Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

iSMILEheCRIES
I am NOT okay
October 12, 2012 at 10:13 PM

 I don't think I can say it any more simple than that.  I think I have hit that "angry" stage of grieving.  I have been having a harder and harder time being normal.  I feel like no one cares or understands.  No one- i mean absolutely NO ONE- asks how I am doing.  They don't even mention the fact that I was pregnant.  I work with both my mom and cousin and neither one even act like something happened.  I had to laugh and joke about someone putting their foot in their mouth about my mc just so I could kinda talk about it with my cousin today.  I am not ok, I am getting worse.  I have tried telling my boyfriend but he just doesn't get it, that I am not ok, that I am getting worse.  Tonight we were talking about getting our test results back and I got so upset and just kinda shut down... and he acted like every thing was okay and got up and went to work.   I just want to scream and cry and hit something... but I am scared people will think I have lost my mind, so I act just like them- I pretend like nothing happened and that I am fine.  I don't know what to do, no one cares.  Can't they just ask, are you doing ok?  Do you want to talk about your baby?  My mom still hasn't seen where she is buried.  And my cousin wouldn't look at my pictures of her.  My in laws held her in the hospital and go clean up around her grave.  My father in law bought her a cross for her grave and was so worried that I wouldn't like it.  I don't know what to do.  I know my boyfriend cares and loved her, but I don't think he understands what losing her is doing to me.  And I feel like I shouldn't feel this way because no one else does.

Replies

  • mommyofnoah208
    October 13, 2012 at 12:48 AM
    It is so difficult and it seems like nobody cares but they do. Most people just do not understand that talking about our ba ies helps us not hurts us. And men just dont feel what we feel. I think they grieve, but our whole body and soul grieves and longs for our babies every second of everyday. It is ok to be sad and grieve, even if everyone around you has seemed to move forward. It can be hard when they dont ask anymore. Maybe on Oct 15 or another day if it doesnt work you can invite them to have a memorial type candle lighting at her grave. Loosing a baby is such a horrible thing and people usually try avoid talking about it, its taboo, but in reality it needs to be talked about so people understand. I also think it gets harder for awhile before it gets easier, but it will get easier. I hope that your family becomes more supportive, but if not, you have us and we all understand and you can come hear and yell and scream as much as you need to and we will listen and talk about your precious daughter with you. Thinking of you
  • AmericanChild82
    October 13, 2012 at 3:35 AM

     Sometimes you have to tell people you want and more importantly NEED to talk about it. Men don't fully comprehend pregnancy as they've never had to go through it. Honey, pick up the phone and call your momma.

  • Angela4boys
    October 13, 2012 at 8:41 AM

    I'm sorry you are going through this :(  I think that you should just greive, hit things, scream or yell, or do whatever you have got to do...even if others think you are nuts...who cares what they think anyways.  I think that if you need to talk about her, just do it, just say to whomever you feel safe with, I really need to talk this out right now.  I feel like other people do want to talk too, but that they feel uncomfortable bringing it up because they think it will hurt us, or bring up an emotion...they don't realize that it's always on our mind.  Hang in there Mama...praying for you!


  • LilysMommy813
    October 13, 2012 at 8:51 AM
    I'm so sorry, I just posted something like this the other day. I think that is one of the hardest parts, that everyone moves on but you are stuck, stuck grieving, and many times it feels like we are grieving alone. I feel the same, like I shouldn't have to tell people I'm not ok, they should know, how can I be ok? Unfortunately sometimes we have to tell people that we are not ok, that we need their help. I'm so sorry your feeling alone, we are here for you, and while its not the same, you are not alone. Hugs
  • blessedmommie07
    October 13, 2012 at 11:01 AM

    *Hugs* I'm sorry.  I have recently delt with a little bit anger and people not understanding too.  Have you tried counseling?  It could help having someone to talk to.

  • purfectlilly
    October 13, 2012 at 3:22 PM

     go ahead and scream and cry. tell anyone that doesn't understand to go fuck themselves. i'm sorry but people can just be insensitive and rude. so do what you need to do. call them and make them listen. if you need them there for you then make sure that they know that they are needed by you and tell them what you need them to do.

Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support