Moms with Teens

marriedw6kids
Am I asking too much of my 18 year old?
July 28, 2013 at 11:27 AM

My oldest daughter attended a short CNA program, she graduated yesterday and needs me to take care of the remaining balance of $800 on her loan (The first $1,000) was paid for by my Dad. -Well, she doesn't speak to me, has blocked me on facebook and honestly doesn't show me an interest in having a relationship with me. She moved out of my house last August to live with her Dad. So I don't see much of her either.

I went to her graduation and she didn't even say two words when I gave her, her gift.I am still willing to pay the $800 because it was for education. However, I would like her come to my house once a week and do housework, babysit her younger siblings, or just help me out with whatever is going on. I work full time and I can always use the help. -

I am planning on telling her this today.

Do you think this is fair? The reason I am asking is because when I had offered to pay this three months ago, I didn't tell her that I wanted her to do ANYTHING in return. However at that time she was treating me with a lot more respect.

 I don't feel as though I should pay a loan off for a disrespectuful brat unless she is willing to do something to help me. She is going to be by later today to pick up the signed loan papers...please give me your advice!

Replies

  • mjande4
    by mjande4
    July 28, 2013 at 11:31 AM

    I don't like money that has strings attached. Although I agree that she should treat you with respect, as a parent I believe that it is my job to pay for education. It sounds like you have a wide gap in sibling ages and/or step siblings and their might be some hostility. Hopefully as she ages, the relationship will improve. I would pay the tuition, but not expect labor for it.

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    July 28, 2013 at 11:31 AM
    If she was to pay the $800, I would make her pay it. Who's name is the loan in?
  • marriedw6kids
    July 28, 2013 at 11:36 AM

    The loan is in her name, but she doesn't have established credit therefore she needs a co-signer. She also isn't working right now so she has no way to make the payments. When my Dad paid for my education he said he expected me to "do a little more" to help my Mom. That was sort of our deal but then again my parents were married and I lived with them so it made it easier. -- What if I gave her ONE favor to do for me? Just one, so I felt like she was doing something  besides being a brat. My husband is not happy that I am still willing to pay after the way she has been treating me.

  • 02nana07
    Ida
    July 28, 2013 at 11:47 AM

     I wouldn't pay because I would feel I was being used just for what I could do for her.

  • Barabell
    July 28, 2013 at 12:13 PM

    I wouldn't give money with strings attached. It's manipulative. Either you want to pay or you don't.

    I agree how she's treating you isn't right, but it doesn't mean you should manipulate her to act the way you want. Instead, you should have a talk with her about her behavior and not involve money in it at all.

  • Kazmira222
    July 28, 2013 at 12:18 PM
    I would say, "treat me with a bit more respect am maybe I will." If she can't afford college then maybe she shouldn't go in right away. Perhaps she needs to find a job and determine what real responsibility really is.
  • lazyd
    by lazyd
    July 28, 2013 at 12:22 PM

    Why cant HER dad pay the loan??  I wouldnt pay the loan.  Your daughter needs to find a job - any job - and start payin the loan off herself - this is called LIFE - and she shouldnt expect her parents to keep payin off HER loans.  

  • marriedw6kids
    July 28, 2013 at 12:26 PM

    Her Dad says that since HE is feeding her and sheltering her that he doesn't have the money to do it.

  • marriedw6kids
    July 28, 2013 at 12:30 PM

    @Barabell, I don't feel like I am being manipulative. I feel like she needs to learn some sort of work ethic if she can't respect me then there is nothing I can do about it. I would like her tounderstand that she is 18 and needs to "earn" things. I don't know what I am doing yet.... I am leaning toward the idea of having her take her little sister to the uniform store for me and do school shopping for back to school, and then help her little sister organize her room and get ready for school. - Its a one day project, it would help me out alot and I would feel like she was trying to show me so apprecation.

  • boys2men2soon
    July 28, 2013 at 12:33 PM


    Quoting Barabell:

    I wouldn't give money with strings attached. It's manipulative. Either you want to pay or you don't.

    I agree how she's treating you isn't right, but it doesn't mean you should manipulate her to act the way you want. Instead, you should have a talk with her about her behavior and not involve money in it at all.

    I agree.

Moms with Teens