Love & Marriage

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Ruffnekwife87
I feel stupid for posting, thinking or even talking about this but… (little bit more info)
October 11, 2012 at 11:49 PM
• Do not comment if you are going to be rude, judgmental, bitchy, or in anyway shape or form an asshole about the situation, me or my DH. 



• No I do not have family to turn to about this

• No I do not have any friends to turn to 



• This is the only place I can go to vent, rant, rave and express how I feel.

• Here is the only place I can freely express with out being scared of anything. 



So… today is my 10-11-12 birthday! My DH has told me about a million time happy birthday because he feels bad about not being able to be here. Well we had a plan to go out to celebrate on the 20th but like every year something else happens to put a stop to that. (I have never had a birthday party or even celebrated my birthday EVER) DH and I have been together for 3yrs the 1st yr I was pregnant, the 2nd year he was at work, this year well this one pisses me off the most… he will forget because on 10-10-10 my DHs ex fiancés 19yr old son killed himself.  Now she is coming here that weekend and well yet again I am nothin to anyone. I don't mean to be selfish or sound selfish after 18 year (I'm only 25) I should be use to everyone forgetting my birthday by now but I'm not every year I'm hurt that no one remembers. And it does not help that my DHs aunt turned 48 today either. 



I don't know I guess it's just my pitty party and I know it's selfish but this is the first time I have her said anything about how I feel when it comes to this. Usually I just keep my mouth shut and go on with my day as though nothing even happened. I feel stupid for even talking about it or even caring after all these years I guess. 



Oh and my DH has been saying happy birthday to me all day a million times because he feels bad for not being here this year either he said. (He is at work) 

I'm not mad at my DH he set a reminder on his phone and that's to be expected because he has a really hard job and is away for so long. It's not about the gifts last month my DH bought me a new car for my birthday! It's the fact that no one acknowledged the fact it was my birthday even when FB tells people. Not even my own mother wished me happy birthday ):

Replies

  • Ruffnekwife87
    October 12, 2012 at 12:29 AM
    Thank you


    Quoting la_bella_vita:

    Happy birthday!

  • Jess0915
    October 12, 2012 at 12:34 AM

    I understand that. I felt pretty silly saying something, but I felt like if I didn't say something and get it out in the open, I'd explode. My DH didn't realize it was hurtful for me and he was very understanding. Sometimes it's nice to have a special day and you are not selfish at all for wanting that.


    Quoting Ruffnekwife87:

    I dont want him to think I am being selfish or anything. I mean I have never made a big deal of my birthday because I was never able to celebrate or make a big deal of it and now that I am 25 it would seem kind of childish and stupid. Plus he did say happy birthday 500+ times today. I'm just scared and feel stupid about it


    Quoting Jess0915:

    I know how you feel, my DH was in training on my bday the first year we were together, then second year he was deployed, third year he was working 3 hours away from home and couldn't come home. Fourth year, I don't remember, but I think we did something like dinner. Fifth year was this year and he was in Texas, and I'm in MO. The girls and I just moved here in August and he had to go back to TX. He came for our DD's 2nd bday on Sept 9th, but that's a week after my bday, so he missed it. It's a bummer. 

    You should definitely tell him how you feel though, let him know you feel unspecial. It's important. Even if a date night is all you get, at least you have a day to feel special.



  • katamike
    October 12, 2012 at 12:53 AM

     I would say your holding back some emotion on him from having to miss childhood birthdays. I don't know your personal reasons why and i wont ask.At least your Dh feels bad and has made it clear that he rememberd your bday (which is a present in itself) See if maybe you can schedule something later on, maybe this weekend?  Don't ever feel stupid for posting on here.. lol I have been a member of cafemom for 4 years.. i have seen quite a few really bad ones.. and posted some really bad ones..lol you have to vent somewhere! Happy birthday! 

  • preacherskid
    October 12, 2012 at 1:00 AM
    Happy birthday! And no, not silly or anything like that to feel upset about this. It IS your birthday after all, you only have one a year. I usually make room in our budget for something for me for my birthday, even as small as renewing my BHG subscription, that way even if my birthday is forgotten by those around me or no one can celebrate with me, I can celebrate and spoil myself a tiny bit :)
  • Ruffnekwife87
    October 12, 2012 at 1:47 AM
    It's not him m upset with he has always called to tell me happy birthday and that has always been enough. That is always the one call I wait for all day. (even if he has to set an alarm to remember it's the effort that counts!) I don't I said it was stupid and the more I look at it the more I see that it is


    Quoting katamike:

     I would say your holding back some emotion on him from having to miss childhood birthdays. I don't know your personal reasons why and i wont ask.At least your Dh feels bad and has made it clear that he rememberd your bday (which is a present in itself) See if maybe you can schedule something later on, maybe this weekend?  Don't ever feel stupid for posting on here.. lol I have been a member of cafemom for 4 years.. i have seen quite a few really bad ones.. and posted some really bad ones..lol you have to vent somewhere! Happy birthday! 


  • Ruffnekwife87
    October 12, 2012 at 1:49 AM
    It's really not about the gifts it's more about the fact that someone cares enough to remember or even care.


    Quoting preacherskid:

    Happy birthday! And no, not silly or anything like that to feel upset about this. It IS your birthday after all, you only have one a year. I usually make room in our budget for something for me for my birthday, even as small as renewing my BHG subscription, that way even if my birthday is forgotten by those around me or no one can celebrate with me, I can celebrate and spoil myself a tiny bit :)

  • TommyAbby
    October 12, 2012 at 7:36 AM

    So what's up that your family won't acknowledge your birthday? No parties since age 7?? Sorry sweetie. For my birthday, I always set up something for family to come to. Usually dinner somewhere and then we celebrate :)  Perhaps you should plan your own party?

  • calusari
    October 12, 2012 at 7:38 AM

    Maybe it's time you turned your birthday around by using as a day to do something special for yourself; you can't change other another person's behavior, but you can change the way that you deal with it.


  • tristansmom74
    October 12, 2012 at 7:50 AM
    I sorta know how you feel. My family HID my birthday. I'll never understand why. No party's except for the one i threw myself at 16. My gram would whisper about it so my uncle and other family wouldn't know. So many times my cake was kept hidden in the other room so only the people that knew it was my birthday would know. (No party but she did make a cake). When i got married my DH doesn't care about birthdays. So i told him how mine always were. Now i get a fancy cake every year. I feel alot better that he cares. Happy birthday!
  • CameronsMommy23
    October 12, 2012 at 7:54 AM
    My bday isn't usually great either. Lol Big hugs!!!!

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