Moms with Teens

fantasticfour
So mad need some advice
April 4, 2013 at 7:48 PM

 I am so mad I could spit bullets right now.  The birthday girl who has been getting everything her little heart desired and everyone has been pampering BUTCHERED HER HAIR!  Cut about 4 inches off the SIDE of her face.  Just chunked it and then threw some of it in the trash can in the bathroom and some in her room.  I asked her about it and she said she hadn't even known about the hair and had no idea her hair was cut!  Hubby accused older brother of sneaking into her room and doing it while she was sleeping, she's a heavy sleeper and he's been in that type of mood lately.  She sat there and LET HIM take the blame for this while she LIED TO MY FACE.

What do I do?  I am so pissed off, her birthday party is tomorrow.  She's not 4 she's 13.  She did something she KNEW was wrong, and let her brother take the blame for it while she LIED about it!  I want to call everyone up and cancel that party for tomorrow.  Is that too harsh?  I just don't think I should be spending 200 bucks for her friends to go to lunch and then more for pizza, bowling and breakfast in the morning when she is going to LIE to me about this.

Replies

  • Zamaria
    by Zamaria
    April 4, 2013 at 7:55 PM
    I would just let her go looking stupid. It's her hair, so it's her that people will be looking at. Why would she do that even? How did you find out that she did it, not her brother?
  • healingone
    April 4, 2013 at 8:25 PM

    If she is a heavy sleeper, she may have been unaware she was cutting her hair. People with sleep disorders can do all kinds of strange things in their sleep.  Sleep texting.  Sleep eating.  Sleep walking.  etc.  So just be aware that these things can happen and she may really ahve had no clue how it happened.  How bad does it look?  Does she have any reason to be acting out against you or against herself in this matter?  Has she been wanting her hair shorter and it has not been allowed?  Is there some overvaluing of hair?  All kinds of stressors can contribute to strange behavior, that is seemingly inexplicable.  Breathe Mamma.  Breathe.  Her lousy looking hair does not have to affect you this way.  The fact that it does, shows that she may have been needing consciously or unconsciously some power and control in her life.  Breathe Mamma.  Blessings!!

  • MamaSnaps
    April 4, 2013 at 8:37 PM

    Why is cutting her hair wrong? Letting her brother take the blame and lying, those are wrong. 

    Is this really a battle worth picking? If cutting her hair at 13 is going to send you over the edge then there's probably a reason she lied to you about it and when you get to the really shitty part of teens? That's gonna SUCK for you REALLY bad. She's going to lie to cover up everything out of fear that you're going to go ballistic.

    So she cut her hair. She's not out partying with the party crowd, she's not doing drugs, she's not being mean and bullying other people, she hasn't run away, stolen something, been arrested... Is it really a big deal? So she looks like a fool with jacked up hair. There's quite a bit of consequence in that alone!

    She owes her brother big time for letting him take the blame. You might want to really look at WHY she lied. She definitely needs a consequence for lying regardless of why. However, you may want to look at WHY she lied. She evidently wanted her hair cut and knew you'd flip. She's afraid of your reaction. NOT somewhere I'd want to be with a 13 year old kid. Respect you? yes. Fear? enver. 

  • fantasticfour
    April 4, 2013 at 9:53 PM
    Quoting Zamaria:

    I would just let her go looking stupid. It's her hair, so it's her that people will be looking at. Why would she do that even? How did you find out that she did it, not her brother?
    She did it because she wanted to. She finally fessed up when I called hubby (she was with him) and informed him I found more hair in her own trashcan.
  • fantasticfour
    April 4, 2013 at 9:56 PM
    Quoting healingone:

    If she is a heavy sleeper, she may have been unaware she was cutting her hair. People with sleep disorders can do all kinds of strange things in their sleep.  Sleep texting.  Sleep eating.  Sleep walking.  etc.  So just be aware that these things can happen and she may really ahve had no clue how it happened.  How bad does it look?  Does she have any reason to be acting out against you or against herself in this matter?  Has she been wanting her hair shorter and it has not been allowed?  Is there some overvaluing of hair?  All kinds of stressors can contribute to strange behavior, that is seemingly inexplicable.  Breathe Mamma.  Breathe.  Her lousy looking hair does not have to affect you this way.  The fact that it does, shows that she may have been needing consciously or unconsciously some power and control in her life.  Breathe Mamma.  Blessings!!

    She didn't do it in her sleep. She spent the night with my mother, came home, chopped off a good chunk of her hair and then kept it in braids and messy buns to cover it up and then went back to my moms for a few more days. It looked BAD. She took about a 6 inch chunk from the front of her head to about halfway back. She's wanted her hair cut for a while, but she goes through phases. Every time she gets it cut short she likes it for a week and then complains CONSTANTLY about how bad it looks, how she can't do anything with it, how it's always in her face, etc. It's not that she cut her hair that's the problem, it's that she LIED about it and watched her brother be punished for it just so she could go to books a million and get a hot cocoa.
  • fantasticfour
    April 4, 2013 at 10:02 PM
    Quoting MamaSnaps:

    Why is cutting her hair wrong? Letting her brother take the blame and lying, those are wrong. 

    Is this really a battle worth picking? If cutting her hair at 13 is going to send you over the edge then there's probably a reason she lied to you about it and when you get to the really shitty part of teens? That's gonna SUCK for you REALLY bad. She's going to lie to cover up everything out of fear that you're going to go ballistic.

    So she cut her hair. She's not out partying with the party crowd, she's not doing drugs, she's not being mean and bullying other people, she hasn't run away, stolen something, been arrested... Is it really a big deal? So she looks like a fool with jacked up hair. There's quite a bit of consequence in that alone!

    She owes her brother big time for letting him take the blame. You might want to really look at WHY she lied. She definitely needs a consequence for lying regardless of why. However, you may want to look at WHY she lied. She evidently wanted her hair cut and knew you'd flip. She's afraid of your reaction. NOT somewhere I'd want to be with a 13 year old kid. Respect you? yes. Fear? enver. 

    She told me why she lied. Because she got caught on her birthday and didn't want to have to deal with it on her birthday. She just got her hair cut a couple of weeks ago and I OFFERED to have her hair cut for her birthday (today) and she turned me down last week (before she did this) so I took her to the shooting range instead as a surprise. As far as it being the problem that she cut her hair, it's not. She was told to tell me if she cut her hair, and that if she did she can go to bed and if she lied to me and I was going to check, then she would lose her party. She lied. She then was told that hubby believed that the brother might have done it and disciplined him for it. She didn't say anything then either. THAT'S what's got me pissed so much. She is a very loving person. Someone who wants no one hurt ever. Now she's letting her brother get into trouble because hubby things that he went to her room and cut her hair while she slept! I guess the biggest thing I am upset over is that she is the baby. She is also the first one NOT grounded on her 13th birthday. The last one was supposed to go to NY on her 13th and she ended up getting grounded too. I had MADE all the party favors for her friends, gift bags, everything that went in them was customized and made by hand. Soaps, bath salts, fizzies, etc. Then I was looking forward to lavishing her with everything she wanted for tomorrow. Big birthday lunch, dinner, bowling, etc. I wanted it to be memorable. I guess it's memorable now. Just not how I wanted it.
  • lakerfan420
    April 4, 2013 at 10:09 PM
    I would cancel the party. I actually did that once to my now 13 year old when she was turning 10. She had sticky fingers for a while and after she stole $50 from one of dh's co workers days before her birthday, we were stumped as to what to do. It seemed drastic and it broke my heart to do it, but we had to. Nothing else was working. It also sent a message to all of them that we mean business and if we threaten your party, we will do it. And on the bright side, she hasn't stolen anything since. Good luck!
  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    April 4, 2013 at 10:15 PM
    Leave her hair alone. Does she have a cell or computer? Take those away. 13 year olds know better. Is she defiant a lot???
  • MamaSnaps
    April 4, 2013 at 10:32 PM

    Maybe if she behaves and takes care of what she owes to her brother you could re-schedule for next week or the week after as a reward for making the right decisions. 

    Quoting fantasticfour:

    Quoting MamaSnaps:

    Why is cutting her hair wrong? Letting her brother take the blame and lying, those are wrong. 

    Is this really a battle worth picking? If cutting her hair at 13 is going to send you over the edge then there's probably a reason she lied to you about it and when you get to the really shitty part of teens? That's gonna SUCK for you REALLY bad. She's going to lie to cover up everything out of fear that you're going to go ballistic.

    So she cut her hair. She's not out partying with the party crowd, she's not doing drugs, she's not being mean and bullying other people, she hasn't run away, stolen something, been arrested... Is it really a big deal? So she looks like a fool with jacked up hair. There's quite a bit of consequence in that alone!

    She owes her brother big time for letting him take the blame. You might want to really look at WHY she lied. She definitely needs a consequence for lying regardless of why. However, you may want to look at WHY she lied. She evidently wanted her hair cut and knew you'd flip. She's afraid of your reaction. NOT somewhere I'd want to be with a 13 year old kid. Respect you? yes. Fear? enver. 

    She told me why she lied. Because she got caught on her birthday and didn't want to have to deal with it on her birthday. She just got her hair cut a couple of weeks ago and I OFFERED to have her hair cut for her birthday (today) and she turned me down last week (before she did this) so I took her to the shooting range instead as a surprise. As far as it being the problem that she cut her hair, it's not. She was told to tell me if she cut her hair, and that if she did she can go to bed and if she lied to me and I was going to check, then she would lose her party. She lied. She then was told that hubby believed that the brother might have done it and disciplined him for it. She didn't say anything then either. THAT'S what's got me pissed so much. She is a very loving person. Someone who wants no one hurt ever. Now she's letting her brother get into trouble because hubby things that he went to her room and cut her hair while she slept! I guess the biggest thing I am upset over is that she is the baby. She is also the first one NOT grounded on her 13th birthday. The last one was supposed to go to NY on her 13th and she ended up getting grounded too. I had MADE all the party favors for her friends, gift bags, everything that went in them was customized and made by hand. Soaps, bath salts, fizzies, etc. Then I was looking forward to lavishing her with everything she wanted for tomorrow. Big birthday lunch, dinner, bowling, etc. I wanted it to be memorable. I guess it's memorable now. Just not how I wanted it.


  • tyfry7496
    April 4, 2013 at 10:43 PM
    Keep the party but any gifts she's receives gets taken away. She also has to make it up to her brother. I'd even make her write out the dictionary pages for respect, lying, responsibility, disappointment.

Moms with Teens