Moms with Teens

out of control 15 year old
February 5, 2013 at 8:38 PM
My dd is 15 and a freshman in high school. She never turns in work and has bad grades. She goes to tutoring and I watch her do the work but she doesn't,t turn it in. She has a 1.5 gpa currently.

We also have taken everything away tv,laptop,cell phone. She can't hang out with friends. All she has in her room are a bed clothes and books. We punish her but she just doesn't care. What should we do now?


  • momto2inflorida
    February 5, 2013 at 8:58 PM
  • Frustrated1126
    February 5, 2013 at 9:23 PM

    I am sorry for what you are going thru.  Maybe you guys can try theapy, maybe there is more going on than just peer pressure?

  • sabrtooth1
    February 6, 2013 at 12:52 AM

    Has she ever been tested for learning disabilities, psychiatric or emotional disorders?  Could she have been abused?  Has she always been this way?  Did it just start?  Have you talked to the teachers?

  • NightOwls
    February 6, 2013 at 1:39 AM

     Have you considered homeschooling her?

  • fantasticfour
    February 6, 2013 at 9:24 AM

    Well I have no advcie for you because mine did that and I decided to let him fail and he started stealing.

  • MrsBLB
    by MrsBLB
    February 6, 2013 at 1:45 PM
    Quoting Frustrated1126:

    I am sorry for what you are going thru.  Maybe you guys can try theapy, maybe there is more going on than just peer pressure?

    I was thinking the same thing.
  • vlynn.iowa
    February 6, 2013 at 3:18 PM

    One of my daughters did that as a freshman.  We got her into counseling, banned her FROM her room (she had to be in a room with or near some other family member), had her put her completed work in a manilla folder with the class name on it, AND personally walked her to the classroom at the start of the day to watch her turn in the papers.  Nothing like being seen in the hall with your father in tow first thing in the morning.

    To be honest, that helped for the remainder of that year and carried over a little into the next.  She still has not completely broken the habit of not turning in work though.

  • LoveonHollySt
    February 6, 2013 at 3:21 PM

    I was like that when I was her age.  Alot of it was depression, anger, and everything that goes with that.  I didn't talk to anyone and was very stand off-ish.  Does any of this sound familiar?  If so try to sit her down and talk with her (not at her or to her)  and try to have her help you figure it out.  This is not going to change overnight.  Is there anything that is going on in the house or at school that could be causing this?  This behavior does not just pop up overnight so there has to be something that she is stewing over and cannot let go.  If talking with her doesn't help try getting her to agree to see a psycologist (I like the term Personal Counselor).  Sometimes it is easier to talk with someone outside of the family.  Punishing is good but it will not help to figure out the root of the problem.  There is something else going on.

  • boys2men2soon
    February 6, 2013 at 7:46 PM

    Get in touch with her teachers and make a plan.   Ask them to sign off on each assignment she turns in. 

    Do you have a copy machine at home?   When she finishes each assignment, have her make a copy for you.  Tell her if she doesn not turn the assignment in, you will walk into her class and do it for her.    When she has Mom walk into the class in the middle of it.....she may decide it is less embarrassing to turn it in herself.

  • Neuro
    by Neuro
    February 7, 2013 at 6:34 AM

    I had the exact same problem at 15. My parents punished the living hell out of me but I just got used to it. I accepted not having a computer or phone or any of that garbage as just how my life was gonna be. Obviously she is not that attached to her stuff, or not as attached as you think she is.

    My problem was that I didn't want to do the work. I learned the material (save for Math) but I just hated having to write out gazillions of definitions of words that I knew before even going in to the class. I had no routine, I was lazy, I didn't give a shit. Then again, I was always a gifted student. I had no trouble learning the material, but all of the work was tedious and stupid.

    First, open up a line of communication with teachers so that you can keep track of every homework assignment and every work assignment.

    Second, set aside table time, 1-2 hours a day, after she gets home from school and keep a list of her homework assignments and give her that list and have her do it, coming in to check on her every 10 minutes or so. Make sure she does it. If she doesn't, then tell her that you will have her stay after school to do it. Home or school.

    She'll resist and she will fucking hate it but eventually the routine will get established and she will be able to do this stuff on her own. That might take months. This is what I had to do for myself to ensure that I got all of my homework done because my Mom didn't give a shite.

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