Moms with Teens

PeaceChild
Really pissed because...
June 18, 2013 at 9:57 PM

It's bad enough my husband is into pot.  Well, our 15 y/o son is into pot as well.  After discovering missing pot, (apparently our son stole his dad's pot, which he has done before) husband recently told our son he does not consider him his son anymore and to get the **** out of the house. Well, our son, being upset, took off to his friend's house, for which he has been staying the past few days. I've been in contact with him. Neither my husband or our son want anything to do with each other, won't talk to each other, etc. I've been trying to get him to come back home-he refuses.  Our son is on PINs diversion at this time, and I did make a call to his probation officer and left message not only to tell him our son is away at a friend's but also to inform him of my husband's pot usage. I also talked this over with my counselor, who makes home visits--I finally got up the nerve to tell her about my husband's usage. I can't see putting all the blame on our son, as his father smokes it too. I am ready to end my marriage over this, not only because of this, but because my husband has been verbally abusive to all of us-we have three kids-and I am so sick and tired of his blame, shame, hissy fits and games. I can only hope when we have return visit to the recovery center (we had our first visit last week, and I called left message to warn them about my husband's usage) for my son that they address my husband's substance issue too, for them both to get the help they need.  (read my former post in this group with title along the lines of -Our first visit to rehab) Anyway, I am in no shape financially to end this marriage right now even if I planned to; no job, for one, and super depressed so hardly any motivation to go on. Well, enough of my rant.

How would you handle this situation?
  • Only group members can vote in this poll.
  1. 65% - kick hubbie to the curb
  2. 0% - keep son away at friend's longer
  3. 4% - Have son come back home right away
  4. 29% - Demand family counseling

Replies

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    June 18, 2013 at 10:00 PM
    I would not ever be with anyone that smokes pot unless it was 100% medically necessary and all else failed.
  • Stelley
    by Stelley
    June 18, 2013 at 11:22 PM

    I don't usually vote to "kick him to the curb", but it's an abusive situation.  Check into a domestic violence shelter.  I went to one with my three kids because my DH was into drugs and the situation was becoming more volatile.  He has since been to prison for almost 2 years and been out of prison for 8 years.  He's grown up and put all of that behind him, but if he hadn't we wouldn't be together.  

  • diaperstodating
    June 18, 2013 at 11:25 PM



    Quoting atlmom2:

    I would not ever be with anyone that smokes pot unless it was 100% medically necessary and all else failed.

  • Momofmenagerie
    June 18, 2013 at 11:30 PM
    Okay, so how are you so positive he isn't lighting up at this friends house, too?

    You have three children and this man-child and put up a poll as to what we think you should do??????

    Our children are supposed to be protected in their own homes. You need an ex husband in order to not have ex children.
  • bluelola
    June 18, 2013 at 11:59 PM

    Oh wow..... your son stole his dad's pot and now his dad won't have anything to do with him.... "doesn't consider him his son anymore."  Sorry.... I really don't have a lot to say except why are you still with him??  One of your poll questions was "kick him to the curb" so please do it.  Nothing else..........

  • FindersKeepers
    June 19, 2013 at 12:10 AM

    "I learned it from watching you dad... "

    The message had impact because is rang true.   Unless you want to go through this same mess with your other kids you need to make a change.   You need to define your DEAL BREAKERS for yourself... no one else can do that.   Drugs, abuse, cheating our my 3 deal breakers... I voted 'kick to the curb' bc you asked what I would do.... In this senario 2 of my deal breakers would have been violated.... but you need to define your own boundaries.

  • drfink
    by drfink
    June 19, 2013 at 2:48 AM

    He values the loss of his pot over his child ? This is what stands out to me...no kid should steal from parents and vice versa but unless it has happened many times and every other approach has failed only then would tough love be appropriate.This is just a self centered man upset his pot was ripped off .It also appears your husband is more concerned about his pot than doing what is needed to help your son successfully in his rehab.

    If you really have zero options and you your children would be homeless then get on your meds...stay on them...think of your kids...get a job ,get on assistance and then leave.If you need look into family shelters.Here there are several...they provide a stable address and that helps when applying for work

  • 02nana07
    Ida
    June 19, 2013 at 7:15 AM

     Sorry you even need to ask there are shelters that will help women in your situation find a job and get on your feet while giving you emotional support and a place to stay with meals included.  I had a friend that kept venting until one day I had heard enough and told her I would take her and her child there and help them all I could.  At 1st she kept saying she just wanted to go back home.  After about a week she felt so much better about herself there was no way she would go back to him. 

  • MrsBLB
    by MrsBLB
    June 19, 2013 at 9:40 AM

    This.

    Quoting drfink:

    He values the loss of his pot over his child ? This is what stands out to me...no kid should steal from parents and vice versa but unless it has happened many times and every other approach has failed only then would tough love be appropriate.This is just a self centered man upset his pot was ripped off .It also appears your husband is more concerned about his pot than doing what is needed to help your son successfully in his rehab.

    If you really have zero options and you your children would be homeless then get on your meds...stay on them...think of your kids...get a job ,get on assistance and then leave.If you need look into family shelters.Here there are several...they provide a stable address and that helps when applying for work


  • Barabell
    June 19, 2013 at 11:51 AM


    Quoting Stelley:

    I don't usually vote to "kick him to the curb", but it's an abusive situation.  Check into a domestic violence shelter.   

    I agreed with your vote for the same reason.

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