On December 10th I was told during my 37 week ultrasound that my 4th son didn't have a heart beat. I was taken to the hospital and gave birth to my son December 11th around 4 am. It has been only 3 weeks since I held my baby and said goodbye. I feel horrible. I try not to cry in front of my children because I don't want them to see me cry but every time I am alone or with my husband I start crying. And I know its too soon to heal but I need help. I feel like if I don't have someone to talk to besides my husband I am going to have a mental break down.
I feel like people don't understand. I AM SO TIRED OF HEARING.. "God knows what he does" "Goes does everything for a reason" "Hes in a better place" or the best one was "Hes Gods child not your and he took him back"!! HE WAS MY SON AND HE BELONGS WITH ME! AND IF THERE IS A GOD I THINK ITS A SICK JOKE TO HAVE ME SO EXCITED FOR MY BABY AND TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME AROUND THE TIME I SHOULD OF BEEN TAKING HIM HOME TO MEET HIS BROTHERS.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I am lost. I do my daily things but I feel like I am on autodrive.
Its very normal to feel like that sweetie. But first let me say how very sorry I am for your loss!!
I lost my third child and first son January 21, 2012. He was due on the 19th on the 20th I went in for my final ob appt only to find out that he didnt have a heartbeat. My 2 girls (2&4 at the time) were with me when I found this out. THey had to call my husband from work to come be with me. I went to the hospital later that day and was induced after 27 hours of labor Ryder Benjamin was born 9 lbs, 9 oz and perfectly perfect in every way... They suspect it was a cord accident but they dont know for sure. In 19 days would be his first birthday... Instead I have a grave site and a freshly placed headstone to visit. It has been a very tough year, but honestly talking about it and just reaching out to people really helped me. If you ever need to talk I am here for you.
*hugs* I am so sorry for your loss. My 3rd child but first daughter was born sleeping at 38 weeks due to a fatal birth defect called Anencephaly. There can be a lot of insensitve comments. I just got to a point I said "thank you" and cursed them in my head.
Being on autodrive is normal and it can be like that for a month or two. Do you have anyone to talk to? Counseling helped me because I really didn't want to go on anti-depressants which I knew would help too but counseling has worked better for me. So maybe find something that can work for you? And have you thought about looking for a local support group near you? Finding other moms that know how I feel and can relate and I can talk to in person was so nice to have. *hugs*
Hugs and I am sorry for your loss. Honestly talking here on this group helped the most. Every woman here knows that pain and they understand the weird things we go through. They know how annoying "kind words" can be because people say the dumbest shit. Hang in there and use this group. I am so sorry about your son
I think those comments are the worst. I actually yelled at my Memere when she made such comments to me. No one did this. God did not take your son. Something went wrong and that is no ones fault, certainly not yours.
I am sorry for your loss... People are soo rude...I told my aunt if she told me one more time " everything happens for a reason" I was gonna punch her...
Also.. I'm 26 and have 3 boys and miscarried my 4th ( wasn't far enough along to know sex but we decided a boy anyways)... I hate all the comment on how I should quit while I'm ahead with 3 beautiful boys..