Moms with Teens

KarenR
Advice Needed: What if you don t like the boy your daughter...
by KarenR
January 15, 2013 at 9:01 PM

What if you don't like the boy your daughter thinks she's in love with? Do you let them date? She is 17 - almost 18 and hopefully still going to college in the fall!

Replies

  • zacmacsmomm
    January 15, 2013 at 9:34 PM

    Yea I would still let them date, otherwise you open up a whole new can of worms.  All you can do is be honnest and keep an open line of communication with her, remind her of her goals and dreams.

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    January 15, 2013 at 10:14 PM
    Of course I do. She is almost an adult. You have zero say. They usually wise up.
  • annie2244
    January 15, 2013 at 10:32 PM

    I don't call the shots on who my DD's hang out with, their choice of girlfriends, or their choice of boyfriends. Never have. But I've always had discussions with them about who they choose, and why, and what I admire and what I have concerns about in those they select. Those conversations are very useful - to get them to see themselves at active, discerning selectors of those they spend time with. To get them to reflect on what qualities make someone a good person, a good friend, a good romantic partner. It's up to them to choose to act on our conversations. And over time they usually do. But they are in the driver's seat for this. I only help them reflect.

  • fantasticfour
    January 15, 2013 at 11:17 PM

    It all depends on why you don't like the person.  I did my best to seperate my oldest from the little liar he dated, didn't work and it took YEARS for him to see that she was the problem.

  • sahlady
    by sahlady
    January 15, 2013 at 11:20 PM

    I agree with this.  If it is just a personality issue that is one thing.  If it is a mater of her being in danger that is completely different.

    Quoting fantasticfour:

    It all depends on why you don't like the person. 


  • luckysevenwow
    January 15, 2013 at 11:28 PM

    If we're talking a personality conflict, I stay out of (my DD's relationship). If it's because they are a REALLY bad influence then I will try to put roadblocks in place without actually coming out and saying I forbid it.

  • Barabell
    January 16, 2013 at 11:11 AM


    Quoting annie2244:

    I don't call the shots on who my DD's hang out with, their choice of girlfriends, or their choice of boyfriends. Never have. But I've always had discussions with them about who they choose, and why, and what I admire and what I have concerns about in those they select. Those conversations are very useful - to get them to see themselves at active, discerning selectors of those they spend time with. To get them to reflect on what qualities make someone a good person, a good friend, a good romantic partner. It's up to them to choose to act on our conversations. And over time they usually do. But they are in the driver's seat for this. I only help them reflect.

    I agree with this. I have also tried to have candid talks with my son about his choices in friends and to think before he acts, as opposed to dictating who he can hang out with.

  • IndianaWynette
    January 16, 2013 at 12:10 PM

    Yes, She is too old for you to mak her decisions at this point unless he hit or abuses he then I would put a quick halt to it.

  • KarenR
    by KarenR
    January 16, 2013 at 1:10 PM

     Thanks for the advise!

  • KarenR
    by KarenR
    January 16, 2013 at 1:21 PM


    Quoting fantasticfour:

    It all depends on why you don't like the person.  I did my best to seperate my oldest from the little liar he dated, didn't work and it took YEARS for him to see that she was the problem.

    He tries to manipulate/control who she is friends with and situations. She is usually independent so it surprises me when he controls her like that. I guess if I try to dictate who she can or cannot date, I am no better lol :) It is sooo hard to sit back an watch though.


Moms with Teens