Moms with Teens

createive
Rebuilding trust with your teenager
December 20, 2013 at 6:59 PM

My 15 year old DD got caught breaking all of the rules in the book... yes all at one time. We trusted her she was very clever.

Now after 6 weeks of no phone, being grounded and a couple of other punishemts along with several talks, good crys and hugs she will be given her devices and will not be grounded in a week. I'm scared. I don't trust her.

She says she's "gonna be good" she now knows all wrong doing comes out. She doesn't want to be the person she was being and the stress of what she was up to wasn't worth it. Again, she is saying all of the right things...see, I don't trust her. I let her take the bus home insted of picking her upfrom school, I couldn't be in 2 places at one time my 12 year old had an orhtodontsit appointment I didn't want her to miss and I was a nervous wreck the whole time. When I got home she was making frienship bracelts cuddled up watching TV. Whew.

I know trust is earned and it comes with time. But the hours wondering what she was doing while we were at the ortho were painful. She's made plans with a seemingly trusted friend in a week, and I will talk to the parents before they get together.

Any sage words here?

Replies

  • drfink
    by drfink
    December 20, 2013 at 11:31 PM

     One step at a time ...inch by inch.It is tough but let her continue to earn your trust .You are on the right track.Hope she continues doing well.

  • drfink
    by drfink
    December 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM

     

    Quoting 1sipandimgone:

     

    Quoting drfink:

     One step at a time ...inch by inch.It is tough but let her continue to earn your trust .You are on the right track.Hope she continues doing well.

    GAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY LOL

     If you don't like my answer I must be doing it right LOL

  • starlite204
    December 21, 2013 at 12:23 AM

    id keep checking up on her, just so she knows that what she did, has consiqueinces, she wont like it but she has to earn her trust.

  • PurpleHazey
    December 21, 2013 at 6:15 AM

    I taught my kids from an early stage once you break my trust, there will be none and that will be like that for a very long time. To be honest I don't think they can ever earn it back with me until they move out.

  • GleekingOut
    December 21, 2013 at 8:11 AM

    One mom I knew had a kid that broke her trust - and when she began earning it back by spending unsupervised time with friends on outings, the mom would text her and say 'within 2 minutes I want a picture of you and (name) in this pose, by this location' She changed the pose/location EVERY time so they couldn't preplan a picture. I would activiate GPS tracking on her phone - when she got it back -  also as a 'trust' step so that I knew where she was at all times. Cause you can't lock her down until her 18th birthday - she'll just go wild once she turns 18; you want her to LEARN from her mistakes, so give her the tools and supervision to slowly earn her wings back.

  • Not_A_Native
    December 21, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    What rules did she break all at one time?  Was it a one time thing?

    Give her the trust - your worry is YOU.  And if she broke "all the rules, all at one time" but is otherwise generally a good kid - I wouldn't be so hard on her.  Everyone makes mistakes.

  • mumsy2three
    December 21, 2013 at 11:21 AM


    Quoting drfink:

    It is tough but let her continue to earn your trust .You are on the right track.Hope she continues doing well.

    Agree! Keep her on a very short leash so to speak and as she proves herself trustworthy over time extend the time she can have with friends, devices, etc.

  • Barabell
    December 21, 2013 at 8:12 PM

    SHE has to make the effort to earn your trust back. Explain to her that she has to make the effort to show that she is doing things right this time.

    I agree that it will be inch by inch, and I also think you're on the right track.

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    December 21, 2013 at 8:59 PM
    Trust will take a long time to get back. It doesn't happen overnight.
  • Monsita
    by Monsita
    December 30, 2013 at 1:11 PM
    You take baby steps.

    Seems like you are helping her to be in the right track.

    Just remember, as a parent you can trust and verified, lol

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