Love & Marriage
I had a busy night despite my 102.5 fever...son had soccer practice, dd had robotics. When DH got home he immediately pecked me on the cheek and said he needed to study. I got whiny and told him i was sick and felt lonely and needed some tlc.
He got upset and said I give him a guilt trip every night saying he doesn't make time for me. Then asks me if i want some tea. I say yes. He never makes it for me. I go to the bedroom and lie down for the 2 hours he is studying after i get the kids in bed
Im upset, feeling sick and neglected until he comes to bed then he acts clueless as to why I seem sad. We then get on the topic of how we dont ever have date time together and he gets upset with mw saying how can i expect him to plan date night when we never have a sitter for his daughter (we have a blended family and i am custodial sm to his dd. .my kids go to their dads every other weekend).
I feel like i do it all and i work full time too. He has a hot meal each day he comes home, i take care of his dd full time with no help...all i ask is one planned date night a month to keep me feeling like a woman.
The final straw was him telling me he's never been with a woman who needed 150% of his attention all the time. Which is so unfair!
So i got up and went to the couch. He gets up 6 hours later and asks why Im on the couch. So clueless!!! Then he goes back to bed.
Sorry to vent so early but Im just so hurt! And being sick doesn't help. :(
Replies
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I am sorry that you are not feeling well. I would be hurt too.
He should treat you to a date night. You are taking care of HIS daughter. How would he like it that you stop taking care of his kid. Men dont always get it. When we are sick. They see it she can get over it and work and do everything they normaly do. But when they are sick the whole world is crashing down.
Maybe this weekend when you feel better if your kids are at thier dad. Leave him with his daughter. Go out to dinner and a movie with a freind. I know it will not be the same as a date. But it sounds like you need some time to your self without kids.
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I'm sorry you arent feeling well. I hope you feel better soon.
But I hate to say it, it seems like he has a lot going on. School and work full time?! Try and cut him some slack. He is obviously trying his hardest to do better for your family. Respect that and don't whine -
I can see both sides. You are sick, and he should have done smething to help you. Definately. But it also akes you more cranky and sensitive. It does that to me too when I am sick.
But I can also see your DH side bc my DH was in school for 7 years of our now 11 year marriage. UGH. While working FT. So I totally get the need for him to study and the overwhelming feelings he gets. There were many many times I felt like a single parent--and I worked FT for alot of that time as well. And then PT for the rest (and now). Its really stressful for a man to be in that position. But I PROMISE it gets better when he is done! YOu have to just hang in there.
Does he get any breaks from school? Plan dates around those. You plan them. That will help. But you should also try and talk to him about whn you are sick and the fact that sometimes you need help too. Make sure you make him know you understand his position, but then clearly and calmy explain yours. But again, maybe hold off until he has a break? Picking and choosing your time to talk is very important to avoid arguments.
Good luck and hang in there! I gave DH a surprise party when he was finally done with his MBA and felt like I had a new member of the family! It was great! But it was a loooooooonnnnnng road getting there!
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Thank you both...still feeling really sick but hopefully it'll get better soon!
Dh and I are newlyweds. We've only been married 6 mos (lived together 9mos before marriage). Im still in love with him and having a planned date night helps me have something to look towards when Im feeling lonely for him. He doesn't think its that important.
I was in an unhappy marriage for 10 years before DH. I lived my own life and did my own thing and Didnt care if my ex liked it. Now ive learned you can't be single and married.
Dh just really hurt my feelings when all i wanted was a little care when i was sick. He'll be waking soon and i havent slept all night. And i dont know What to say to him. -
Remain calm and see what he does first. Then if you feel its a good time say something about how you are feeling. Do not use "You" statements. Use "I" statements.
Good luck and feel better!
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Men are not mulittaskers. They can't handle as much as women, typically. I've met a few that can. But more importantly they are not planners. There are two issues here, one your going to need to just find a sitter and make the plans and tell him where and when your going to have your date. I'd almost guarentee that he will happily olbige.
Two, he states that you require too much of his attention. If your happy in your marriage, basically, back off a bit. Don't smother him, allow him to go to school and get his ducks in a row. Men do not get lonely like women do. Maybe fill the gap with a friend or family member? Have play dates, ect?
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Quoting 98765:
Remain calm and see what he does first. Then if you feel its a good time say something about how you are feeling. Do not use "You" statements. Use "I" statements.
Good luck and feel better!
Thank you very much! Its nice to hear from someone who's been there. :)) -
Quoting catchup29:
Men are not mulittaskers. They can't handle as much as women, typically. I've met a few that can. But more importantly they are not planners. There are two issues here, one your going to need to just find a sitter and make the plans and tell him where and when your going to have your date. I'd almost guarentee that he will happily olbige.
Two, he states that you require too much of his attention. If your happy in your marriage, basically, back off a bit. Don't smother him, allow him to go to school and get his ducks in a row. Men do not get lonely like women do. Maybe fill the gap with a friend or family member? Have play dates, ect?
You're right about lonely women. You know what's funny? When we first moved in it was him who was upset i was always busy!! And in trying to be a good good partner i freed my time for him. Its only Been since he's gone back to school (Aug) that now i need too much attention in his opinion. This was the same man who wouldn't let me leave his sight on the weekends! Its such a frustrating switch. Ive never been a dependent person but he's now made me that way! -
(hugs) I hope you get to feeling better soon. You and your DH should sit down one day when he's not busy and you're not feeling yucky and have a heart-to-heart talk. There has to be a compromise somewhere.
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Quoting AnGLInterrupted:
(hugs) I hope you get to feeling better soon. You and your DH should sit down one day when he's not busy and you're not feeling yucky and have a heart-to-heart talk. There has to be a compromise somewhere.