Depression Support Center

Melissa_anne
looking for some advice, *UPDATE*
November 19, 2012 at 3:42 AM

I kind of wanted to know what you ladies do when you get really down to the point where you just feel like you dont want to function.

I have a history with depression, which I haven't felt like this in a couple years.  the depression comes and goes, used to be really bad when i was younger but as the years have gone on it doesn't really affect me much til lately.  i also have anxiety but i tend to keep that under control unless in situations where i can't.


I will start off with the fact I feel so lonely.  My DH is away during the week for work and has about 3 weeks left of being away til he can be home for good.  This doesn't really affect me so much because I have been through 2 deployments that were each at least a year long, I can handle him being gone monday through friday.  But I feel like the people who i thought were my friends are not.  This one girl who i thought was one of my best friends has lately been such a bitch to me, she wants me to do this 2 day cleanse with her to lose weight (which she doesn't need to lose weight) and i told her no because i dont want to and she told me she just wants me to be healthy, well you know what? i may be overweight but i have no health problems.  I understand that I possibly might get health problems if i dont do something about it but as of right now i dont have any so she needs to get off my back, every time i talk to her she talks about some new diet thing she is doing and wants me to join her.  So that happened last week and then friday we went wedding dress shopping (for her wedding dress) and none of the bridesmaids dresses fit me (small store,  not many sizes) that she wanted me to try on and i told her i would work on losing weight for her wedding and she tells me "oh i dont want you to feel that you need to lose weight for my wedding"  wtf?  you just told me you want me to lose weight to be healthy but now are contradicting yourself.  I also can't trust her, In the past i have said things to her about her co-worker that i didn't like and it got back to him and he confronted me about it, mostly about him being an asshole and stuff.  I only told her and my husband that i didn't like him and i know DH didn't say anything to him because he wouldn't, he knows better.  Also she keeps bragging about how our one friend is constantly going to her house and hanging out and that she is such a great friend and blah blah blah.  she made her maid of honor in her wedding because she looks fantastic in this one dress and it would only look really great if this girl was standing by her and not at the end or middle.... wtf.  I dont really care if i am matron of honor or not but picking this one girl because she looks good in a certain dress??? really??  I just feel like I have no one i could go to with joyful news or sad news or any news and they would take it the same way as i do.  Is that a part of getting older, you feel like you lose your friends?

My dad was diagnosed with leukemia about 6 1/2 years ago, apparently it's one that you die with, not from.  Well lately he has been doing really bad.  The way he used to be is he would be sick with a cold and he would go to work no matter how he felt, he gets a cold now and he is in bed for 3 days, he has no energy, my mom and i talked tonight and she told me this past weekend they went for a get away and that he was nauseous and no energy and sweating bullets the whole time they were gone and even after they came home.  I am worried about my dad and have been crying off and on since i talked to my mom. 

Work is just a whole story i dont even want to get into because i am not happy with what i am doing but for me to do what i want i would have to quit and go back to school (not offered online) and we can't afford for me to do that.

I feel like I can't rely on anyone but myself right now.  I feel lonely and worried and anxious and down and emotional and I honestly dont know how to get out of this funk. 

does anyone have any ideas on what i should do?  How do i stop feeling this way..

 

Update 11/27/12

well I just wanted to update everyone in case you care lol
Things are better.  DH and I had a long conversation about things, I am on a new exercise program that is making me feel better, not as exhausted as i was before (have started taking vitamins).
Bad thing, my sister was committed to the psych ward, she told my mom that when she listens to music she thinks the radio station is sending her messages and that when she sees graffitti (spelling?) on the side of a train car that it's a message to her.  So she is there for now and hopefully on the right meds..  My Dh and i are trying to get my youngest nephew to come live with us for the duration of her stay at the hospital, the 2 older boys' dad is going to take them for a while.  My parents are too old to have to be taking care of 3 boys. 

so thats my update..

Replies

  • iluvmybabe
    November 19, 2012 at 9:05 AM
    Yes I get to that point. I always think what would my daughter do if I wasn't in her life. I can't bear that thought of the pain she would be in. That keeps me motivated to keep on keepin on.
  • leahbeah143
    November 19, 2012 at 9:37 AM

     If you figure it out let me know. I have gotten to the point where I don't trust anybody because it seems like everyone just wants to turn around and talk shit.

  • matreshka
    November 19, 2012 at 9:55 AM

    I would talk to  a therapist and maybe a doc.  Therapists can help you learn coping skills and the doc can determine of you need meds to help you through this time.

    I have bipolar, it's a struggle but I have learned from experience if I don't ask for extra help from my therapist or docs it can snowball into something real bad.  I just recently had a suicide attempt and hospitalization and am still have my really bad days.

  • lyrick24
    November 19, 2012 at 2:03 PM

     that friend doesnt sound very trustworthy. i would watch how much contact i had with her. my husband is away in ga in the army so i know how you feel about being lonely. im so sorry. and i am sorry about your dad. maybe there is something they can do for him to help override these symptoms. make sure he is getting the best possible care. i would try to make new friends also.

  • Melissa_anne
    November 19, 2012 at 5:18 PM


    Quoting iluvmybabe:

    Yes I get to that point. I always think what would my daughter do if I wasn't in her life. I can't bear that thought of the pain she would be in. That keeps me motivated to keep on keepin on.


    I completely understand, my daughter keeps me grounded, she always has since she was born.  She was born while DH was deployed and she has kept me going through everything.  I was crying last night and she came up and starte rubbing my back and telling me everything will be okay.  I am not suicidal anymore, i was when i was a teen but since i have had her no thoughts of that even come into my mind.

  • Melissa_anne
    November 19, 2012 at 5:24 PM


    Quoting leahbeah143:

     If you figure it out let me know. I have gotten to the point where I don't trust anybody because it seems like everyone just wants to turn around and talk shit.


    Yeah I trust one friend but she is not a best friend, we hang out alot during the summer when we get together for bon fires but.  She is really busy with her work so we dont talk alot.  I just don't feel like anyone around here is a true friend.  DH is a police officer here and so people just in general dont like our family, we have friends that are other cops, most of them are younger than us but we still hang out every once in a while.  I will let you know though lol

  • Melissa_anne
    November 19, 2012 at 5:26 PM

     

    Quoting matreshka:

    I would talk to  a therapist and maybe a doc.  Therapists can help you learn coping skills and the doc can determine of you need meds to help you through this time.

    I have bipolar, it's a struggle but I have learned from experience if I don't ask for extra help from my therapist or docs it can snowball into something real bad.  I just recently had a suicide attempt and hospitalization and am still have my really bad days.


    I have been back and forth to a doctor over the years, had a really good therapist while DH was deployed.  I have a prescription for anti anxiety/depression but haven't taken it in a while.  It's like I dont need it unless I get in a funk.  you know what I just realized?  I usually get down around winter/christmas time...i dont know why though....  I will have to look into it

    I am glad you are okay, I attempted a couple times when I was 13 & 14 and was hospitalized then, so i can kind of understand

  • mandi0913
    November 19, 2012 at 5:27 PM

    You should talk to a therapist and they can help you with everything your going through. I also have depression and anxiety but I also have ptsd and panic attacks that are crippleing to the point I have to be hospitalized. I started see a therapist about a year ago and my depression is better I dont have as many panic attacks and theres always someone there for me when I get anxious or just need to talk. Try seeing a therapist and see if it helps. I'll pray for you and your happiness.

  • Melissa_anne
    November 19, 2012 at 5:40 PM


    Quoting lyrick24:

     that friend doesnt sound very trustworthy. i would watch how much contact i had with her. my husband is away in ga in the army so i know how you feel about being lonely. im so sorry. and i am sorry about your dad. maybe there is something they can do for him to help override these symptoms. make sure he is getting the best possible care. i would try to make new friends also.

    Her and I used to hate each other when we worked together, when her and her boyfriend broke up I messaged her on facebook telling her that if she needed someone to talk to I would be there for her, we became good friends after that and now it's like I don't think I can tell her anything.  She calls me a ditz all the time, yeah i have my ditzy moments but i am not a ditz all the time and she acts like I am, i just tune people out when they are having conversations I am not involved and then they ask me a question and I am lost lol. 

    With my dad, he takes alot of pills, he takes pain killers for his joints aching, he doesn't have anything for the nausea, a couple months ago i went to visit my parents and realized how old my dad looks, he is 61 and looks older than that.  It makes me sad.  My parents and I are really close, even though I live about an hour and a half away I call my parents every day to talk to them and see whats going on. 

    making friends is hard, I work nights and I mentioned above that we are a law enforcement family and people don't in general like us, we have friends that are other law enforcement families but they are younger than us and don't have any kids.  So it's hard to relate to them, one couple their biggest dilema is figuring out which fast food restaurant to eat at that night.....

  • Melissa_anne
    November 19, 2012 at 5:42 PM


    Quoting mandi0913:

    You should talk to a therapist and they can help you with everything your going through. I also have depression and anxiety but I also have ptsd and panic attacks that are crippleing to the point I have to be hospitalized. I started see a therapist about a year ago and my depression is better I dont have as many panic attacks and theres always someone there for me when I get anxious or just need to talk. Try seeing a therapist and see if it helps. I'll pray for you and your happiness.


    thank you for the prayers.  I was writing back to one of the ladies and realized this happens around christmas/winter time each year, not this bad but i usually get really down.   I need to talk to DH about it and see what he says, I have pills for anxiety and depression but don't really need them until i get into this funk. 

Depression Support Center