The Park Bench

nybor48
I need to know what works best for you........
by nybor48
February 4, 2013 at 1:42 PM

 I babysit my 3 grandkids in the evenings.  6, 5 and 3.  the 6y/o is fine.. he'll pretty much do anything I ask him to do without a whole lot of problems.  My issues are with the GD whos 5 and the way she is affecting her younger brother (the 3 y/o). 

I have done the time outs over and over again, to no avail.  She gets out of the time out, and goes right back to the negative behavior.  She tells (screams) that she hates me, and anytime I ask her to do something, the response is "NO" or "Never!"  

It's been a while since my kids were raised, and yeah we had our moments, but we were always able to get around them.  This however is throwing me for a loop.  and is making her little brother a brat......

any suggestions?

Replies

  • 907PickleMom
    February 4, 2013 at 2:27 PM
    Is she testing the waters? Do her parents regularly discipline her?
    Being firm and CONSISTENT is key. Stay calm and don't let her see it get to you. Is there anything else that is going on that makes her react this way?
    Good luck!
  • nybor48
    by nybor48
    February 4, 2013 at 3:51 PM

     Right now....  Her mom works full time, just got done with school, (which she attended at night) and now is doing her extern.  Dad....well he's a deadbeat.  Shows up when it's convienent for him.  So basically it's just Her and I and my dh....  Pretty sure it's just testing the waters, I just need something other than the time out thing... it ain't workin..

    my dd put the youngest in time out 3 times yesterday, because he kept telling her that he hated her..

    Quoting 907PickleMom:

    Is she testing the waters? Do her parents regularly discipline her?
    Being firm and CONSISTENT is key. Stay calm and don't let her see it get to you. Is there anything else that is going on that makes her react this way?
    Good luck!

     

  • 907PickleMom
    February 4, 2013 at 3:54 PM
    She may be acting out to get attention. Is there any way that mom or yourself could spend some one on one time with her? Lunch @ McDonald's, grocery shopping just her and an adult, trip to the library/park? This may help.


    Quoting nybor48:

     Right now....  Her mom works full time, just got done with school, (which she attended at night) and now is doing her extern.  Dad....well he's a deadbeat.  Shows up when it's convienent for him.  So basically it's just Her and I and my dh....  Pretty sure it's just testing the waters, I just need something other than the time out thing... it ain't workin..


    my dd put the youngest in time out 3 times yesterday, because he kept telling her that he hated her..


    Quoting 907PickleMom:

    Is she testing the waters? Do her parents regularly discipline her?
    Being firm and CONSISTENT is key. Stay calm and don't let her see it get to you. Is there anything else that is going on that makes her react this way?
    Good luck!

     


  • Lindalou907
    February 4, 2013 at 10:05 PM

    Oh I feel your pain, my grandson went through a phase like that. You have to make her STAY in time out or it wont work, every time she gets up put her back and hold her down if you have to. She will learn that you mean business. Same thing with the 3 year old. Are you or the parents against spanking? That's also very effective. I used to give my Grandson a choice, "would you like a time out or a spanking?" Give them one warning before you do one or the other. Even if her parents don't disipline her she will learn that at your house she needs to behave. And praise her of course when she does well.

  • Love2Paint
    February 5, 2013 at 5:55 PM
    You could make a behavior chart. Review house rules with her and make a list of rewards for good behavior...simple things like choosing a movie from redbox or baking cookies...things that would give her attention or decision making power. Then tell her for each evening of good behavior she gets a star on the chart. Once she earns 3 stars, she gets a reward. Once she is successful at 3 stars for a while, increase it to 5 and then 7. It might be good to do this with all of the kids.
  • suetoo
    by suetoo
    February 6, 2013 at 8:55 AM

    I know your worry, my 4 1/2 yr old dgd is having similar behavior issues. My DH and I have her, her 11 month old brother and 5 month old cousin here 3-4 days/wk. sibling rivalry is a clue, the sticker chart helps us a lot.

    hang tough!

  • SoInLove515
    February 10, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    Just be consistent. I call my 2 year old's time out "calm down time" instead of "time out". It kind of makes it more positive. He tries to get up, but I just put him back. Eventually he relizes if he keeps getting up he will just have to sit there longer. But don't back down. MAKE her sit and take a "calm down time". Don't talk to her when she is in time out. If she tries to talk to you just ignore her. Maybe even use a timer so she can see how much time she has left. I do 1 minute for every year. So she would have a 5 mintue time out. If she gets up, time out starts over. DON'T BACK DOWN.

  • asaffell
    February 15, 2013 at 8:38 PM

    Hugs mama, that's hard. How long have you been watching them? Is she having a hard time coping with something new?

  • lisahappymom
    February 15, 2013 at 11:54 PM

    I'm sorry to say that she's probably mad that you're not her mom or dad.  She misses her absent dad and busy mom, but they're not there to be mad at.  Just know that she's better off having you there, and keep reassuring her that you love her very much.  That won't immediately take away her anger, but over time it will subside. 

    As another thought have lots of activities to do with them like play dough, puzzles, or cooking crafts.  I also try to make everything into a problem that they can solve, such as the table needs to be set before we can eat, how can we solve this problem?  That might help her to feel like her ideas are important so that she doesn't have to be angry to make a point or be noticed.  

    Good luck & hugs!

  • MTSuperMomof4
    February 16, 2013 at 8:50 AM

    Good Morning!!!

    Has she always been a little "moody"? My 6 yr old DS was a lot like that in behavior (never said I hate you but could be mean). I changed his diet and how I discipline all of my kids. Since you have them so much, would you be able to do a system where you give them $5 a week and then for each infraction they lose money? I also only give one warning now...that's it. If losing $1 didn't fix it, one warning and time out. And for every comment made in time out...another minute is added. For my household going gluten free did the trick as far as my DS behavior. He is now just a normal child whereas before was a test of  strength each and every day. I wasn't enjoying him....I was surviving. 

    Prayers to you and your family. 

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