Moms with Teens

miss_AP
OT - Can I borrow your expertise?
by miss_AP
July 29, 2013 at 11:14 PM

Hey there mamas.....I'm hoping you might be willing to lend me your expertise. My daughters are 7 and 4....and I'm hoping to get some wisdom from some mamas that have already been there done that with where I am. I apologize in advance if its long, but if you make it through and have any words of wisdom....I sure would appreciate it!


I'll try to keep it as brief as possible with very little history. Divorced, a year out, amicable, almost friendly but distant. My family is here, we are close, spend lots of time there. Ex-husband is a good dad but not attuned, doesn't discipline, no rules, typical "dad" stuff. I'm really struggling with encouraging a healthy diet and healthy decisions for my girls. I KNOW they are only 7 and 4...and I don't think I'm expecting too much. I'm not a complete health nut....we go out to eat, we eat fast food, we like to go for ice cream. I have terrible eating habits and I'm trying *really* hard to make that better, adn at the same time instill some good eating habits and healthy decision making for my girls BEFORE its too hard for them. I think I do a good job of balancing healthy without making treats that forbitten fruit at home.

The problem lies when they are at their dads, and then we go to my mom's.....and it's just everywhere. I'm trying to lessen the artificial coloring, I try to keep treats as TREATS....they are only treats if they are occasional items. When you have candy/cookie/ice cream/sugar every day they cease being treats and just are expected and commonplace. Their dad gives them something sweet every day after school. We eat at my mom's several times a week and we rarely get out of there without sweets, though sometimes when I am there with the girls and not the extended family. When my sis and nephews are there forget it. In order to counteract that, I feel like I am always saying no to anything fun. I don't want to make it the forbidden fruit....but it seems to be leading to an environment of hiding and sneaking. Only with regard to treats.....and I just don't know how to deal with it. 

I don't want them to have none, not even close. But I really think its inappropriate and too much to have a couple pieces of licorice after school, and gatorade, and then have chocolate milk with dinner and then have cookies or popcicles or ice cream after dinner. Every day. I think its just excessive. If I absolutely have to I can email my ex and appeal to his good sense and see if he will be supportive...but I'd like to try to deal with it with me and my two girls in our environment as much as possible. He might listen, and he might take a little bit of it to heart, but it won't last and it will change the dynamic....and yes, I know this, because we were married for 8 years. I know exactly what his reaction is going to be and it's just something I don't want to deal with if I don't have to. 

So thanks if you made it......did you have to deal with sneaking and lying? How did you balance all the outside influences and encourage your kids to make the right decisions for your family values without making things "off limits" or forbidden? If you have some healthy advice that would be great...but partially I'm seeing this as an ongoing issue that I'm not dealing with well and was hoping all you seasons veterans might have some advice for me....whether its sugar or TV or video games or language or.....whatever. I figure you have the advantage of hindsight being 20/20 and seeing what worked and what didnt.....


TIA if you can lend some words of advice!


Replies

  • lucky2Beeme
    July 30, 2013 at 6:04 AM
    How about making a deal with the kids. They can have sweets 3 days a week. No matter whose home they are at. They can choose which day but only 3. If they follow this they will be rewarded.Rewards could be extra time to read at night a bike ride or walk at the park after dinner. Something they would like to earn. You could go ss far as to have reward nights on the days the don't choose sweets. Try to make the rewards an activity that includes you doing it with them.
    To deal with negative influenced ot behavior talk about your house rules. Talk about why they are the best rules for you all. Talk about others rules. That just as everyone doesn't like to wear pony tails or play the flute its ok for each household. To choose the best rules for them.
  • MrsBLB
    by MrsBLB
    July 30, 2013 at 9:43 AM

    I agree with the above.

    I think I would also try and get their Dad on the same page, to reinforce what you are teaching them.  

    You are doing them a huge favor by doing this.  Good for you!

  • fammatthews4
    July 30, 2013 at 10:07 AM

    I think this is great advise.

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:

    How about making a deal with the kids. They can have sweets 3 days a week. No matter whose home they are at. They can choose which day but only 3. If they follow this they will be rewarded.Rewards could be extra time to read at night a bike ride or walk at the park after dinner. Something they would like to earn. You could go ss far as to have reward nights on the days the don't choose sweets. Try to make the rewards an activity that includes you doing it with them.
    To deal with negative influenced ot behavior talk about your house rules. Talk about why they are the best rules for you all. Talk about others rules. That just as everyone doesn't like to wear pony tails or play the flute its ok for each household. To choose the best rules for them.


  • Barabell
    July 30, 2013 at 10:22 AM

    I agree with this advice too. I think it puts the decision more in their hands and teaches them better control than just saying no to them.

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:

    How about making a deal with the kids. They can have sweets 3 days a week. No matter whose home they are at. They can choose which day but only 3. If they follow this they will be rewarded.Rewards could be extra time to read at night a bike ride or walk at the park after dinner. Something they would like to earn. You could go ss far as to have reward nights on the days the don't choose sweets. Try to make the rewards an activity that includes you doing it with them.
    To deal with negative influenced ot behavior talk about your house rules. Talk about why they are the best rules for you all. Talk about others rules. That just as everyone doesn't like to wear pony tails or play the flute its ok for each household. To choose the best rules for them.


  • 02nana07
    Ida
    July 30, 2013 at 10:33 AM

     As a step parent I know when you only have the kids part time you tend to let them by with more and give in because you want to enjoy your time with them.

    I would say something sweet every other night and tell your girls if the use all their sweets somewhere else they get none at home.

    Do a chart some weeks they get 3 some 4 and put a sticker on the nights they have a sweet at the time they have the # for the week they know they can't have anymore no matter where they are.

  • boys2men2soon
    July 30, 2013 at 11:00 AM

    Another idea is to make homemade cookies and homemade popsicles to take to your Mom's for dessert....  that way you can control the amount of artificial coloring and sugars.

  • MrsBLB
    by MrsBLB
    July 30, 2013 at 11:06 AM

    I really like this idea.

    Quoting boys2men2soon:

    Another idea is to make homemade cookies and homemade popsicles to take to your Mom's for dessert....  that way you can control the amount of artificial coloring and sugars.


  • HilbillyMamaof3
    July 30, 2013 at 3:06 PM
    You can also make healthy deserts to take. We slice and freeze watermelon and have that instead of ice cream, we also have sliced apples with yogurt as a healthy snack.


    Quoting boys2men2soon:

    Another idea is to make homemade cookies and homemade popsicles to take to your Mom's for dessert....  that way you can control the amount of artificial coloring and sugars.


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