I just wanted to share with you all something that has been so wonderful for me! For almost 5 months, I haven't been able to walk past or into the baby/child section without crying. Today, however, a friend of mine and I went shopping for my nephew and child we're sponsering for Christmas. I was able to walk around with no problem. In fact, we even went into a baby store soley to ooh and ahh over cute clothing. For the first time, I was able to have fun thinking about what the future held for me, instead of focusing on what I don't have right now. It was fun and such a relief!
I've also started journaling today for the first time. Previously, it was too raw a subject for me to write about. And tomorrow I'm going back to church for the first time since the miscarriage. My faith had taken a huge hit because I couldn't see how the God I believe in could allow something like this to happen. And I felt like I should have been able to find a reason why it happened but I couldn't. However, about a week ago a friend said something to me that really clicked. She said that what happened is horrible and God has a plan, but I might never find the reason for what happened. It was such a relief to hear her acknowledge it was horrible but tell me I might never know why it happened.
Anyway, just wanted to share the happiness and hope :)
December 8, 2012 at 8:37 PM
Glad you're doing better. I can see how your faith would take a huge hit, mine did too. It just didn't compute to me. I'm a little newer in the process, it's only been 3 weeks and 2 days since my D&C, but it's easier now that it was in the beginning. I can only hope to finally get to where you're at. Today, I had a hard time going to the grocery store. I passed two mommas who were pregnant. Difficult stuff, but I didn't break down crying this time. Hugs to you. What rough stuff this is.
by jacksmom3707December 8, 2012 at 9:30 PM
Journaling is a great thing to do. I think I'm going to write about my experience with my loss. I have turned to writing in the past to get me through tough times and it's always been helpful. I honestly feel like writing stuff in this group is a form of journaling too!
God does have a plan, my Mom said the same thing to me when I told her about my loss. Hang in there, you sound like you are on the right path.