Moms with Teens

KepDll
Teen drug use- Your general advice afterwards PLEASE
by KepDll
September 30, 2013 at 11:32 PM

My husband found out today that my stepdaughter was suspended from school for having marijuana and a pipe in her bag TWO WEEKS AGO. Her mother decided it was best to have my stepdaughter tell us (GREAT plan) and the school never called us (only her mom). What is most effective approach 2 weeks later?  I feel like she already has been talked to about this by her mother for two weeks and completed her punishment with the school, and a teen will only pay attention to so much.  I know we have to do something, but I have no idea what is effective so late in the game.

Replies

  • GleekingOut
    October 1, 2013 at 2:24 AM

    How old is she? What was mom's punishment?...Honestly if it was me as a bio parent, this would be something that would make me file a motion for sole custody, just by bio mom keeping it from you...

  • gonecrazi
    October 1, 2013 at 1:58 PM

     Depends on what bio mom did. You really got this one late.

  • boys2men2soon
    October 1, 2013 at 8:21 PM

    It is water under the bridge now.  Too late for consequences, in my opinion.....but it is never too late to TALK.    Talk to her.  Find out why she self medicates.   This may be an opportunity in disguise....if her Mom and the school already disciplined her, you are in a position to open the lines of communication, calmly.

  • juno1
    by juno1
    October 1, 2013 at 8:38 PM

    First, i would contact the school and make sure that your husband is on the contact list.  Let them know her parents live in separate households and all information like this should be shared with Mom and Dad.  

    You ddn't say how old she is.  This is, as another poster said, a great opportunity to talk calmy about it.  Punishment meted out  this late, and after she already was punished my mom and school, will only make her super resentful.  This is a golden opportunity to open up lines of communication.

    If you feel like she is still using get some drug tests.  You can find them in a local drugstore. I used to tell my kids that if they needed to tell their friends that I drug tested them regularly to go ahead and tell them that...to make me the bad guy.  By the same token, they always knew that if I suspected, and they weren't honest, and I was worried, that they were peeing in a cup.   My job, i tell them,  is to keep them safe and if their teenage brains were on the blittz and telling them to do something stupid...my brain was going to take over...  

  • gdiamante
    October 2, 2013 at 12:55 AM

    Profile says 16 years old.

    You need to get on the same page with mom completely. And the page should include a plan for making sure no more marijuana or pipes show up in her possession. Same message, same consequences in both households.

    I'd probably be doing a daily baf inspection and inspecting her room. She's proven herself to not be trustworthy so she needs to gain the trust back. Yeah, the pipe offense was two weeks ago but the lie of ommission is current. And THAT is what needs to be dealt with so she never tries it again.

    Also give the school instructions that father AND mother are to be called for all infractions.

  • bizzeemom2717
    Jen
    October 2, 2013 at 1:24 AM

     Work on the relationship with mom so this doesn't happen again.

  • KepDll
    by KepDll
    October 3, 2013 at 8:14 PM

    Thank you all for your replies.  She is 15, 10th grade.  The talk with her was a good start for us and it felt effective.  I am fearful of threatening with drug tests, because my mother always threw in my sister's face that she did not trust her when my sister got into drugs as a teen and my sister turned out to be an addict.  What are everyone's thoughts on that?  Like suggesting you don't trust a teen could cause them to feel like they have nothing to lose, so why not keep disappointing?  Super curious of others' cause and effects with those situations or your opinion on my thought process.  If I'm the only one who thinks that way, maybe drug tests can be introduced if needed.  Thank you all again!!!!

  • luckysevenwow
    October 3, 2013 at 9:09 PM

    I agree with this

    Quoting boys2men2soon:

    It is water under the bridge now.  Too late for consequences, in my opinion.....but it is never too late to TALK.    Talk to her.  Find out why she self medicates.   This may be an opportunity in disguise....if her Mom and the school already disciplined her, you are in a position to open the lines of communication, calmly.


  • luckysevenwow
    October 3, 2013 at 9:09 PM

    For a first time offense I would not go to automatic drug testing, but would if it ever happened again.

  • PurpleHazey
    October 4, 2013 at 3:27 AM

    This is not good, why do parents hide things from the other parent, this I will never understand.

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