Love & Marriage

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scoleman828
I think it's over...
October 4, 2012 at 1:31 AM
My DF and I have been together almost 3 years, we have 13 month old twins. However, in that time, I've come to realize that his battle with his inner demons,is something he has no control over, nor will he even admit to. I really hate myself for giving up, but I can only reassure and try to support him for so long, only to be pushed aside. He drinks, that's his biggest problem. He had been sober almost 4 months, but he's relapsing. It's killing me to watch the downward spiral he is on. Even more so because he won't even acknowledge my efforts to help and my concern and worry.
I want to believe that if he leaves (which he has done before) that given time, he will begin to understand what we have/had. But I think he will let the alcohol take over. I have to find it in myself to be okay with that. I'm not sure how to do that.... I love him more than he could ever know, and it's killing me to watch him do this to himself and to our family.
I know,this is rambling, and if you made it all the way to this point, thank you!
I think I'm going to try to find the courage to write him a letter, then I'm going to let things go. Whatever happens, I'm going to find a way to be okay with it. I am strong, and I will make it through this. :'(

Replies

  • scoleman828
    October 4, 2012 at 2:28 AM
    I don't think I'll have to make him. He's on a path of self destruction. I think he'll be disappearing again soon anyway. I just have to stand my ground and not let him come back like before. He usually goes to his step brother's, sister's,or buddy's house. None of those are,long term solutions and he knows it. But I have to just tell myself that's not my problem.

    Quoting CameronsMommy23:

    Can you make him leave? If he's got to hit rock bottom and he's dangerous then give him the boot until he can get the picture. If he's disappeared on you before he must have a place to stay right? Ask for public assistance til you can get on your feet. Go to churches, family, etc if you need to. Hang in there!!
  • scoleman828
    October 4, 2012 at 2:30 AM
    I own our house so, he has to be the one to go. If I have to, I will call the police and report a,probation violation. He's not supposed to be drinking due to a dui 4 months ago. I thought that was his wake up call but I guess I was wrong.

    Quoting jeniemarie:

    is there a local womans shelter? or do you have a local helpline type center that can maybe get you somewhere safe? maybe a low imcome housing program? you might be able to go to your local welfare office and get pointed in the right direction. im sorry you are having to go through this. my DH has bipolar and now is being properly medicated by a docter but if he wont admit he has a problem then the docter wont be able to do much to help :-(



    Quoting scoleman828:

    Unfortunately, I really don't have anywhere I can go longer than a few days, which is not long enough. I am never quick to give up but I'm getting to the point that I do fear, mostly for my kids.I don't think he would hurt them intentionally but they both have bleeding diaper rash now because he didn't change then for HOURS. Things like that are what is making this choice easier.





    Quoting jeniemarie:

    as a wife of a now sober husband, you have to get to the point were you and the kids are worth more. it took me almost d yrs to realize that it is HIS choice to stop. he has to be the one to nake the choice. you can love him, forgive, take him to therapy but in the end he has to choose to quit for himself not for anyone else. do you really want your children around this? i finally had enough the day he hit me. i left and told him he had to make his choice either his drink or his family. there are programs and meds and other resources out there if he chooses to quit and it wont be easy but it is worth it. i normaly dont say oh just leave him but in these cases he can become a danger to you and your children. do you have somewhere you can go? taking some time away and you leaving him instead of him leaving may open his eyes. praying for you and your family. living with an alcholic is hell
  • Dayna29
    by Dayna29
    October 4, 2012 at 5:19 AM

    To help yourself on not blaming yourself for letting him go, we had to talk to a counselor because my daughter and I couldn't get past the stuff that the ex did. She told us that we just have to remember, he is who he is and there is nothing we can do about it. He has to be willing to help himself before others can help. Good luck you to. Be strong. You may have a fight on your hands with the kids. Keep them safe.

  • tnt1014
    by tnt1014
    October 4, 2012 at 5:24 AM
    * I didn't read all the replies so forgive me if I repeat anything already said*

    First I think writing him a long letter and getting every thing out is a great idea. Some times when you try to point things out the other party sees it as a personal attack and they don't really listen to the words being said.

    Second look into I believe it's called Al anon. It's a support group for familes and loved ones of people dealing with addictions.

    HUGS! Just know you and your babies deserve the best, whether it's with him or without is up to him..
  • Lindalou907
    October 4, 2012 at 6:05 AM

    The sooner you quit him the sooner he might decide to change. Get yourself to an al-anon meeting,HUGS!

  • scoleman828
    October 4, 2012 at 6:25 AM
    No, you are the first to suggest Alanon to me, this time. I've heard it from the beginning and I've never been. I guess in some ways, that makes me as bad as him. :-\
    This time, things are different though. I have a whole different outlook. Hopefully I can get the letter written before he self destructs but if not, I'll hold onto it for when he tries to come,back. O'M.I.A. I'm also gonna write a brief letter to myself to serve as a reminder of how I'm feeling now and why, so it's harder to turn back...

    Quoting tnt1014:

    * I didn't read all the replies so forgive me if I repeat anything already said*



    First I think writing him a long letter and getting every thing out is a great idea. Some times when you try to point things out the other party sees it as a personal attack and they don't really listen to the words being said.



    Second look into I believe it's called Al anon. It's a support group for familes and loved ones of people dealing with addictions.



    HUGS! Just know you and your babies deserve the best, whether it's with him or without is up to him..
  • scoleman828
    October 4, 2012 at 6:26 AM
    It's that "might" that had scared me before but a what is pushing me forward mow.

    Quoting Lindalou907:

    The sooner you quit him the sooner he might decide to change. Get yourself to an al-anon meeting,HUGS!

  • Megan11587
    October 4, 2012 at 6:29 AM
    I'm sorry. I have no advice, but it sounds like you are doing what is best for you and your children. Stay strong!
  • Ksmomy
    by Ksmomy
    October 4, 2012 at 7:45 AM
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. It has to be hard on you and your little ones. I don't have any advice but I wanted to give you a few words of encouragement! No mater how hard it is, do what's best for the kids and for yourself. Keep you all of you safe. I hope things work out for the best.
    All the things you've described make for a rough life. In your heart you know what's right for you and your kids. Good luck to you and you little ones!
  • scoleman828
    October 4, 2012 at 8:46 AM
    Thank you! That's the one thing I have to continually remind myself - do I want them to grow up seeing this? Absolutely not.

    Quoting Ksmomy:

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. It has to be hard on you and your little ones. I don't have any advice but I wanted to give you a few words of encouragement! No mater how hard it is, do what's best for the kids and for yourself. Keep you all of you safe. I hope things work out for the best.

    All the things you've described make for a rough life. In your heart you know what's right for you and your kids. Good luck to you and you little ones!

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