Love & Marriage

Featured Posts
Babujai
If your DH/SO is 10 or more years older than you...
by Babujai
October 10, 2012 at 11:43 AM

 ...do you have plans for widowhood?

I'm sure this sounds really morbid, but I want to know if I'm the only one.

I have a Bucket List...things to do when DH kicks the bucket.  I hope I get many more years with him, but he's 10 years older than me, overweight and a smoker.  Chances are I won't have him nearly as long as I want to. 

All the things on my list are things DH doesn't like or isn't interested in: own a cat (just one), travel to foreign countries, and take ballroom dance class for example.

Replies

  • preemiemommy
    October 10, 2012 at 11:45 AM
    Why not? Rather have a plan and do fun stuff than sit around and be depressed. Doesn't mean you'll miss him any less. Mine is only 3 yrs older
  • Babujai
    by Babujai
    October 10, 2012 at 11:48 AM

     

    Quoting preemiemommy:

    Why not? Rather have a plan and do fun stuff than sit around and be depressed. Doesn't mean you'll miss him any less. Mine is only 3 yrs older

     Exactly!  I feel like having a plan will help me through my grieving process.

  • RheaF
    by RheaF
    October 10, 2012 at 11:50 AM

     Umm...no. No I do not have a "When DH kicks the bucket list", and I do not plan to make one. He is 11 years older than me, but he is in great shape. No, I do not plan to sit around all depressed, but I do not sit around and plan either,lol. I would rather just take things as they come.

  • RheaF
    by RheaF
    October 10, 2012 at 11:53 AM

     I have however, spoken to an older friend of mine whose Husband passed away about 12 years ago now. She had a "plan", she was going to travel if he passed away first. Her "plan" made the grieving process so much harder for her. She felt guilty that she had "planned" anything out for when he died, and it did not help take any of the loneliness away. Thankfully, she is happy now, and is living her life to the fullest(with 4 very cute grandchildren), but she has said many times that she feels it would have been better had she not made those plans for the "if he dies first".

     

    Just a thought.

  • Babujai
    by Babujai
    October 10, 2012 at 11:54 AM

     

    Quoting RheaF:

     I have however, spoken to an older friend of mine whose Husband passed away about 12 years ago now. She had a "plan", she was going to travel if he passed away first. Her "plan" made the grieving process so much harder for her. She felt guilty that she had "planned" anything out for when he died, and it did not help take any of the loneliness away. Thankfully, she is happy now, and is living her life to the fullest(with 4 very cute grandchildren), but she has said many times that she feels it would have been better had she not made those plans for the "if he dies first".

     

    Just a thought.

     Thanks.  I hadn't thought of it that way.

  • Metteba
    by Metteba
    October 10, 2012 at 12:03 PM
    LOL. My Ex husband was 11 years older. He was a alright, but sometimes he felt he was wiser. Turns out when your 50, you seem to think your 21 again....go figure. I wish him well, he was a nice guy, but just couldnt keep his dick in his pants. he does look his age now and I'm glad I dont have to deal with the OH THIS MUST BE YOUR UNCLE...OR IS THIS YOUR DAD... :-(
  • bookworm14
    October 10, 2012 at 12:41 PM
    Right now I wanna make plans to marry the man and the things we can do when the kids have moved out of the house! We've been together nearly 3 years, his kids are 11 & 7. I love them dearly, but we don't get date nights, so I'm looking forward to them either being old enough to stay home alone or out of the house on their own. Perhaps years down the road I could consider this, but I wanna plan a future together first :)

    I have entertained some thoughts in case things didn't work out for us. Its the last thing I want to have happen, but I suppose there's always a possibility. But I've only thought as far as having a place on my own, its been many years since I've lived independent of another person. That's about the only reason why I have even entertained thoughts such as this. I really want he & I to have a forever-sort of future.
  • Babujai
    by Babujai
    October 10, 2012 at 12:45 PM

     

    Quoting bookworm14:

    Right now I wanna make plans to marry the man and the things we can do when the kids have moved out of the house! We've been together nearly 3 years, his kids are 11 & 7. I love them dearly, but we don't get date nights, so I'm looking forward to them either being old enough to stay home alone or out of the house on their own. Perhaps years down the road I could consider this, but I wanna plan a future together first :)

    I have entertained some thoughts in case things didn't work out for us. Its the last thing I want to have happen, but I suppose there's always a possibility. But I've only thought as far as having a place on my own, its been many years since I've lived independent of another person. That's about the only reason why I have even entertained thoughts such as this. I really want he & I to have a forever-sort of future.

     Oh, I've got plans for if we ever split up, too.  I'm a worrier, so planning helps me relax and enjoy what I've got while I've got it.

  • findingserenity
    October 10, 2012 at 12:46 PM
    i want to get a life insurance for him so when he croaks, id be able to take care of our two babies.oh and learn how to drive, which he tries hard to stop.
  • fnlyhappy65
    October 10, 2012 at 12:54 PM

     Ex hubby was 10 years older than me.  Go ahead with your bucket list, you can usually take ballroom dance lessons without having your own partner, maybe plan a girls trip abroad, etc...invite him to do your things of course but if he says no, then plan them alone.

    My man is overweight and has crohn's disease and is in bad health, I just cherish my time with him but do things on my own as well.  There are many things he can't physically do but he doesn't expect me to sit and watch him when he's having a bad day.

Love & Marriage

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts