Moms with Teens

Renihope
Am I NUTS or Are They NUTS???
June 22, 2013 at 11:06 PM
My 17 year old daughter "Rose" is adopted and has ADHD and some other issues...she is about 2 years behind in maturity...her Boyfriend Jack has Bi-Polar issues, anger issues and ADD and is constantly in trouble with lying, behavioral problems and poor school work. Jack's mom is a single mom who at first I felt bad for with all she had to contend with, working and raising her two children on her own. Now I wonder about her...she seems to make rules and break them at a moments notice and is driving her son and my daughter nuts with it. I asked that Jack not go to my daughters place of work where she is working during the week as a camp counselor (as he was trying to do) and that my daughter needed to focus on her work Mon to Friday and was very busy with her group therapy, tennis and computer class. The mother is making it out like I am keeping them apart but she's ok with it and making my daughter angry at me. Meanwhile her son sits at home all day doing NOTHING and is flunking out of school. He has no summer job and no goals or activities. Next is my daughter's Best Friend "Carly" who I adore but has a wacko family situation where the dad had an affair, got the GF pregnant and left the wife to live with the pregnant GF. Carly's mother is depressed and suffers from anxiety and ADD. The mom thinks nothing of having my daughter sleep over even if it means coming over at 11:30 pm because they never sleep and are usually up till 2 pm easily. She also has her daughter not working this summer but sitting at home bored watching TV and on the computer 24/7. She has no set rules and her house looks like a bomb went off in it (like a hoarding alive episode)...I feel I have expectations and rules that are normal., ie., like your old enough to work or volunteer and not hang around on your butt, do chores around the house, take part in activities and sports, be with friends and family, go to bed at a reasonable hour and only see BF on weekends. I took away her phone for misusing it and returned it when she earned it back. So am I old fashioned? Out of touch? Or are these parents out of it???

Replies

  • gdiamante
    June 23, 2013 at 1:26 AM

    They are out of it. I think your daughter needs better friends.

  • opal10161973
    June 23, 2013 at 1:36 AM

    They are lazy and out of it.  It almost seems like they don't care or have given up.  I would never do that to my kids.  Once they hit 16, it's a job if you want something I am not willing to buy- like certain brand named clothes or electronics.  I would also allow volunteering as an option.  We have rules as an adult and it needs to be instilled in them as teens.  You work for what you want.  There are limits as to what is appropriate times to visit people, without special circumstances.  It is being a parent, not a roommate.  SMH

  • SAMI_JO
    by SAMI_JO
    June 23, 2013 at 6:37 AM

     Hats of to you! For having the drive and respect from your daughter that she is willing not to sit on her butt all summer. I am taking mine back and forth to summer camp daily for the entire summer. He complains but knows he has no choice. I don't have control over mine that you do, but that is because of lack of discipline early on, and had autism, OCD,ODD and other dx. I would give anything to have the control and respect that you do. Congratulations again on being a GREAT mom!

  • PurpleHazey
    June 23, 2013 at 8:31 AM

    At 17 she should be able to control herself, get her off those pills it we take over her whole life. 

  • PurpleHazey
    June 23, 2013 at 8:33 AM



    Quoting gdiamante:

    They are out of it. I think your daughter needs better friends.

    At 17 she needs to control herself and useing ADHD or ADD is just making things worse.


  • 02nana07
    Ida
    June 23, 2013 at 1:07 PM

     If she has all these problems what is she doing with a boyfriend in the 1st place.  She needs to get herself together before she has a boyfriend adding more problems to the mix.

  • bizzeemom2717
    Jen
    June 23, 2013 at 1:23 PM
    Every parent does their parenting differently. The boyfriend, yep it doesn't matter whether or not you agree with his mom's parenting style, you need to do what you feel is best for your Dd.
    As far as for the best friend. Just because they stay up late and the mom chooses to not require her kids to work doesn't make her a horrible parent. Sounds like she also went through a pretty terrible situation if her husband went out, got someone pregnant and left. I'm sure that's a TON to deal with, she's handling it in her own way, so judging that is crappy in my optinion. Worry about your own parenting and kids, it's what your sole/only responsibility is. If you don't feel confortable with her at the BFF house then don't let your kid go visit there.
  • Barabell
    June 23, 2013 at 8:12 PM

    I agree with this. 

    Quoting bizzeemom2717:

    Every parent does their parenting differently. The boyfriend, yep it doesn't matter whether or not you agree with his mom's parenting style, you need to do what you feel is best for your Dd.
    As far as for the best friend. Just because they stay up late and the mom chooses to not require her kids to work doesn't make her a horrible parent. Sounds like she also went through a pretty terrible situation if her husband went out, got someone pregnant and left. I'm sure that's a TON to deal with, she's handling it in her own way, so judging that is crappy in my optinion. Worry about your own parenting and kids, it's what your sole/only responsibility is. If you don't feel confortable with her at the BFF house then don't let your kid go visit there.


  • boys2men2soon
    June 23, 2013 at 11:18 PM

    You are not nuts.     As our kids grow older and more involved with their own friends and their families, we  get a birds eye view of how different families live.    I find myself surprised often at how some of my sons families live, treat one another, etc.     I try to have an open mind.   We all parent differently.   But, sometimes, I am downright shocked and even appalled.  smh.

    One family only does the dishes once a week.    This is a family of 7.   WTH?   I can't imagine having piles of dirty dishes... but that is me.

  • Renihope
    June 24, 2013 at 9:47 AM
    Wow..really took offense to this..I am not being a horrible critical person in my post about other people's parenting...DO I disagree with their parenting-YES...and as you say...not my style or my kid, but that said I am entiteled to voice my OPINION and thoughts here without being attacked for it and especially when I am viewing it in regards to my daughter..As for the parent of my daughters best friend-that situation happened three years ago and yes it totally sucked and was awful...and I was there to help btw. Still what I am witnessing is overwhelmed parents who are opting to allow their kids to do whatever because it is easier for THEM...I have many hell days at my house with my daughter and believe me I can feel for that plan...but if I give up, I am giving up on her and not role modeling or parenting...You have no idea what my life is like and has been like and if you knew you would rethink your unkind words...parenting is tough no matter what...and at different stages tougher then others..but that's what we signed up for

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