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around for me but not for baby?? help!
September 26, 2012 at 1:49 AM
Sooo... ive always had feelings for this guys.. we've been "talking" for 5 yrs but we were never nothing official, now I'm 5mo prego w his baby. we still talk n try to stay friends -like what we were before i got pregnant, but he doesn't want anything to do with the kid. He already has kids n says he would love to be around for My lil one but he genuinely can't. hes super confused n drags me along w him plus he's always busy n doesn't really make time for me. should i even bother staying friends w the guy? It wasn't planned so i don't hold anything against him plus I still have feelings for him n it'd be nice to have that someone around even as friends or whatever ... :/ help


  • 3gr8tKids
    September 26, 2012 at 5:18 AM
    i feel bad for this
    when he says this does he indicate that you will be recieving financial support?
    raise your standards. we teach people how to treat us.
  • hisgirlalways
    September 26, 2012 at 9:33 AM

    Nope, I wouldn't even bother its been 5yrs and you guys are still nothing official?? Forget him if he doesn't want to man up and be a daddy to your child but can be to his other child(ren). That's wrong that baby needs love from dad and mom and if dad chooses not to then its time for you to stop allowing your feelings get the best of you and be the best mom you can be to your child.

    Quoting jacobsmommy84:

    It wasn't planned, so you're going to have to do it all on your own???
    Since when did you knock yourself up?
    You sound very sweet hun.... But dont let that turn you into an idiot.
    He sounds pathetic. He may not have time for you, but make it very clear that he WILL make time for his child....
    This isn't all about you and him.

  • chadsgirl038
    September 26, 2012 at 9:57 AM

    I am sorry but if its been that long and still nothing has been offical then its time to walk away. As hard as it may be. If  he can "make" time for you but not the baby, it isn't going to work that way anymore. You and baby are a package deal. Don't allow a man to make you sit around and wait for him. Life is way to short for you to be waiting around for some guy to man up and commit to you. If he has 1 or more children but multiple different woman that should be a HUGE red flag. I don't know for sure if that is true but if that is the case. Then its time for you to walk away. If he wants nothing to do with the child then you simply say you want nothing to do with him. That child should be NUMBER 1. Not second to any emotions. Yes I know its hard but you have to put the emotions aside and do what is best for the child because now that will be the most important thing in your life. Also I would make him child support. I know that sounds harsh but he needs to at least pay child support because it takes 2 to tango and well to make a baby as you well know takes not 1 but 2 people. He was fully aware as you were of the risks of getting pregnant when you both choose to sleep together. So don't make excuses for him. You seem like a sweet girl but don't let him walk all over you because if you let him, he will take a mile.  PLease dont think I am bashing. I am merrily trying to help or give my advice. I have a close friend who has gone thru a similar situation and trust me it takes a toll on the emotions.

  • meganisamom
    September 26, 2012 at 10:04 AM
    Make sure he is there financially. He sounds like a real d"@&he bag. He HAS to pay support whether he wants to or not, and this jerk has been stringing you along for FIVE years? Time to move on and do what's best for you and your baby. There no I such thing as "staying friends" with an asshole who doesn't want to take responsibility for his own child. Ugh. What a freaking moron he is.
  • grownsexy
    September 26, 2012 at 10:26 AM

    Move on and then seek support for the child.  If he comes around to see about his child then that's cool if he doesn't accept the fact that a fatherless child will be brought into the world. I have seen this situation time and time again you can't force a man to be a part of his child's life. If he doesn't have the money would he at least put in the time. Sometimes it isn't even about the money its about the dad taking part in the rearing of his child. If you can get both its great but if you can get one to the two then take it. However, I would not advise you to hold on to a man that has a secret resentment against you for something that both of you took part in. The person who suffers the most is the child and in this case I hope this jerk rethinks what he has been telling you. Good luck with this and I hope for the child's sake he chooses to pay and be involved in the child's life.

  • jcm28
    by jcm28
    September 26, 2012 at 10:30 AM
    Get your cs . It doesn't matter if the baby wasn't planned its still his responsibility to take care of the child.
  • fostermomoftwo
    September 26, 2012 at 12:12 PM

    Um ditch him and don't look back!!!. A real man, a true man would be by your side, at every single appointment and be helping you name their baby, whether or not 'you guys' have a 'thang' or NOT.


  • MomToovey
    September 26, 2012 at 1:11 PM

     Good luck! ((HUGS))

    Quoting PollyPocket7:

    You know, I read this once n I just remembered it.. "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.” -I can totally relate to that.

    Thanks for that you guys.. guess i already know what i have to do.


  • 3gr8tKids
    September 26, 2012 at 1:14 PM
    I love how he says he would love to BE AROUND FOR YOUR LITTLE ONE but can't. Hello its his too.
    He sounds like a real winner. He certainly doesnt sound like any "friend" Id like to have.
    And now you have created a situation where there is one more child being brought into the world in less than ideal circumstances. It really sucks.
  • shoot4thestars
    September 26, 2012 at 1:19 PM

    I think I would start moving on from here.  I don't see why you couldn't be friends, but it doesn't look like you'll be as close as you once were. 

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