Moms with Teens

Scared to let go!
May 3, 2014 at 12:36 AM

My son turned 16 in Oct. He has his permit, but I really haven't let him drive that much. I must admit I am terrified. It's not that I don't trust him, it's other drivers. His father was killed in a car accident 4 yrs ago on a simple drive home about a mile from out driveway. I know that also has a lot to do with my fear. I have prayed to be able to deal but it's so hard. Any ideas to help me let go?


  • nana776
    by nana776
    May 3, 2014 at 12:44 AM

    That would be really hard for me too. My ds is getting his permit in a couple of weeks. I'm scared to death too. Sorry I have no advice, just someone to commiserate with.

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    May 3, 2014 at 2:57 AM

    I guess this is something you will have to deal with.  Did you have counseling back then at all?  It is just a part of growing up and a process of letting go.  Mine didn't get a license till junior year of HS but we got them a car and when they had their license they could drive pretty much everywhere except the first couple weeks we asked them to not drive at night alone till they were used to driving around in the daylight alone first.  Mine are 20 and 23 now so I have pretty much fully let go of my kids.  I mean it is 2am and my 23 year old isn't home yet.  Its a part of life where they have to make good decisions and you have to figure you raised them right. 

    Part of driving is learning defensive driving and that comes with experience.  You can only get it by driving and anticipating the other drivers. 

    I see he just has his permit only.  Is he asking when he will be able to get his license and drive alone.  They need lots of driving experience to get their license.  I let mine drive everywhere we went. 

  • zacmacsmomm
    May 3, 2014 at 12:47 PM

    Just something you have to deal with and do it. 

  • Serendipitous1
    May 4, 2014 at 7:44 AM
    So sorry for your loss. I can certainly empathize with you in that you are having a hard time with your DS driving. Let your DS get as much practice with you as possible. Assure him that you trust him. He is probably anxious, too. The more drive time he acquires with you, you will hopefully feel more confident in his driving abilities. You and your DS will be fine. Best to you!
  • suesues
    by suesues
    May 4, 2014 at 9:47 AM

    he has got to get experience so let him go you will always be nervous just let him go keep busy while he is out with car 

  • my2kidsmom9498
    May 4, 2014 at 7:43 PM

    Everyone is nervous when the kid starts to drive, but you have even more so, a valid reason.  Don't let your fear hinder his steps forward.  I am sure that those thoughts are going through his mind as well.  Just assure him that there are no guarnantees in life, but accidents, while they occur, are not always so bad much less fatal.  Prayers!!

  • Crazylife1994
    May 4, 2014 at 10:25 PM

    Let him drive with you for many monthes. As time passes you will feel a little better.

  • Ewa101
    by Ewa101
    May 5, 2014 at 7:29 AM

    Your fear is understandable, and maybe counseling would help.  Everybody worries when their kids start driving, and with your history, I can only try to imagine how much harder is letting your child drive.  You can explain to him where your fear comes from, you can sign him up for classes, including defensive driving, and then let go and pray.  What are the alternatives?  Public transportation?  Or worse - having his friends drive him?  Having you drive him?  At the very beginning when they are tentative drivers, I believe they are safe.  it's when they become cocky - that's when trouble begins.

    It's true about "the other drivers" but we are all exposed to them.  We can only hope for the best, and hone our skills.

  • butzi
    by butzi
    May 6, 2014 at 11:46 AM
    My husband really struggles with this as well. His father was killed in a car accident. There are some skills you can use to help deal with your anxiety. One is acknowledging the feelings... Say to yourself, every time you notice it, wow! I am really anxious about--- driving, but it's not about his driving, it's about my fear. Then set it aside. When you notice it again acknowledge it again. Another skill is distraction while he is driving, do something else... Clean, work, watch a show, read a book...something that requires your attention. Contribute; it is a well known fact that serving others will help you feel better about your own situation. I hope these suggestions help you. I am so sorry for your loss. I know from my husband that this is such a difficult thing to work through.
  • bamamom77
    May 6, 2014 at 3:35 PM
    He is asking to get his license and is taking driver's ed. He actually does a great job when he does drive. I still have two more kids after this. Hopefully, I'll be better when they get there.

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