Love & Marriage

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Mrs.Burke11
New here and have marriage problems :( small update... Update again!
October 11, 2011 at 1:16 PM

 New to this group and thought I would turn to you ladies for marriage advice ( please no bashing)... Just to let you know I am not leaving my husband nor do I have any plans to. Ok here's my story. My Dh and I got married August 24th 2011 than on September 7th we find out we are expecting our 1st baby together ( I have 2 boys that are not his) We bother were super excited it was like gods wedding present to us because I conceived 3 days before our wedding. Well at that time we were both working full time jobs and were stable. well money has always been an issue for him and for once it wasn't. Well I started having morning sickness and told him I wanted to quit my job because I was not feeling well, He did not want me to quit because we could not make it on 1 income well my great idea was to tell him he could work some overtime for a while till I feel better. I quit my job and loaded him with the stress of a baby on the way and he was the sole provider. He felt very hurt and betrayed by what I did and left. He left when I was 6 weeks pregnant and i am 9 weeks now. I feel horrible for what I did I was being a selfish bitch to do that to him. Well now he is living with some guy from work and I am staying at my parents. We no longer have our apartment. I have done a lot of self reflecting on the choices I made and am trying to make up for it. Just the past couple of days we have started talking more ( through text) and he has actully started telling me he loves me :D Hes been trying to figure out what he wants and what his next move will be. Today he told me there was hope for our marriage and he does want to fix our marriage but somethings needs to change 1st. I asked him what needed to change and he said he doesnt know right now well I'm pretty sure he wants me to prove that I can work and not be so lazy. I have a job interview today for a seasonal job and i start school in January to be a medical assistant. Sorry for the long novel. Has anyone been through something similar and how did it turn out?


Small update: When I told Dh I got the job he said NOTHING!! I have not heard from him in over 24hrs. The last text I got was asking how the interview went and when i told him its like he disappeared. Hmm wondering if he was hoping I wouldnt get it so he would have an excuse to why hes not coming back but now I have a job what can his excuse be??


Update: So Hes pissed off at me because I wont sell him my car or give him half my tax return!! Hello you left 3 weeks after we got married do you really think you entitled to half?? So now i am the bad guy!!! I'm fed up I'm done trying to make him happy...

Replies

  • busy_mama27
    October 11, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    Sounds like you already know you handled it wrong.  Let go of the past and look ahead.  Get responsible and proactive.  Things can turn around it seems!

  • Mrs.Burke11
    October 11, 2011 at 1:33 PM

    Now I know I handled it wrong but for the 1st 2 weeks I cried, played the victim, and did not understand how he could just leave and not stand behind me. After I knew he wasn't coming back i had to suck it up and really see it from his point of view ans stop crying and telling him I want our marriage to work and prove it. Since I have been working on me we have gotten closer. we still dont really see each other but we do talk more.

    Quoting busy_mama27:

    Sounds like you already know you handled it wrong.  Let go of the past and look ahead.  Get responsible and proactive.  Things can turn around it seems!


  • conniejo75
    October 11, 2011 at 1:39 PM
    Quit @ 6 weeks? Wow... sorry but I think that was selfish knowing ur family couldn't survive on one kid... especially when your two aren't his. I can understand quiting if complications (go on disability) or when u go on maternity leave. But sounds to me like u dumped a lot all on him at once. Hope u can sort it out before baby comes.
  • Serenity7
    October 11, 2011 at 1:44 PM

     ((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

  • mommiecassie
    October 11, 2011 at 2:38 PM

     I agree.

    Quoting busy_mama27:

    Sounds like you already know you handled it wrong.  Let go of the past and look ahead.  Get responsible and proactive.  Things can turn around it seems!

     

  • sarahbeyes
    October 11, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Maybe if you find a job you love work wont feel so bad.

  • ItsMe89
    by ItsMe89
    October 11, 2011 at 3:07 PM

    I can understand if you don't want to leave him. Sometimes big changes like this can take it's toll.

    I got pregnant very unexpectably about 2 years ago. (pregnancy didn't work out long story) but here I was, feeling as blessed as could be since I wasn't supposed to get pregnant and time was running out. My Dh is usually a very level headed logical man, and I saw it turn him into a man I didn't recognize for a while. He wasn't doing anything wrong really,  but he was very different.

    I can understand that you wanted to quit your job, but maybe that was a bit drastic. Is there anyway you could get a part time job with the same company since they know you? I think you are starting things out well. Maybe it's for the best that you aren't under the same roof at this minute. I say keep going like you are, if his parents are happy to have you, then stay put for a bit. Keep communication open with your husband, see about some temp or seasonal work, then go from there.

    Quit blaming yourself, you two created this marriage together, so regardless of what anyone does you are supposed to be a team to deal with it.

    Do you belong to a house of worship? could they hook you up with some low or no cost counseling maybe?

    If I was you I woudln't leave him either. Sounds like just a bad patch to me. We all go through it. I left my husband a few years ago for about 5 weeks and I think it was the best thing. Sometimes even the best couples need to take a break. we've been together about 14 years married for 12.

    Last night in conversation my DH mentioned that we don't know anyone that's been married for as long as we have. Like to think we are doing something right.

  • Jenj824
    by Jenj824
    October 11, 2011 at 4:00 PM

    I don't think divorce is always the answer to me that is just running from your problems. I do think you quitting your job set off some alarms and caused him to panic. But take advice from a once single mother, never completely depend on a man for support. Always be able to support yourself and your children with or without a spouse. Having a career is impowering. I have always looked at me having a job as contributing to our family. Nothing against stay at home moms, sometimes I do wish I could be more available for my children but I don't have the choice. We need both our incomes.

    Anyway.........tell him you want to start fresh. Talk to him, not over text, but have a real conversation. Communication is a BIG key to a successful marriage. I also found that out the hard way.

    Best of luck to you!!  

  • Mrs.Burke11
    October 11, 2011 at 11:44 PM
    Thank you for the support. I just got a seasonal job today (pending background check) I try to call him but he never answers than again he's working a lot and its just easier for him to text. I start school in Jan to become a medical assistant. I know he will never go back to school to I will. If it wasn't for my parents I have no clue what I would do.
  • i.heart.myboys
    October 12, 2011 at 6:50 AM


    Quoting busy_mama27:

    Sounds like you already know you handled it wrong.  Let go of the past and look ahead.  Get responsible and proactive.  Things can turn around it seems!

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