Love & Marriage
Replies
-
I figured there was more to the story and now I understand why you do that... Some people just love to be messy and try to bring other people down with them.
Quoting timswife_momof2:
and also he gets him daughter every weekend, every holiday and every summer. her mom keeps her while she is in school and when she is out of school we get her. so he has no reason to go over there anymore except when he picks her up and even that is a nightmare with her. i dont get why exs just cant be civil. at least for the children.
Quoting timswife_momof2:
idk she says he was, he says he wasnt. and she keeps trying to break us up everytime she sees him she hits on him and tells him to leave me. she calls in the middle of the night and asks him to come over all the time. and he has told her to stop but she doesnt. its like she wont stop until we are broke up. so its just better that he not speak with her unless he absolutely has too. and im sorry that that is your opinion but it works for our family, and that is all that is important.
Quoting 3xangel:
Was he cheating on you with the ex? If not, everything you just wrote is beyond ridiculous and messed up.
Quoting timswife_momof2:
uh yeh when i first started dating my husband he did this too. he went to his ex house and visited with his daughter and i broke up with him over it and he begged me for 3 months to get back together with him and that he would never go over there again, now we have been married 2 yrs and he doesnt even speak to her. if she has something she needs to say she says it to his mother and his mother tells him. under no circumstances is he allowed to be around her without me.
-
What a close thing they have to share. A sick child. So, do they comfort each other? If the child, God forbid, dies, will they hold each other and cry together? Effin' gag me. There is no way my DH would do what your fiance is doing. I wouldn't marry someone in that siutation. He is clearly too tied up with his family with his ex. If the child is sick then maybe that is where he needs to put his focus, but you deserve better and you aren't married to him yet. I wouldn't be worried, but I'd be pissed and hurt. I wouldn't have had a child with him. I would be leaving him.
-
Definitely sonds suspicious. You need to put your foot down and tell him how you feel and why, and tell him exactly what you expect in these situations. Ask him flat out if there is something going on, because honesty is a necessity for a marriage. And THIS isn't something that falls under the 'little white lie' category. It seems like he may be in the leading-up-to-cheating stage. I hope not for you, but there are red flags popping up all over from your description. BTW, why is what he needs to do a priority over what you and the kids need to do? Sounds very selfish. Thought - could you talk to her? Maybe start off by asking about their son and take it from there. Get a feel for the situation. Good luck!
-
Why does the ex have to be there? Can't she let them have father son time together. My Dh would ask his ex to go elsewhere and let him be with his kid.
-
His son has leukemia!! What part of that don't you understand? Honestly, you're being very selfish to call him when he's with his seriously ill son. Why do you need to do that? Unless it is a critical situation, you should NOT be calling him while he is bonding with a son he might lose soon. When my son was seriously ill, I often sat and talked about his care with my ex. It was all about our child, not each other.
As far as you not being allowed to visit the son at BM's house, that's normal. Would you welcome HER into YOUR house on a regular basis? I doubt it. I'm sorry that you can't see him right now, but children with leukemia do need to be protected from germs, etc. during treatment. Exposure to others can be very dangerous, even fatal. It sounds like the parents are limiting contact in an effort to protect his health.
Why don't you think DH is relaying your messages? It sounds like there are many trust issues here, but these are separate from his devotion to his critically ill child.
-
You know all the answers already, that's why you posted this. You just don't wanna believe it. -
Quoting unsuspected:
I don't know abou all the details you mentioned because frankly I can't make sense of it.
But you shouldn't get married, that's pretty clear.
There are some big issues going on here with communication and respect, none of which will get any better by putting on a pretty dress and saying "I do". Work this all out in a way that you both can deal with or move on because there's too much baggage here to build a solid marriage on.
-
As far as whether or not you and the girls should get to see him, that's between the mom and dad. And whether you like it or not, you should respect their decision. You'd want the same courtesy if you were in their shoes. And I see nothing wrong with him wanting one on one time with his son - especially if he has leukemia, because who knows how much longer he'll have to spend with him.
I'm a little confused as to why you're sitting in the driveway. Why can't you leave and do the things you're supposed to do while he's visiting with his son? Isn't that the point of you having the car? Then when he's ready to leave, he can text you and you come back to get him.
-
Quoting NDADanceMom:
So his child is dying of cancer and you are worried that he is cheating? LOL OK lady.
Your 100% focus should be his child and what that child needs. They may not want a whole crew around because of germs. They may not want you around because you have jacked up priorities.... "his baby brother misses him" uhhh the kid is DYING. Do you know what that means??? DYING. seriously. Your biggest concern is where the guy your datinng's penis is. really? Id want to leave you too if I were him. "im visiting my dying child and you are worried about yourself?"
Laney you should fully read someone's post before you give advise. And my step son is not dying!! -
Quoting PROGENITOR:
What a close thing they have to share. A sick child. So, do they comfort each other? If the child, God forbid, dies, will they hold each other and cry together? Effin' gag me. There is no way my DH would do what your fiance is doing. I wouldn't marry someone in that siutation. He is clearly too tied up with his family with his ex. If the child is sick then maybe that is where he needs to put his focus, but you deserve better and you aren't married to him yet. I wouldn't be worried, but I'd be pissed and hurt. I wouldn't have had a child with him. I would be leaving him.
thank you!!