Moms with Teens

emotional-mom
Friendship......
May 23, 2013 at 11:01 AM

My daughter is 16 and an only child.  She has struggled with friends for years.  She had a different group of friends every year.  She has guy friends, but no girlfriends.  This really bothers me and continues to bother me as she has no-one to turn to when the going gets tough and she turns to me.  It saddens me that she is having such a difficult time in school, but she tells me she is fine.  She had a boyfriend and life was good as there was no drama.  He left her for another girl.  Then another boy comes along and they hung out and that boy told her he was ridiculed for being with her.  She later finds out it was girls ridiculing him and he said he didn't like her past and her previous relationships.  There is always some kind of drama with her.  She is very mellow and stays by herself.  She told me she is considered a low key kid and she hangs out by herself at lunch or sometimes she will hang out with her guy friends.  It makes me so upset that she has no friends and hangs out by herself.  Should I be concerned about this?  She does an outside activity and she gets along fine with everyone there.   She tells me she has three lives, school life, home life, and cheer life.  She tells me she doesn't want to share her home and cheer life with school because she doesn't want to be judged and she doesn't want to let people in.  She has a trust issue because she has been burned so bad in the past.  My question is should I be concerned she doesn't have any close friends?  Should I worry about her not having friends?  She does talk to kids at school but she doesn't care to text, call, or socialize outside of school with any girl friends.

Replies

  • boys2men2soon
    May 23, 2013 at 11:12 AM

    I would get her into counseling.    My son was burned by close friends, too.   He has friends, but doesn't let anyone get too close.    He never depends on anyone...just himself or family.   He is the dependable one to his friends.    I wish I would have gotten him counseling when he was a teen.    He is grown.   He is pretty happy, but I see how his reluctance to trust or get close to people has affected him.

  • mt0130
    by mt0130
    May 23, 2013 at 11:36 AM

    My son is an only child also and I see a difference between him and children of larger families. He basically was happy being around other kids at school, but didn't really want to invite anyone over to the house. I think some kids are just like that. I don't think he was ever "burned" by anyone, but not sure because he has never told me he was. He had his school friends but even as of today does not stay in touch with them since they graduated high school last year, now he has his college friends, but I bet he doesn't contact them over the summer. He was never a "texter" either until he got a gf, and then it was the total opposite to the point of annoying! So not sure which is worse! I think you should ask her if she feels bad enough about the way she is being treated and if she would like to see a counselor about it. I think at her age if you tell her you want her to see one she will either withdraw from you because you think there is something wrong, or feel that there is something wrong with herself because you are asking. Just talk about it and hope that she asks to go see someone herself. Some kids are just loners and we as parents I guess have to accept it. Some kids just have their fill of being around other kids during the school day.I had a hard time with this when he was younger, constantly asking him if he wanted to invite kids over, by the time he got to high school I stopped asking. Good luck.

  • Bertieb
    by Bertieb
    May 23, 2013 at 12:49 PM

    You are not alone, my SS is same way. He has never had friends or a girlfriend. I hope that changes in college for him. He went to some counseling but it didn't change anything. He doesn't say anything to anyone beyond "hey" and his cellphone has virtually no usage or texts.

  • VickyJoJo
    May 23, 2013 at 3:21 PM

     I am an only child and I was the same way.  I had my school life, my skating life and my home life and rarely did the lives intersect.   I had friends in each of those areas but we rarely did anything outside the dedicated activity.  I was a bit on the shy side at the time as well.  However, once I got into college I became more social and anyone who knows me now would be shocked about the way I was then.

    My daughter is similar.  She is 13 and has great friends at school, at dance and at the barn where she rides.  But she was burned by a good friend and while she enjoys texting her friends and hanging with them at the various activities, she is also content to be alone when there is down time.  I have seen a counselor to get advice.  Unless your daughter is bothered by this and wants to see a counselor, don't force it on her.  Let her grow into her own person and recognize that some people are like this.  And by the way, I had more guy friends in college than girl friends.  It was fantastic, particularly from a safety perspective because they always looked out for me.

  • emotional-mom
    May 23, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    Thank you so much for the insight VickiJoJo.  I hope this is a high school phase only. 

     I am an only child and I was the same way.  I had my school life, my skating life and my home life and rarely did the lives intersect.   I had friends in each of those areas but we rarely did anything outside the dedicated activity.  I was a bit on the shy side at the time as well.  However, once I got into college I became more social and anyone who knows me now would be shocked about the way I was then.

    My daughter is similar.  She is 13 and has great friends at school, at dance and at the barn where she rides.  But she was burned by a good friend and while she enjoys texting her friends and hanging with them at the various activities, she is also content to be alone when there is down time.  I have seen a counselor to get advice.  Unless your daughter is bothered by this and wants to see a counselor, don't force it on her.  Let her grow into her own person and recognize that some people are like this.  And by the way, I had more guy friends in college than girl friends.  It was fantastic, particularly from a safety perspective because they always looked out for me.


     

Moms with Teens

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN