UCFknight
do planes, cars, and phones work in both directions?!
October 2, 2012 at 3:11 PM

my husband and I have been together for 13 years, 12 of which he has served in the military (marine corps and now navy). My parents are both military service members so they understand the life we live. But I am beginning to really get adgitated with his mom. 

For starters she thinks we are rolling in money and is always asking for something every few months for her other two kids (i.e. my husband's adult siblings). She gets mad at my husband when he doesn't call her every few days (but my husband right now is going through a very intense training and sometimes the kids and I don't even get to see him for a few days because he leaves early and comes home after bedtime), and last year we took a 26 day vacation home and she was upset because we only spent 15 days with her and her family (we are from orlando, Fl, so we spent a few of those days doing theme parks with our kids)!  My husband sat down with her a day before our 26 day vacation ended to find out why she was so upset and crying. She told him, she thought he had changed and wasn't the same person he was in high school. He thought that was a good thing because he is independent, but apparently she wants all her grown children to still stay attached at the hip to him. 

I have bent over backwards to make this woman happy. I talk to her more than my own parents (2-3 times a week), so she can have phone time with her grandkids, but she still isn't happy enough, because her son is not there for her talk to. My husband has begun to  pull away from her and even though he is busy, he no longer wants to really talk with her because she is always so negative when she gets on the phone with him. I just don't know what to do, family is family, and I don't want to turn my back on family, but she is being such a drama queen, and I didn't think a 55 year old woman could behave like this! anyone have family like this? how do I deal with her? I still want my kids to have a relationship with their Nana, but not if she is going to cause us so much frustration for our family!

Replies

  • jas_momof2
    October 2, 2012 at 4:07 PM

    You and your dh need to come up with ground rules.  ie - weekly, bi-weekly or monthly calls and tell her that's it.  There's enough stress and enough things going on that everyone is limited.

  • adrianna1043
    October 2, 2012 at 5:46 PM
    I wouldn't tell her anything, I just wouldn't call anymore. You wouldn't be turning your back on her, you'd be setting up boundaries. It's a game she is playing. I would just cut the contact back to not calling her, ever. Let her call you, and only answer once in a while, and be really short with her.
  • UCFknight
    October 2, 2012 at 6:16 PM
    I'm thinking i am getting to that point. But I start to think if I'm adding fuel to fire by cutting her off. Although we have offered to fly up here to see us, and she even took a vacation a few months ago to go visit her dad who lives five hours from us, and she never even called that she was on vacation or so close to us. I'm just getting tired of trying and running out of ways to accommodate her feelings.
  • adoptivemomof1
    October 2, 2012 at 6:52 PM

    Personally, I would tell hubby that she is his mother and that she is his responsibility...meaning, he should be the one calling her...it sounds like she is a person who never is happy and nothing you do will change that...I refuse to be responsible for hubby's relationships with his family- that's on him...I am kind and loving to them- I buy the gifts for occasions but the day to day stuff is all him...I also tried to accomodate and well, it never was enough and really he is the one they want to speak with anyhow....