my hero!

    Quoting MomandWife6:

    the only time we are apart is when he is working or if he runs an errand real quick and I don't want to get all 6 boys ready to very little time do we spend apart

  • veganistic
    November 15, 2012 at 11:22 PM
    That's the typical flip the tables comment. It worked on me for a few years with my exh. It was my fault for being too demanding... I drove him away with all my questions about what he was really up to...

    Don't let him make you feel guilty or to blame. It's a tactic and nothing more. If he actually believes it himself then he's just a self absorbed child.

    Quoting clz0213:

    We have discussed councilling, and I'm about to get insurance that will actually cover it, so I'm hoping to look into that really soon. I try over and over again to communicate with him about how I feel and it does no good at all. He turns it into this whole "nothing I do is good enough for you anymore" thing and I'm not sure how to break through that wall, because once it's up, it's up and he stops listening to anything. I think he's freaking out about the coming baby and we haven't been married long. But, it's concerning. I don't know why he'd marry me if he didn't want to spend time with me, you know?


    Quoting furbabymum:

     We are apart when we are at work but we often have lunch together. We go out with friends or family when we want to as well. I can't say I can give an exact time because it just depends on the week.

    Personally though, I like spending time with my spouse. I don't want to spend ALL my time with him but the time I do spend with him is rather nice. The fact that your DH isn't listening to your needs and doesn't even want to be around you, well that's a problem. You need to open up communication and find out why he doesn't want to be with you and why he doesn't care that you need more time with him.

    As for you being preggo and doing everything while he does nothing, well that wouldn't fly in my house. My DH is a wonderful man but if he ever stopped doing the dishes I'd whack him with a frying pan!

    I say it all the time, counseling.

  • AirForceWife13
    November 15, 2012 at 11:25 PM
    We spend ZERO time together even though we are around each 24/7. He sleeps all day, only gets up to eat and then back to bed. We used to spend a lot of time together doing productive things and enjoying each others company.
  • kjbugsmom1517
    November 15, 2012 at 11:31 PM
    Why would u put up with that? Put ur foot down girl. Seriously he needs to man up. My hubby works a full time job and im a sahm. Hes always home if hes not working. If we do stuff with friends we go together. Its rare i plan anything on his days off without him and i invite him. He does play video games and helps very little but at least hes home. I cant win in all depts lol but i wouldnt tolerate what u are.
  • april678
    November 16, 2012 at 1:34 AM

    As of right now, I am a stay at home mom, and I do want to get back to work, been out of work for 6 yrs and I would like to go back, but do to health problems it's hard. Went through cancer in 2006. My dh works at a farm, and on his days off, he is the type of guy that would like to go and hang out with his buddy, then staying home with the kids and I. He said that he doesn't like to sit still.

  • MomandWife6
    November 16, 2012 at 6:46 AM

    LOL they are really good boys and I really do enjoy them very much.

    Quoting JenieceMojica:

    omg 6 boys? your my hero!

    Quoting MomandWife6:

    the only time we are apart is when he is working or if he runs an errand real quick and I don't want to get all 6 boys ready to very little time do we spend apart

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