Moms with Teens

WendyMomOf4
Boundary issues with my 14 y/o DD
April 25, 2013 at 11:00 PM

I would like some advice.  DD is a teenager who at one time I would have bet money she was slightly on the aspergers scale.  I still think that way but she has really grown a lot socially.  Anyway....  here are some issues I am having trouble dealing with:

She lost her phone and iPod due to the excessive texting and social networking sites where her profiles were adjusted to appear older.  Constant communication from boys much older.    Oh and the underwear pics she would send them too.  I did find one pic on her phone that gave me more information about my daughters "grooming" habits than I ever care to know. 

Of course I have the typical issues with refusing to do chores, she comes home from school and eats before I get home and then goes to sleep to get out of doing anything....but this is nothing.

She is in my bedroom all of the time.  She takes my clothes and stretches them out (she used to do this to my size 5 1/2 shoes when she wore a 7).  She will even take and wear my thong panties without a thought.  She just doesn't think it is gross at all.  (She has her own pretty ones)  For awhile I noticed a "package" of stuff I kept on a top shelf of my closet, pushed way to the back, had appeared to be moved.  I convinced myself it was my imagination.  Well it wasn't and I got a very real eye opener one day when I saw the envelope opened and turned to face out.  GOOD GRIEF!!!  She had helped herself to my vibrator several times.  Fortunately, that one wasn't one I used anymore.   Her excuse was one of her friends was talking about one and she wanted to know what it was.  Yeah right.   She didn't think that was gross either.

WTH am I supposed to do with her?  Besides putting a lock on my door how do I get her to respect anything?  Oh, and I did throw the vibe away. 

Replies

  • sahlady
    by sahlady
    April 25, 2013 at 11:05 PM

    honestly I think I would take her to counseling, that goes beyond any boundary issues I expected to read in the post and boarders on some sort of Oedipus complex.

  • WendyMomOf4
    April 25, 2013 at 11:08 PM

     I don't disagree with counselling but she truly does not get it that she can't just go around taking what doesn't belong to her.  This has been an issue for years and years.  I mentioned the Aspergers......  Yeah, that is an issue.   Oh, I forgot to mention the naughty pics sent to various boys.

  • kthomasson
    April 26, 2013 at 1:46 PM

    She honestly does sound a lot like a teen girl I knew who had Asperger's....I think you may be right on target there.  I'm not sure how you get around most of it besides putting a good lock on your bedroom door.  If she's asleep when you get home to get out of doing chores I would wake her UP! 

  • supercarp
    April 26, 2013 at 3:05 PM

    Go back to when she was 2 and start over with her. It's too late now. She needs to get some more interests besides boys immediately. I had 3 teenage girls and they never went into my purse let alone my room.

  • boys2men2soon
    April 26, 2013 at 4:41 PM

    My son has aspergers.  When he was a little guy he did not understand or accept there was a difference between being able to do something & being allowed to do it.   In his eyes, if he was capable of climbing the tree, than he could climb the tree.  He was extrememly literal.        

    He learned the difference, he knows right from wrong and he understands that taking something that does not belong to him is theft.      I assume your DD knows right from wrong, as well.  

    Give her a taste of her own medicine.   Take her things.

  • MJP76
    by MJP76
    April 26, 2013 at 5:17 PM

    Ok so I'm going to state the obvious here, only because you didn't mention it. Have you spoken with her? I mean really spoken to her about it. As in "have a seat, lets talk" ?

    id start there.  

    I mean all of these actions seems so strange to me. None of it is normal behavior. 

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    April 26, 2013 at 5:43 PM
    She needs counseling and serious boundries.
  • GleekingOut
    April 26, 2013 at 8:40 PM
    If she's asleep WAKE HER UP. Take her phone and all electronics off her, keep them in your car locked if need be. Tell her that because she's wasted time that could have been used for chores by sleeping, she will now be getting up earlier to do her chores. Tell her she is not allowed in your room, go through her room within every inch and find all your things. Then take out anything she doesn't NEED and take it. Lock it up somewhere. Let her have the worry that you have when you find things missing.
  • WendyMomOf4
    May 4, 2013 at 7:44 AM

     Oh yes, we have had many "talks".   Many.....every topic.  Even on the vibrator issue. 

  • WendyMomOf4
    May 4, 2013 at 7:47 AM

     I have woken her up and made her do her chores.   HUGE attitude but I have dealt with it to prove a point.  I have taken ALL of her electronics and she doesnt care.  Unfortunately, with a child with Aspergers, her attitude is less like "I got caught and am  now punished" and more like "That bitch took my electronic device".  It is very frustrating because no punishment works.

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