Moms with Teens

justjess1025
Advice Needed: teen son vs fiancee.
June 17, 2013 at 8:31 PM

I constantly feel like I am in the middle of my teen son and my fiancee. Any advice on how to cope?  My fiancee is wonderful and we have a daughter together.  My son is wonderful but he is 14 and rebelling.  His father doesn't discipline him at all, I feel I am firm but fair and a bit light on punishmment but not lazy. My fiancee is old school, set in his ways and too strict in my opinon.  We are in a constant battle.


Replies

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    June 17, 2013 at 8:39 PM
    Set limits with all 3 of you there, and consequences that will happen. You 2 agree on discipline. If you are not married you need to be the diciplinarian, but he needs to respect your fiance and not be rude.
  • PurpleHazey
    June 17, 2013 at 8:58 PM

    You need to work out something and soon.

  • justjess1025
    June 17, 2013 at 9:42 PM

    I totally agree!!  

  • Momofmenagerie
    June 17, 2013 at 9:51 PM
    How old is your child together?

    How long have you and fiancée been together?

    Is there a relationship between your fiancée and son? One of mutual respect before "rebelling" hit or any affectionate teasing or anything?
  • Barabell
    June 17, 2013 at 10:02 PM

    One thing my husband and I will do is tell our son he is going to be punished, but that my husband and I will discuss the problem later that night and mutually decide on a punishment then.

  • justjess1025
    June 17, 2013 at 10:04 PM

    Our daughter is almost 3.  We have been together almost 5 years.  My son has always been rebellious, my other 2 boys are fine with him and they get along great but the middle one, typical middle child.. one minute they are best friends, the next at each other's throats.  My son doesnt like any authority.  He doesnt like being challenged. From coaches to teaches to us.  His father doesn't want to deal with him so he just gives him whatever he wants, so now he hates us and wants to live with his father.   I am hoping someday he realizes that the ones who have challenged him most are the ones who have cared.  He is exhausting.  My Fiance has no patience with him and has zero tolerance.  While I agree he needs to be respectful I also have tolerance for teens/ attitude and hormones so I can pick my battles vs everything being a constant battle but then it causes problems for me with my fiance.  Sorry, totally rambling.. lol

  • Momofmenagerie
    June 17, 2013 at 10:23 PM
    I' m confused did you answer these somewhere?
    Because if I'm to formulate a respectable an appropriate response, these are highly important questions to know the answers to.


    Quoting Momofmenagerie:

    How old is your child together?



    How long have you and fiancée been together?



    Is there a relationship between your fiancée and son? One of mutual respect before "rebelling" hit or any affectionate teasing or anything?

  • Txlisa7969
    June 17, 2013 at 10:53 PM

    My Dh is Step-Dad to my two teen daughters (we have a 6 yr old son together).  Starting around the age of 11 he and my younger daughter starting butting heads big time.  We switched things up some and I am now the "heavy" when dealing with her.  I do all the dicipline with my girls.  It was recommended to me by a counselor that the biological parents needs to be the one setting limits and giving out the concenquences.  Granted our situation is a little unique in the fact that I wasn't divorced but was widowed from my girl's father so he isn't in the picture at all.  It helped her's and my Dh's relationship quite a bit.  He gets to be the nice guy now.  It's what has worked for us. 

  • sabrtooth1
    June 18, 2013 at 12:28 AM
    Quoting justjess1025:    My fiancee is old school, set in his ways and too strict in my opinon.  We are in a constant battle.

    Should have figured that one out before you decided to have MORE children with men you are not married to.


  • Momofmenagerie
    June 18, 2013 at 2:59 AM
    Well, until, fiancé becomes stepdad ( 3 yr old daughter? What's the hold up, mama?)

    He's just a guy . You do have to be disciplinarian, on your terms.

    When you guys get married? Officially?
    THEN. Mom and stepdad come to the table, find a common ground of action together , and bring 14 yr old to the table with a typed up contract written in " truth but love" language dealing with the natural consequences regarding negative behavior. He has the chance to change or debate consequences, but " whatever" or " that's not fair" are not to be uttered from him, nor is pushing him to agree when he doesn't, as he'll just push back harder.

    My son has to sign one every year since age 7.... He is now 14.


    Quoting justjess1025:

    Our daughter is almost 3.  We have been together almost 5 years.  My son has always been rebellious, my other 2 boys are fine with him and they get along great but the middle one, typical middle child.. one minute they are best friends, the next at each other's throats.  My son doesnt like any authority.  He doesnt like being challenged. From coaches to teaches to us.  His father doesn't want to deal with him so he just gives him whatever he wants, so now he hates us and wants to live with his father.   I am hoping someday he realizes that the ones who have challenged him most are the ones who have cared.  He is exhausting.  My Fiance has no patience with him and has zero tolerance.  While I agree he needs to be respectful I also have tolerance for teens/ attitude and hormones so I can pick my battles vs everything being a constant battle but then it causes problems for me with my fiance.  Sorry, totally rambling.. lol


Moms with Teens