Love & Marriage

mommyof346
Not wanting sex. need advice!
December 14, 2010 at 3:43 PM

I have a question for anyone who is willing to read. My husband and I have been married for 4 years, we have 3 kids they are 4, 2, and 1. Well about 5 months ago I left my husband and got with 2 other guys. It was the biggest mistake of my life but I did it because my husband treated me more like a slave then a wife. He told me I was ugly and told me what I need to do to look better. He was mean cursed me out all the time so I had enough of it and left. I made the mistake of getting with other guys. Well about 5 months ago I went back to my husband he seemed like he really changed. Well about 2 months after being with him it seems like my sex drive just left. He wants to have sex alot and I only want to do it about once a month if even that. I am always busy with the kid even at night sometimes I dont get to bed until 4am. We fight all the time about me not wanting to have sex. Really I want to I do want to please him but sometimes when he trys it just makes me mad. Now i said it seemed like he had changed well hes back, i get cursed out more now then I did, he thinks I should get him what he ask for, he doesnt help out with the kids and barley helps out with house. I need some advice, why do you think my sex drive is gone? I think it has alot to do with the way he acts. but maybe I`m wrong what does it sound like to any of you? 

Replies

  • angelbaby1323
    December 14, 2010 at 3:47 PM

    it could be cos of the way he has been treating you, i had sex last night with my husband i really wish i didnt i know feel so revolting cos he has been lieing to me about things and now i just dont understand why he wants to treat me like this

  • mommyof346
    December 14, 2010 at 3:54 PM

    I know what you mean. To me I dont see why I should do something for him that he likes when he treats me the way he does.

  • lovemysailor01
    December 14, 2010 at 4:11 PM

    Its probably the way he's treating you. If he thinks you're so ugly and what not why does he want to have sex with you? I am sure you're not by any means ugly, I am just saying. I know when I was with my ex and he was always talking to other women I tried to do what he wanted to make him stop doing what he was and want to be with me. Then I got fed and I slept with someone else and got pregnant with my youngest. Once I realized I didn't need him, I didn't want to have sex with him anymore and ended up leaving. Its not a healthy relationship by any means. 

  • angelbaby1323
    December 14, 2010 at 4:14 PM

    im gonna be leaving my husband one day im just making sure that i'll get the our daughter am expecting my second n it makes me not want this kid cos we were happy 12weeks ago i just dont know why he has changed so much

  • jenbscott
    December 14, 2010 at 4:23 PM
    It's definitely the way he's treating you. He has to change his ways. Even if you love him, you'll never be happy with him until he does.
  • ShannaBee
    December 14, 2010 at 5:30 PM

    Stress and depression can affect your libido. Have a talk with him and tell him he needs to respect you and treat you equally. What he is doing is emotional abuse. I'm with jen, you'll never be happy until he treats you right.

  • divamom2328
    December 14, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    I think it does have alot to do with the way he treats you, as well as you still feeling hurt from the first time. But if he treats you bad all the time, and is not understanding about certain things, that can drive you away. 

  • mom4aaa
    by mom4aaa
    December 14, 2010 at 5:40 PM

    i suggest you tell him straight up if i repulse you so much that you can't treat me well then keep your hands off me honestly (not saying im perfect going on only 5 yrs myself) bmarriages have good times and bad times but if there r no good time sit's not worth fixing if there are some and you love him and thow he treats you like shit i you know he loves you you need to fix whatever the problem is with both of you comunicatiosn be honest with him and if he cant do the smae you let him know he's just showing you he dont care and if thats the case why should either of you waiste your time ive had a YR  when i just wnted to move on with my life but we fixed it and were so much better for it!!!

  • emore626
    December 14, 2010 at 6:08 PM

     My experience with my DH is that when he has been mean to me or my kids it totally turns me off!!! as it is my libido sucks, when he acts like an s## I am really turned off for a while, and it also has lasted about a month...

  • sweetheart5703
    December 14, 2010 at 10:06 PM

    I think the attraction is not there anymore. He is emotionally abusive to you, and because of it, you don't feel that strong love connection and attraction. He also needs to stop asking IMO. I hate when guys ask. My ex was a sexaholic, he wanted it ALL the time. He also cheated on me, and physically abused me at one point in time. Well once the trust is gone, and you feel worthless, I can understand why you wouldn't want to have sex with him. He needs to step up his game. I mean what you did is completely wrong, cheating is a terrible thing. I think both of you need to go to counseling, work out some anger issues. Then I would get back to the basics. Try to remember what attracted you to him in the first place. Maybe you guys can get a babysitter, and go out for dinner, and drinks or something, and rekindle the romance a bit. In the meantime as long as he is talking shit to you, your not going to want to sleep with him. Nothing is going to turn you on, if you don't feel appreciated, and wanted in a good way. He is also most likely acting like this because he is sexually frustrated. You guys have to meet somewhere in the middle, or it will continue like this. Good luck. 

Love & Marriage