Parenting Positive Kids

Carmen S
Build Confidence in Your Child's Accomplishments
May 26, 2011 at 12:00 AM

Confidence is a funny thing. It almost seems as if you either have it, or you don't. In families with multiple children, this really becomes apparent, as you see children brought up in the same environment who are completely different in terms of self-confidence. I have one child who has a "take the world by the horns" approach, and she has complete and total confidence in everything that she does. Even if this child doesn't succeed, she has an unquenchable feeling that it was the circumstances that failed and not her.  I have a second child who, no matter what he does, feels as if he just can't seem to do anything correctly. If he succeeds, it's a fluke, rather than the fruits of his labors. Two kids. Exactly the same upbringing. Why so different? And how to approach both of them with kindness and love and help both to see that they have success?

It's a tough balance. No one wants to be "that" parent - the one who applauds every little detail and builds their child up into an overconfident egotist. But self-confidence is a very vital aspect to growing up. I personally find that the end of the school year is a fantastic way to help work on my children's self-confidence. One thing I love to do at the end of the school year is reflect on the child's accomplishments over the past school year. I do it in conjunction with the child. This is especially helpful for the child who has had a difficult year, or one who is struggling with the thought of the upcoming grade change. We take the year and break it down into segments and then really talk about the tasks he's mastered and the situations that she's risen above.

Was this the year that your daughter finally mastered the times tables? Did your son learn the Pythagorean Theorem? Was there mastery of fractions, or did those pesky shoelaces finally get tied? Take an afternoon to devote to your child on a one to one basis. Really list out all of those things that you child mastered. Make a list of it, journal it perhaps. Maybe even a poster. Sure, it might sound like overkill, but everyone loves to hear the good stuff about themselves, and giving a child a place to go back to in order to ponder those accomplishments helps both the over and under  confident find their balance.

 What are some methods you use to increase your child's self-esteem?


  • sweettigeress
    May 26, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    interesting read. thanks. 

    I boost my child's self-esteem by letting them know they are perfect the way they are. I praise her on her good deeds.

  • jerzeetomato
    May 26, 2011 at 2:18 PM

     love this article.  I try to acknowledge their accomplishments, their efforts, their kind deeds.

  • rio_burb
    May 26, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    I always tell him what a wonderful boy he is.  When he's fresh, he gets angry with himself when I deal with it with him and he says he's a bad boy and doesn't like himself.  I quickly talk him out of that thinking.  I know it's a way he feels bad for doing something bad, but I don't want him thinking he's a bad boy because he's most definitely not. 

     I ask him if he's proud of himself when he does something good.  He says yes, and I tell him, "you should be and I'm proud of you."  This makes him feel great. 

    by AM-BRAT
    May 26, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    Thank you!

    by AM-BRAT
    May 26, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    I try to encourage and praise every day, for lots of things. Just reminder her how great it is to be with her too, when she's really on her game.  :)

  • earthangel1967
    May 26, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    I use only positive discipline. I try to catch them being good and make a bigger deal out of that than the negatives.

    I figure out what they care about most and are most talented at or passionate about and encourage and invest in those things.

    I respect and LISTEN to what they say and feel and think and allow them to respectfully agree to disagree with me as they have aright to their own opinions.

    I teach them lots of life skills and how to be independent there is so much self respect and confidence and esteem involved in doing that.

    I tell them and SHOW them that THEY are our top priorities

    I dont judge them or think less of them for mistakes but remind them we learn and evolve from our mistakes and its only human

  • ceciliam
    May 27, 2011 at 8:41 AM


    Quoting jerzeetomato:

     love this article.  I try to acknowledge their accomplishments, their efforts, their kind deeds.

  • starfilled
    May 27, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    I try to give appropriate praise, but I mean, we're still at the age where a party gets thrown every time he poops in the potty for one of my kids.  LOL.  So, yeah, it's a bit overboard, but it's not going to be an ongoing thing.  With my older DS, he gets a "good job on your homework" when he sits down to do his homework and doens't have to be redirected and he gets a special meal when he makes honor roll.  I think, for their ages, we have good balance.  Both my kids are pretty confident.

  • Bmat
    by Bmat
    May 27, 2011 at 10:28 PM

    I use positive reinforcement.  I don't shout "Good Job!" for everything the children do,  but if they try and succeed I am happy with them. If they don't succeed, then I let them know I am glad they tried.

  • alexis_06
    May 27, 2011 at 11:52 PM

    i TRY not to be to negative when she does something wrong, and when i see her doing good, or gets something right im SUPER excited..and i make sure that she knows that i am proud of her! hearing those words "i'm soo proud of you" are very important for children to hear..and i dont think parents say that enuff to their children.    even if she does something as simple as taking her dirty dishes to the sink, i make sure i say something to her to acknowledge what she did. 

Parenting Positive Kids

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