Moms with Teens

Megsnow
is it weird for a kid to act like this before leaving for college
by Megsnow
April 23, 2013 at 3:35 PM
My daughter is really excited about the college she is going to, and is kind of giving up on the year already. Not with grades though, she still has As and Bs but she is fed up with almost everything else. Recently, she and her dad got in a little argument about something petty but instead of quickly resolving it like they usually do she ranted at him about how she was sick of being controlled and that he better start being more respectful. she said she had always been to scared to stand up to him but now she was almost out she wasn't going to just try and deal with stuff without standing up for herself. shes always been a pretty agreeable kid but thats all changed recently now she's almost out of this town and she claims shes just saying the stuff she always wanted to. she's basically ditched the girls i thought were her friends, all she said was she's sick of acting like she likes them. and this guy who i know likes her, i heard from my friend she rejected him pretty rudely. Im so shocked by this, ove never known her to be deliberately rude and i dont know whether to believe she really did hhave such big issues with everyone (though she always hated the small town we live in) or if theres a bigger problem going on. she says that shes sick of acting around people, and she just wants to get to college where she can have a new start. Do you believe this or is it something more i should be worried about?

Replies

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    April 23, 2013 at 4:00 PM
    My house, my rules no matter what your age. Gotta be respectful. Mine did not ditch friends. Dd kept all her friends even when she is at college. May be normal or she may have underlying issues.
  • drfink
    by drfink
    April 23, 2013 at 4:31 PM

    The rudeness is odd.Try talking with her.Kids sometimes cause more friction at home as they internally get ready to leave home.It makes it easier to seperate for some.

    My older two have stayed friends with many h.s. friends but there were a few kids that seemed to drop a lot of friends.

    The extreme rudeness seems a little extreme.There could be issues or her issue may be she is second guessing herself,feeling less confident right now and this is her way to convince herself she made the right choice for her college.This could be even with the perfect choice for college.

  • Bertieb
    by Bertieb
    April 24, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    My ex husband was a school teacher and he said seniors get really stressed and crazy as the year ends. Their entire life is about to change, or they don't have a plan for what is next. Either way, they can act out unusually. I think you should definitely call on her being too rude to  your husband. She still probably expects to be provided for with a roof over her head and financially so she needn't be too much of a smarty pants just yet! If she wants to ditch her friends she is old enough to deal with the consequences, but you might remind her that she could do it gracefully, not burn bridges. We all change a lot over the years and she might end up needing a job or favor or just an old friend someday.

  • fantasticfour
    April 24, 2013 at 12:46 PM

     Sounds to me that she's nervous about going away and instead of missing everyone only to find out they moved on with their lives she's ditching them.  Sounds like the same coping mechinism that some people use when there is a terminally ill family member.

  • hollydaze1974
    April 24, 2013 at 2:47 PM
    I would say completely normal. Freedom is "moments" away in her head. The excitement gets to be overwhelming when they have this little time left.... Think of it as three days of working before a weeks vacation and how excruciating it is to continue " the grind" while dreaming of that break. ( I'm know I've been more inclined to bark at coworkers and have to fight the urge.)

    It isn't " just" college age, my young teen is becoming more snippy and snarky as the year rounds down. His grades are phenomenal, but his home attitude is starting to get a tad unbearable.... Even simple things such as lunch choices or how he didn't set or slept through his alarm are becoming my fault.
    It's just the end of school being so close they can taste it!

    How you handle it is completely up to you as a parent. I ignore what I can and threaten when needed.

    However, I wouldn't be worried .... Personality changes should be expected as your teenager becomes a young adult. None of us hold the same mindset now as we did in high school, and really.., you wouldn't want her to.

    She will reconnect with friends, and come back and forth to you guys ( her parents) until the most comfortable connection is created between all of you.
    Good luck!
  • romalove
    April 24, 2013 at 3:33 PM

    Part of growing up and gaining independence can be a painful split within the family between the child and the parent.  The closer the relationship, the more difficult this split can be, and in order to attain their independence the child can get angry and rail against the parent.

    If it makes you feel better, after they feel independent, they come back and are good again.  :-)

  • DragonInfinity
    April 24, 2013 at 3:43 PM

     I think there is something more that needs to be looked into.

  • iamcafemom83
    April 24, 2013 at 3:43 PM
    Yes. It's called senioritis:)

    My poor mom. I was a lot like this the last year of high school. Do you have any family near by? Sometimes spending a few nights with granma or an aunt might help. It did me, anyways. It gives each party some breathing space.

  • jadedcynic
    April 24, 2013 at 3:44 PM

    She's trying to figure out how to stand on her own two feet.With little time left before she leaves for college, she is trying to make sure she leaves on her own terms. By saying things that you may feel are rude, she is trying to find her voice.

  • jessi2girls
    April 24, 2013 at 3:45 PM

    Sounds very normal for a girl her age.. and honestly I wouldn't be worried because she's expressing a need to be herself.. let her. The only issue I would have is the attitude.. I would tell her flat out, if she wants respect, it has to be earned, by being respectful toward others in the household as well!

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