Moms with Teens

Need some advice on 14 year old son
August 19, 2009 at 4:51 PM

My son started doing weights and all that leads up to playing football. They just started doing 2 a days on monday and he just quit this morning. Our little motto we have is, once you start a sport you need to finish it. Granted he never wanted to play, he did anyway to make his dad happy. I'm sorry, but if your head and heart are not in the game then don't do it. My husband does not look at it that way. You gotta try everything at least once. When he told his dad that he had quit I thought he was gonna fly threw the phone and freak out on him. I was also upset that he had quit, but, we went up to the school and talked with the counselor there and she pretty much agreed that if your head and heart are not in the game that you shouldn't play. My problem is, when dad does come home from work today, everything is going to hit the fan. How can I get my husband and my son to understand each others points.

Christi (Bugsmom23) frustrated 


  • PortiaCat
    August 19, 2009 at 11:45 PM

    I agree with you and the counselor. If you don't enjoy something, why do it if it isn't a required part of life? My dad made my brother go fishing with him all the time when we were little, and he hated it. I would have loved to go fishing, but Dad wouldn't take me because I was a girl. Now we both resent Dad for that and all the other unreasonable expectations he had of us. 

    Ask your hubby if he would try underwater basket weaving (lol). Seriously though, think of something that you know he wouldn't enjoy, but many other people do enjoy. Ask him if he would be a happier and better person if he were made to try very hard to be successful at it for several months. Or would he just be miserable? My hubby used to insist that our daughter eat things she didn't like. But I cured him of that way of thinking by reminding him that he was made to eat cauliflower when he was a kid. He hated it so much it made him barf.

    I am a school teacher and I know how hard those football players work; the sacrifices they make during the entire season is mind boggling-they really have to want it. You really do have to have an interest in it; and there has to be a desire to participate as well. Some people prefer to be spectators. I have a few students who just don't get into sports that much, but they make great fans and support the teams that way.  

    Good luck :)

  • monica51
    August 20, 2009 at 9:05 AM

    If your son is not into I don't think he should have to do it. When my son was younger around the age where kids do start wanting do it we took our son and signed him up he thought it was fun for a couple days than did not want to play. We could tell even when during practice that he was not in to it and was not putting his heart in the game. we felt that it would hurt the team so we took him out.

  • Evanmak0094
    August 20, 2009 at 9:35 AM

    I agree that your son shouldn't be made to play if his heart isn't into it.  Why force him to do something when it requires sooo much effort if he's not interested in it?  I wouldn't want to do it either.  Here it's over 100 degrees every day and those kids go out there in the sweltering heat with all that heavy equipment on and run laps, etc.  That's hard!!  Find something he is interested in and let him try that.  You could also have a rule he needs to stick with it for a good while to give it a chance, but let him choose it. Maybe he's just not a sports kid.  Some kids just aren't.  Maybe he's more interested in single sports instead of a team sport, or playing a musical instrument.  Try and find out what your son's strength is.

  • Bugsmom23
    August 20, 2009 at 5:49 PM

    Thank you to those that replied back

  • bergencounty
    August 24, 2009 at 9:43 PM

    There is always soccer ... lol.

    If sports are not his thing, I am sure he can find another interest at school.

    Photography, school newspaper, theatre, music, etc.


  • millerranch2003
    August 26, 2009 at 9:11 AM

    We went through a similar situation with my husband and boys.  My husband grew up in rodeo, riding bulls and broncs.  Well, he had it in his head that since he did it then the boys would "love it" as much as he did.  We entered them in a couple of Jr. Rodeos and they absolutely hated it, almost as much as I did.  I just had to remind my hubby that even though that may have been his dream it wasn't theres.  Did your husband play football in high school or is just trying to push it on your boy because it was a dream of his because he didn't get to play?

  • Wyndi
    by Wyndi
    August 28, 2009 at 4:19 PM

    I don't know what I can add to the other great advice you have gotten. Sit down with your DS and try to find out  what HIS interests are. Then help him get started in those interests. He just might surprise you.

    As for your husband ask him if he would like to be a cheerleader in one of those little skirts for a year at any age! LOL.

  • LizWillJelly
    August 29, 2009 at 11:08 PM

    I just want to let you know that you are not alone.  My son, who is also 14, decided one day to quit football.  Now let me tell you he has played since he was 8 years old with YAFL.  His team was just beginning to practice for the first week and he decided, after I got his sports physical, that he doesnt want to play this year.  I was so mad at him I could have screamed and China heard it.  He still had his helmet and needed to return it.  Since I was still mad at him, I made him return his helmet to his coach, in front of his entire football team.  So people, feel free to say "how mean could you be?"  but that was my way of telling him that I was unhappy with his decision.  My son is a avid computer player, and this was my way of getting him to be more physical.  Now I dont know what to do.  But, my husband and I both have the same feeling about not quiting during the season, since the season had not actually started I allowed it. Do I regret it, kind of.  His excuse for quiting was he did not want to wear the uniform.  Yes, he never liked the uniform, but needless to say he is good at football.  At some point our boys need to discover for themselves that their choices will determine their futures.  I just hope that it is sooner and not later so its not to late to go back.

  • SeadooMom
    August 30, 2009 at 5:20 PM


    Boy, this is a tough situation.  I know because I've dealt with it before.  My son is now 19 and his dad and I are divorced (for the last 4 years).  My ex-husband always loved our son but was always disappointed with him because they didn't enjoy the same things.  My son liked legos, drawing, digital imaging, video games.  My ex-husband liked backpacking, hiking, golf, driving fast, sailing.  They had nothing in common and my ex always tried to force our son to like what he like and would continually force him into situations that were terrible for him.  I was always the buffer.  I used to feel so sorry for my son because it was obvious that his dad wished he were different.

    Not that this will happen in your situation, but my son started defending himself and getting in fights with his dad as he got older.  His dad and I divorced (not for this reason alone) and my son hasen't spoken to his dad in 3 years.

    The advice I have is stand up for your son.  As long as he is a respectible human being, he should be free to be the person he wants to be without his dad's negative influence.  Your husband should love and support him for who he not, not keep wishing he had a son with all of his interests.

    Good luck.  You sound like a good mom.


  • ohmommamia
    August 30, 2009 at 5:23 PM

    My opinion is that you don't force a child to play a sport or participate in something they do not want to do.  We (even as adults) don't like to do things we don't enjoy.

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