Moms with Teens

fantasticfour
Being Bullied
May 2, 2013 at 1:55 PM

 I happened to see some bruises on my son's back yesterday.  They look reddish with maybe some purple dots in them.  VERY THIN and definitely bruises and not scratches.  I brought it up to a friend of mine and she said they might be from a locker.  Sounds exactly right.  Now the problem is this: How do you find out who is bullying him and why?

Replies

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    May 2, 2013 at 1:58 PM
    Ask him.
  • vlynn.iowa
    May 2, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    Exactly just ask

  • fantasticfour
    May 2, 2013 at 2:08 PM

     Asking him didn't produce anything yesterday.  I asked him where he got the marks from and he refused to even answer me.  Didn't say a word.  I asked several times where they came from and my husband and I were dumbfounded about it.  I called his counselor at school and he said he would look into it but when I told my friend she thought she knew exactly what it was, and that's what it looks like!  There's nothing here that could have given him those marks, trust me I looked everywhere!  I don't think he's going to tell me.

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    May 2, 2013 at 2:10 PM
    If he won't admit to you there is nothing you can really do except tell him you are there for him if he wants to talk.


    Quoting fantasticfour:

     Asking him didn't produce anything yesterday.  I asked him where he got the marks from and he refused to even answer me.  Didn't say a word.  I asked several times where they came from and my husband and I were dumbfounded about it.  I called his counselor at school and he said he would look into it but when I told my friend she thought she knew exactly what it was, and that's what it looks like!  There's nothing here that could have given him those marks, trust me I looked everywhere!  I don't think he's going to tell me.


  • proudmother5946
    May 2, 2013 at 2:24 PM
    My son had a kid that thought it was funny to stab in in the back with a pencil during class. My son went to sit down at his desk and the kid had put a thumbtack on his seat. Luckily the thumbtack went through his wallet. My son was pissed because it had gone through the picture of his little sister. That's when he told me what was going on. The teacher had no clue that this was going on and took steps to fix the problem.
    Just keep talking to him. When he's ready (or hits his BS limit) he'll open up.
  • fantasticfour
    May 2, 2013 at 2:42 PM

     Thanks.  I don't know who it is or why but I now have confirmation that it is happening.  I hope that we can figure this out and move past it.  All the stuff he's done in the last year are signs of bullying but we haven't been able to get him to tell us he's being bullied but then again we haven't tried to force him to because we weren't sure and didn't want him blaming bad behaviour on bullies if there wasn't any.

    Quoting proudmother5946:

    My son had a kid that thought it was funny to stab in in the back with a pencil during class. My son went to sit down at his desk and the kid had put a thumbtack on his seat. Luckily the thumbtack went through his wallet. My son was pissed because it had gone through the picture of his little sister. That's when he told me what was going on. The teacher had no clue that this was going on and took steps to fix the problem.
    Just keep talking to him. When he's ready (or hits his BS limit) he'll open up.

     

  • kthomasson
    May 2, 2013 at 2:57 PM

     I'm glad you've called the counselor at school.  Ask them to talk to his teachers and others  and have them keep an extra sharp eye out for anything going on- most teachers will if they KNOW to just look. 

    Most kids hate to tell their parents they are being bullied but man, the effects can haunt them for years, if not the rest of their life.  DD was bullied back in 7th grade and she's now in 11th and it still affect her and her self esteem.  I hate bullying and wish so much that kids that do it could just see what an everlasting effect it has on their victims :(


    Quoting fantasticfour:

     Asking him didn't produce anything yesterday.  I asked him where he got the marks from and he refused to even answer me.  Didn't say a word.  I asked several times where they came from and my husband and I were dumbfounded about it.  I called his counselor at school and he said he would look into it but when I told my friend she thought she knew exactly what it was, and that's what it looks like!  There's nothing here that could have given him those marks, trust me I looked everywhere!  I don't think he's going to tell me.


     

  • bizzeemom2717
    May 2, 2013 at 4:23 PM

     Ask him and tell him why you are concerned. If he won't tell you keep trying and be on the look out for more signs

     

  • proudmother5946
    May 2, 2013 at 5:07 PM
    When I was in 5th grade we moved from rural western New York to Houston, Texas. Talk about culture shock. There were houses next to each other, sidewalks and people of different races.
    We moved towards the end of 5th grade so at first school was good. I made friends at school and the new neighborhood. Then they started desegregation. Early 70's. They moved kids from another school into ours and I became an outcast. I was a "Yankee", I spoke differently. It didn't help any when I had to get glasses either. I hated 6th grade. Anything a certain group of girls could do to me, they did. The teacher did nothing. I didn't tell my parents because I didn't think they could do anything about it. I should have.
    I hated 6th grade, 7th and 8th wasn't much better. I was so glad to move to Alaska The summer after 8th.
  • luckysevenwow
    May 2, 2013 at 6:12 PM

    If he isn't telling there isn't a whole lot you can do. Let him know you are there when he is ready to talk, until then....good luck.

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