Love & Marriage

aimesnyc
Is it Abuse? (A Resource Guide)
Amy
January 10 at 11:02 AM

Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse.  I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource.  Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse.  It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Here are a few links to get us started:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

http://www.asafeplacenh.org/abuse_types.html (be sure to donload the brochure!)

http://suite101.com/article/different-types-of-abuse-in-love-relationships-a12723

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/advocates/a/6_types_abuse.htm

Here's a link to a post in the Babies group for more info about domestic violence: http://www.cafemom.com/group/babies/forums/read/17029403/Dv_info?last#last

Replies

  • Lisp714
    by Lisp714
    Friday at 1:23 PM
    He's GONE!!! I kicked him out, got my cc back, found out more and more bs he's pulled. but I'm finally done, this weight has been lifted and his black cloud is not hovering over me ANYMORE!!!

    I ended up in the Hosp on Monday for a blood clot (DVT), and he just dropped me off at the doors and took my two kids to Chuckie cheese with another girl!! His boss's daughter!! wtf!! who does that lol!! my daughter told me this and also said that they shared an ice cream together!!! wow, it hurt but you know what. SHE CAN HAVE HIM!! lol


    Quoting HerSmile:

    I have read your post and for the life of me can not figure why would go back into that situation after the 2nd break up.  This is a clear sign that he does not want to be with you.  He is secretive and is keeping all of the money and cc and you have nothing but 20-40 dollars that he gives you, really? You are not a kid.  You have every right to the finances just like him.  If I were you I would leave him alone, change the locks, open up my own bank accounts, and cancel the ccs that he has of mine and get new ones and start living life for me and my kids.  According to your post you are a convience to him.  Turn him loose.
    Quoting Lisp714:

     Hi,


    I was wondering what you ladies thought about whether this situation is abuse? Here's a little of what's been going on ...


    My Fiance' and I have a long and complicated story behind our relationship. But here's a quick review. We met through mutual friends when I was 15 years old and he was 16 years old. He really liked me a lot, and I wouldn't give him the time of day. Well after the first year or so, he some how won me over. We dated from the ages of 16 yrs and 17 yrs old up until we were 20 and 21 yrs old. In the 4 1/2 yrs we dated, we went through a LOT of stuff, no one should ever have to go through. But we also became pregnant with our dd when I was 18 yrs old. We were on and off the entire pregnancy and after she was born. He was messing around, and immature. So I moved back into my Moms. Well, we did end up back together and we were up until things were not going good again. Our dd was about 1 1/2 years old then. We stayed broken up for 3 1/2 years then.


    Well around 4 years ago, we decided to try again. We eventually moved into our first home together and everything was so great! Well soon, his job wasn't cutting it, and we were having financial issues, so we moved into my Moms house. We're still here now, and it's been almost 2 yrs now. We were only supposed to stay for 1 year. He kept telling me that he was going to making more hrs and more money at his job, but after 3 years there, he didn't do that (he was actually making less money.)


    For about the last two months now, things have progressively gotten worst day by day. He has been coming home later, and later. He will get up early morning (3-4 am to leave for work), which is way too early, he never calls me or texts me at work anymore, and if I call him he acts like I'm being such an inconvenience, if he's going to be late from work or go somewhere after work he never calls or texts, he has refused to talk to me about any of the issues we've been having too (his excuse is that he hasn't figured everything he wants to say in his own head.) Well to me, that's bull!! We are engaged and have two children together. There shouldn't be anything to think about! Just today I asked him if he still wants to be together, he wouldn't answer and told me he'd talk to me when our kids went to bed. That never happened!! Oh, I forgot I also gave him my engagement ring back, the same day that I originally tried to have a discussion about where our relationship and family was going. I didn't do it out of anger, I did it because I know that he didn't ask me from his heart, he asked me to marry him over 2 years ago and it was because I kept bring it up to him. Not because he chose to. Since then, he hasn't answered me when we'll maybe get married, or if he is excited to, he doesn't show any type of emotions about it at all.


    If you were me, what would you do? So far, I'm giving him all his space, I haven't asked him any questions since, and I'm starting to think that he's lying to me, especially about where he's going all these days and hours he's missing from home.


    Sorry, I forgot to add the most important parts ... He has all access to our money, I don't have access to our checking/saving account, even my own cc he has, and has had it for almost a yr., he gives me money (maybe $20-40 once a week), he makes all the important decisions, he doesn't allow me to have access to anything financially (he says that I will spend all of our money, and he doesn't trust me.) I even had NO car for over 8 months before, and that's happened numerous times as well.

  • Lil_fox13
    Monday at 9:37 AM

     

    http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

     My first two rough marriages. I have been through all of the abuse listed on the link. My now husband ( a sweetheart) has been through emotional, financial abuse. His ex wanted to own him literally.

    Nobody deserves to be hostage in those relationships. No matter how many ties you have with the abuser. Get out for your own safety and sanity and f what others think.

  • Lil_fox13
    Monday at 9:47 AM

    Abuse and sabotage...


    I was wondering what you ladies thought about whether this situation is abuse? Here's a little of what's been going on ...

    My Fiance' and I have a long and complicated story behind our relationship. But here's a quick review. We met through mutual friends when I was 15 years old and he was 16 years old. He really liked me a lot, and I wouldn't give him the time of day. Well after the first year or so, he some how won me over. We dated from the ages of 16 yrs and 17 yrs old up until we were 20 and 21 yrs old. In the 4 1/2 yrs we dated, we went through a LOT of stuff, no one should ever have to go through. But we also became pregnant with our dd when I was 18 yrs old. We were on and off the entire pregnancy and after she was born. He was messing around, and immature. So I moved back into my Moms. Well, we did end up back together and we were up until things were not going good again. Our dd was about 1 1/2 years old then. We stayed broken up for 3 1/2 years then.

    Well around 4 years ago, we decided to try again. We eventually moved into our first home together and everything was so great! Well soon, his job wasn't cutting it, and we were having financial issues, so we moved into my Moms house. We're still here now, and it's been almost 2 yrs now. We were only supposed to stay for 1 year. He kept telling me that he was going to making more hrs and more money at his job, but after 3 years there, he didn't do that (he was actually making less money.)

    For about the last two months now, things have progressively gotten worst day by day. He has been coming home later, and later. He will get up early morning (3-4 am to leave for work), which is way too early, he never calls me or texts me at work anymore, and if I call him he acts like I'm being such an inconvenience, if he's going to be late from work or go somewhere after work he never calls or texts, he has refused to talk to me about any of the issues we've been having too (his excuse is that he hasn't figured everything he wants to say in his own head.) Well to me, that's bull!! We are engaged and have two children together. There shouldn't be anything to think about! Just today I asked him if he still wants to be together, he wouldn't answer and told me he'd talk to me when our kids went to bed. That never happened!! Oh, I forgot I also gave him my engagement ring back, the same day that I originally tried to have a discussion about where our relationship and family was going. I didn't do it out of anger, I did it because I know that he didn't ask me from his heart, he asked me to marry him over 2 years ago and it was because I kept bring it up to him. Not because he chose to. Since then, he hasn't answered me when we'll maybe get married, or if he is excited to, he doesn't show any type of emotions about it at all.

    If you were me, what would you do? So far, I'm giving him all his space, I haven't asked him any questions since, and I'm starting to think that he's lying to me, especially about where he's going all these days and hours he's missing from home.

    Sorry, I forgot to add the most important parts ... He has all access to our money, I don't have access to our checking/saving account, even my own cc he has, and has had it for almost a yr., he gives me money (maybe $20-40 once a week), he makes all the important decisions, he doesn't allow me to have access to anything financially (he says that I will spend all of our money, and he doesn't trust me.) I even had NO car for over 8 months before, and that's happened numerous times as well.



Love & Marriage