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RKL10
Questions/ Help Needed
by RKL10
November 7, 2013 at 11:38 PM
Hi I have a question. So here is a little background to the story I currently live in San Diego due to my husband being in the Navy but we are originally from another state so we have no family out here. We raised our one year old by our selfs and had no one at all since she was born. Now here is my question my mom is out here visiting me and it's the second day and I can't handle it she keeps telling me what to do and when to do it I'm about to break down or freak out I just want to tell her mom I got it I've done this by myself for a year almost two there is so much tension it's driving me nuts. She keeps saying words under her breath( she has done my whole childhood ) like that's rude or calling me the b word and of course I can hear it, but she denies that she says anything she keeps saying to my daughter to pick up her toys when it's two hours before her bedtime because she wants to go to bed. I don't know what to do so any help would be awesome I am trying to be understanding I have never gone through this before haha

Replies

  • cocoroo
    by cocoroo
    November 8, 2013 at 12:14 AM

    Just be straightforward with her and tell her to keep her opinions to herself.  I lived with my parents until my oldest two were 5 and 2.  It was hard for my mom to separate herself from caregiving.  With my youngest two, there were times she would visit I had to tell her to back the fuck off, lol.  

  • RKL10
    by RKL10
    November 8, 2013 at 12:48 AM
    I am also an only child I feel like this makes it worse haha
  • RKL10
    by RKL10
    November 8, 2013 at 12:54 AM
    I am also an only child I feel like me being an only child makes it worse haha


    Quoting cocoroo:

    Just be straightforward with her and tell her to keep her opinions to herself.  I lived with my parents until my oldest two were 5 and 2.  It was hard for my mom to separate herself from caregiving.  With my youngest two, there were times she would visit I had to tell her to back the fuck off, lol.  


  • USAFamily
    November 8, 2013 at 1:35 AM
    I have gone through the same thing. I respectfully told my mother, and then my mother in law that I appreciated them but was doing what I know is best. It's super important to set boundaries from to beginning, or you will be walked all over.
  • cocoroo
    by cocoroo
    November 8, 2013 at 1:43 AM
    You might be screwed, lol. Just tell her how you feel. She will either accept it or drive a wedge in your relationship. Good luck. I am 36 and past caring what my mother says about my parenting. It helps that I live 2500 miles away and have seen her once in 7 years.

    Quoting RKL10:

    I am also an only child I feel like me being an only child makes it worse haha




    Quoting cocoroo:

    Just be straightforward with her and tell her to keep her opinions to herself.  I lived with my parents until my oldest two were 5 and 2.  It was hard for my mom to separate herself from caregiving.  With my youngest two, there were times she would visit I had to tell her to back the fuck off, lol.  


  • anchorgurl
    November 8, 2013 at 6:10 AM

     This is really good advice.  Your mom probably still sees you as a "kid"--even though you are an adult with a family of your own.  Just explain that you appreciate her wanting to help, but that you and DH want to make the decisions on how to parent your child.  Hope things get better for you :)

    Quoting USAFamily:

    I have gone through the same thing. I respectfully told my mother, and then my mother in law that I appreciated them but was doing what I know is best. It's super important to set boundaries from to beginning, or you will be walked all over.

     

  • .oOMellyOo.
    November 8, 2013 at 9:00 AM

    The talking under her breath thing would drive me batshit crazy.... but I'm bitch enough to say "I'm sorry, you were mumbling what did you say?" My MIL would do that, and when I started asking what she said it put the kabash on that real quick. But as for the "over parenting" tell her that you've been doing this for over a year and you've not managed to kill her yet, and her advice while well meaning is not needed. I have a great mother, and I had to tell her to back off. Set the bounderies now.

  • DvlDogWfe
    November 8, 2013 at 11:55 AM
    Explain to her that you deserve respect in your home and will not tolerate the name calling. She can stay in a motel or go back home if she doesn't agree. As for the parenting advice, like the others have said, let her know she is your child and you will decide what is best.
  • RKL10
    by RKL10
    November 8, 2013 at 12:24 PM
    Oh it does drive me crazy when she does the talking under her breath I've asked multiple times about what she said she just replies that she didn't say anything which almost makes it worse haha and it's been for multiple years too hasn't changed anything haha. Well let's hope everything is better today thanks for all the tips and help


    Quoting .oOMellyOo.:

    The talking under her breath thing would drive me batshit crazy.... but I'm bitch enough to say "I'm sorry, you were mumbling what did you say?" My MIL would do that, and when I started asking what she said it put the kabash on that real quick. But as for the "over parenting" tell her that you've been doing this for over a year and you've not managed to kill her yet, and her advice while well meaning is not needed. I have a great mother, and I had to tell her to back off. Set the bounderies now.


  • RKL10
    by RKL10
    November 8, 2013 at 12:25 PM
    Thank you for your advice


    Quoting anchorgurl:

     This is really good advice.  Your mom probably still sees you as a "kid"--even though you are an adult with a family of your own.  Just explain that you appreciate her wanting to help, but that you and DH want to make the decisions on how to parent your child.  Hope things get better for you :)


    Quoting USAFamily:

    I have gone through the same thing. I respectfully told my mother, and then my mother in law that I appreciated them but was doing what I know is best. It's super important to set boundaries from to beginning, or you will be walked all over.

     


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