Parenting Positive Kids

Crystal2985
Influences from Others.....
August 18, 2012 at 8:55 AM

Hi all, I decided to post this problem in this particular group because, for the most part, she is a positive child. But sometimes, my 7 year old daughter is easily influenced, which I'm sure most are. The problem is, she's influenced by people who should be helping her grow. Let me explain....

Her father and I have never been together. I got pregnant at 19 and had this beautiful bundle of joy. He was abusive, and I admit I tried keeping him out of her life. After court visits, paternity tests, and a little self reflection and growth, I came around and he got visits and what not. It hasn't been the easiest 7 years, but lots of things have changed. I met an amazing man. We are expecting a child at the end of this month and plan on getting married. We moved in with him 2 years ago when my daughter was starting school.

All this probably sounds great!! The problem comes in with the fact that she started calling my boyfriend Dad. Her real father causes a huge stink. He tells his daughter its wrong and makes her feel awful. Then she comes home with an attitude towards us. We never asked her to call him dad, she picked it up on her own. Her father is in and out of jobs, is behind on his child support and goes weeks without calling her. But he makes us out to be the bad guys. I was thinking of counseling for my daughter, but I'm so confused. Should we be telling her not to call him dad?? He provides everything for her. We don't speak a word of bad about her father to her, and I'm sick of him filling her head with this. Her father went so far as to tell her how I tried to keep him away from her. I have tried talking to him, with no avail. Any advise??

Replies

  • knw25
    by knw25
    August 20, 2012 at 1:27 AM

    i think that whatever your daughter wants to call him she should be able to do so. A dad and a father is more than genetics and if he isn't filling his role as dad then he's leaving that position open for somebody else to take. He obviously isn't to worried about it if it didn't make him realize that he is being a half ass dad and that he needs to step his game up, he just wants to cause issues because it's about control. Family isn't just about blood relatives its about who you can count on at the end of the day to be there for you no matter what, and not based off their words but the actions they show you. I know this is a tough situation mama so good luck!


  • one_on_the_way
    August 20, 2012 at 1:35 AM

    What kind of attitude does she have toward you after being with her dad?

  • mrs_mckay
    August 20, 2012 at 1:41 AM

    Sounds like he is dad. I am a firm believer that the term "father" is a genetic right but "dad" must be earned.

  • motherslove82
    August 20, 2012 at 1:55 AM

    She has a father. I would gently remind her that BF is *whatever you want her to call him* and not Dad. How would you feel if she was calling her father's girl friend "Mommy"? I wouldn't like that at all if it was me. He is not her father and he is not even your husband. She should not be calling him dad.

  • Sunshine257
    August 20, 2012 at 1:59 AM

    I would let her call him dad if she wants to. Sounds like he has pretty much taken on the role. I also think counseling would be good considering the way her father has been.

  • shell3m
    by shell3m
    August 20, 2012 at 2:04 AM

    If she wants to call him that then let her know it's ok no matter what anybody says.  :)

  • koopa_queen
    August 20, 2012 at 2:53 AM

    Sounds like my situation, like almost perfectly. She hates her real dad (I never said anything to her) and calls my husband dad. Now her real dad is in prison....

  • meliscool72
    August 20, 2012 at 3:24 AM

    If she likes him that much to call him Dad, I would let her. I mean, like they say anyone can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a Dad. Your boyfriend is that special person. Her father is not that special, I mean he doesn't call her all the time and what not, what does he expect? He should understand that if he wants to be called "Dad" he needs to act like one

  • JuliaWoods99
    August 20, 2012 at 5:01 AM
    bump
  • brandie1470
    August 20, 2012 at 7:20 AM
    If he is behind on his cs can't you refuse to let him see her. He is not holding up his end. I believe your daughter found out the definition of a father and is probably correct in calling your bf that. She might see him as the man who loves and takes car of her. There for he is dad. If the real dad has a problem, tell him to step up and take responsibility like a dad

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