Moms with Teens

Dealing with DEATH and or HORMONES or maybe BOTH
February 8, 2013 at 2:20 PM

the last 2 years has been really crazy for our family. my uncle died from cancer. 3 months later one of our family friends lost their daughter, son-in-law and unborn grandchild in a house fire and my daughter was very close with thier daughter. then 3 months later a very close friend that my kids called their uncle died in a car wreck. my grandmother who we have lived with since before my kids were born almost died, but now she is bed ridden and isn't going to be with us much longer(she is going to be 80 in may if she makes it that long). my kids are crazy about her, they say she is their best friend and can always talk to her about anything. on july 5th of this year our aunt died. then a week after my birth day my real dad got ran over a killed(my kids knew him but not as well as they know my step dad). still he was their grandfather even thought they didn't get to see him very often. in octobor one of my daughters friend killed himself in the town park here where we live, which is right behind the highschool and all the kids heard the gun shot. then this past november our uncle passed away right after thanksgiving. my youngest duaghter seems to be doing ok. but my oldest one is not. i don't know if it's all the death mixed in with hormones or what but she's just not been herself lately. also on top of all this one of her best friends moved and she doesn't get to see her that often or talk to her like she use to and her other friend lives about an hour away doesn't get to come over as much any more or call her on the phone as much cause she is busy with school and helping take care of her mom. i just need some advice about how to talk to her with out us always fighting and also want to get her to come out of her room. she use to never be a type person that stayed in her room all the time, she was always outside or doing something with us but here lately she just wants to be alone and stuck in her room. and always has an attitude about everything. i will call her to tell her something and she gets an attitude with me weather it be to tell her something good or get her to come help me with something. sometimes i just feel like pulling my hair out cause of her attitude. on top of all this i had a hysterectomy in july of of this year and that makes me and her not click very well sometimes. SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR WRITING SO MUCH!!! ALSO THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ALL THE ADVICE I GET BACK.


  • amonkeymom
    February 8, 2013 at 2:33 PM

    Oh goodness, I am so sorry for all of the loss that your family has been through these past few years.

    Have you considered taking your daughter for some counseling to help her deal with the grief over all of the things that happened?

  • minky9600
    February 8, 2013 at 2:38 PM

    she's been talking to the counsler at school. i don't have the money to send her to a counsler outside of school. i wish i did have the money for one though.

  • Jessiejack
    February 8, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    What about support groups for kids with loss? We have camps, church groups, school run groups and many many more support groups for kids. They cost nothing to attend. Please look on line and find something to help your child deal with all this loss. You are to close to it all to be strong and help her through it. As moms we always want to be our childrs backbone but right now you need to find someone that is not so emotional and tied to it. I am so sorry for all your loss. I hope your daughter can find the help she needs. Even if you are not religious call your local church and see if they can help. 

  • fantasticfour
    February 8, 2013 at 2:58 PM

    I would simply start by going into her room when she's in there and lay on the bed being quiet.  I do this when something is bothering my little emotional ball.  When she asks what you want, just tell her, I could use a hug.  More than likely your daughter needs one but YOU asking for one, softly and quietly will give her the excuse to get one. 

    You can do this on a regular basis, quiet, nonintrusive, and simply be around her.  Mine has come to the conclusion that as much as a wild person I can be, sometimes it's ok to slow down.

    How are her grades?  How is school going?

  • minky9600
    February 8, 2013 at 3:13 PM

     she was a straight a and b student but here lately it's b's and d's and maybe one f.

  • fammatthews4
    February 8, 2013 at 3:23 PM

    it sounds like she may need grief counceling to deal with everything that has happened.  Google grief support groups in your area and see if there is one specifically for kids.  Do you belong to a church?  That is another place she could get grief counceling

  • mamabear0791
    February 9, 2013 at 9:33 PM

    I am so sorry for your losses. It coudl be a combination of everything coming at once. We, too had a time of grieving (stepmom, mother-in-law, close friend, aunt, and cousin all in one month) plus 18 others in a matter of three years. My daughter had to go to counseling for about two years to deal with all the grief. Your daughter may need it, too. There should be a counselor or therapist who works with low-income or no insurance cases that may be able to help her. 

    One other suggestion - a grief support group for youth may help also.

    I'll keep your family in my thoughts!

  • Sweet_Carol_126
    February 9, 2013 at 10:13 PM

    Your family has had a lot going on and it is understandable that you and she are both upset and a bit overwhelmed.  You may need to get some counseling for your daughter.  If you have a school psychologist, you might see if the can get some counseling.  With suicide and so much going on, she needs the counseling so she doesn't get too depressed or give up. I don't know if you need counseling or not but she has had some problems with her friends that you don't have.    Good luck to you.


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