Love & Marriage

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aimesnyc
Is it Abuse? (A Resource Guide)
Amy
January 10 at 11:02 AM

Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse.  I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource.  Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse.  It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Here are a few links to get us started:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

http://www.asafeplacenh.org/abuse_types.html (be sure to donload the brochure!)

http://suite101.com/article/different-types-of-abuse-in-love-relationships-a12723

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/advocates/a/6_types_abuse.htm

Here's a link to a post in the Babies group for more info about domestic violence: http://www.cafemom.com/group/babies/forums/read/17029403/Dv_info?last#last

Replies

  • DaBuzz
    by DaBuzz
    September 19 at 5:22 PM

    I am also a social worker, and I am also a survivor! My first "marriage" was very abusive, I experienced every type of abuse. That lasted 14 years because I was a Christian and that's what was expected of me. I was supposed to be that "good Christian wife" and marriage was forever, no matter WHAT. My church knew but they turned a blind eye and told me they believed in reconciliation. Great. Then *I* was accused by them of having an affair as the breakdown of my marriage. I never knew betrayal could hurt so much. I had been cheated on but the church was accusing me of doing it. I was thoroughly disgusted and eventually left the church (and Christianity) as well. For good.

    I finally left my "marriage" because I feared for my life and I feared that I would lose my children due to the abuse. I had tried leaving numerous times but always went back. He was "sorry, didn't mean it, loves me soooo  much..." yada yada. There's just too much to get into, I would need a book! lol

    The final straw was a gun to my head (in which he was "just kidding!").

    Now I'm helping other women in different ways to recognize and do what they need to do to be a survivor and not a victim.

  • earthangel1967
    September 20 at 1:17 PM

    im sorryhugsyou rock


    Quoting DaBuzz:

    My story is very similar to yours, except my children still don't have a clue what their father did to me. They were young when I left... 7, 9, and 11. The most extreme was holding a gun to my head, but how do you tell your children that? You don't. You just have to leave.

    I don't know how they could not have seen or heard or felt all of the violence he perpetrated on me, but they were all very negatively affected by our divorce, seemingly moreso than the marriage.... weird. It killed me to break up their family, and they are still dealing with the after-effects, 7 years later.

    I know I did the right thing leaving. I have never regretted it, but I've always wished they wanted me to leave, though I'm glad they did not know the reasons...

    Quoting earthangel1967:

    Thank you... in my first marriage  (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder  ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

    Sometimes divorce is a blessing and NOT a bad thing!


  • DaBuzz
    by DaBuzz
    September 20 at 1:59 PM

    Aw, thank you! :) And ditto! I'm so good now it should be considered a sin ;) (By good I mean healed and past all of that sh**)


    One other thought. I noticed the date of the OP after I had posted lol Good post!!

    Quoting earthangel1967:

    im sorryhugsyou rock

    Quoting DaBuzz:

    My story is very similar to yours, except my children still don't have a clue what their father did to me. They were young when I left... 7, 9, and 11. The most extreme was holding a gun to my head, but how do you tell your children that? You don't. You just have to leave.

    I don't know how they could not have seen or heard or felt all of the violence he perpetrated on me, but they were all very negatively affected by our divorce, seemingly moreso than the marriage.... weird. It killed me to break up their family, and they are still dealing with the after-effects, 7 years later.

    I know I did the right thing leaving. I have never regretted it, but I've always wished they wanted me to leave, though I'm glad they did not know the reasons...

    Quoting earthangel1967:

    Thank you... in my first marriage  (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder  ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

    Sometimes divorce is a blessing and NOT a bad thing!


  • waytomanykids10
    September 26 at 2:06 PM

    After going through an abusive childhood and then into an abuse marriage, I never really thought I was abused. It was just a normal part of life. It wasn't until after my first husband shoved me down a flight of stairs, following me as I was falling, and then beating me,  putting me in the hospital for 2 weeks, almost dying, and then meeting with a counsoler that I finally started to realize I was being abused. If it hadn't been for her and my best friend I probably would either be dead or married to the same person still going through the abuse. Thanks to them I divorced the bastard and I am now married to a wonderful man that treats me like a queen. Life is good :)

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