Moms with Teens

DesignerMom1326
Totally SHOCKED, caught my 17 year old daughter half naked with boyfriend in house! Eeek!
November 22, 2012 at 2:32 AM

Hello,

I have a 17 yr old daughter who recently just got her first bf- We have met the boy properly, and is a very nice well rounded boy. We have not let our daughter go out alone with him alone except to his home when his parents are there, mostly they just watch movies and hang out.

Today however, as they were at our house- and my husband decided to go to the store for something- I think they thought I went along because after 15 minutes I decided to get something upstairs in my room in the middle of talking to a friend on the phone- walked up the steps and passed the family room and from the corner of my eyes saw the two SCRAMBLING to get dressed. I did not see much- I think I saw him run to the bathroom across the way- But did see my daughter with only her bra on and no shirt trying to put it back on!

I was on the phone so I felt awkward to react and just kept walking... I did not say anything the entire night- not to the kids nor my husband who who'd flip if he knew! Later the boy went home said goodnight to my husband and I but looked at me a bit embarassed- then my daughter never said one word and went to her room.

I trust my daughter and the boy but kids are kids and teen hormones do sometimes trump all sensibility- we have all been there. Now I am at a loss on where /what to do from here? Do I act like nothing happened, as if I really did not see anything, do I actually tell her I saw what happened? What do I say, where do I even begin?

Do I talk to the boy too? This is all new to me as she is our eldest, so I am in the middle of wanting to be a responsible parent and also not loosing her trust and confidence to open with me on anything. Although this subject, I don't think she will freely discuss with me anytime soon.

PLEASE PLEASE I need some advice how to proceed- this is such a delicate situation- i dont know what to do. Appreciate any advice, thoughts on this... Thanks!

Replies

  • goodnightmama
    November 22, 2012 at 2:37 AM
    I do not have teenage kids but what if you went into her room and just had a talk with. Learn how she is feeling, what her plans are, and let her know you expectations. Maybe.even reassure her that this will stay between the two of you unless it happens again that is when you will need to bring dh into it. I dont know like I said I dont jave teenagers yet. Good luck
  • DesignerMom1326
    November 22, 2012 at 2:42 AM

    Thanks for the response! I was thinking of just that - giving her a more in depth"TALK" and make sure this does not happen again. I mean honestly I cannot forever monitor that aspect - I just want her to know that no matter what she can come to me.

    Funny how absolutely "normal" this really is- but at the same time how competely "abnoramal" I feel for having witnessed this ! 

  • DarlaHood
    November 22, 2012 at 3:35 AM

    Do NOT ignore it and say nothing.  Your dd is normal.  85% of teens have sex before graduating high school.  You need to go in and talk to her, and let her know that while it did catch you off guard, and you aren't condoning it, you are not going to freak out.  Then you need to discuss with her protection, birth control options, STI's, and respecting yourself within relationships.  Is she going to feel comfortable with her choices if he dumps her tomorrow?  Has she thought this through?  Make sure you take her to get birth control.  If she says she doesn't want to talk to you about it, just let her know that's not an option.  You have to talk.  There are really reliable easy options for birth control, such as the nuva ring and patches.  With the nuva ring, they only have to remember to put it in once a month and take it out once a month.  So you don't have to rely on her remembering every day.  Get the latest STI information on line, and make sure she knows how prevalent Herpes Virus and other infections are, so she will be careful.  And tell her to be more careful and private if they don't want to create awkward situations.

  • DarlaHood
    November 22, 2012 at 3:36 AM

    btw, if they were having a quickie while they thought you and dh ran to the store, it most likely wasn't the first time.  That's a pretty high comfort level.

  • bizzeemom2717
    Jen
    November 22, 2012 at 4:41 AM
    Great answer Darla, I agree, also from here on out keep the line of communication open so there isn't any awkwardness when you have to discuss important issues. Good luck

    Quoting DarlaHood:

    Do NOT ignore it and say nothing.  Your dd is normal.  85% of teens have sex before graduating high school.  You need to go in and talk to her, and let her know that while it did catch you off guard, and you aren't condoning it, you are not going to freak out.  Then you need to discuss with her protection, birth control options, STI's, and respecting yourself within relationships.  Is she going to feel comfortable with her choices if he dumps her tomorrow?  Has she thought this through?  Make sure you take her to get birth control.  If she says she doesn't want to talk to you about it, just let her know that's not an option.  You have to talk.  There are really reliable easy options for birth control, such as the nuva ring and patches.  With the nuva ring, they only have to remember to put it in once a month and take it out once a month.  So you don't have to rely on her remembering every day.  Get the latest STI information on line, and make sure she knows how prevalent Herpes Virus and other infections are, so she will be careful.  And tell her to be more careful and private if they don't want to create awkward situations.

  • mumsy2three
    November 22, 2012 at 7:47 AM

    Great advice here.

    Quoting bizzeemom2717:

    Great answer Darla, I agree, also from here on out keep the line of communication open so there isn't any awkwardness when you have to discuss important issues. Good luck

    Quoting DarlaHood:

    Do NOT ignore it and say nothing.  Your dd is normal.  85% of teens have sex before graduating high school.  You need to go in and talk to her, and let her know that while it did catch you off guard, and you aren't condoning it, you are not going to freak out.  Then you need to discuss with her protection, birth control options, STI's, and respecting yourself within relationships.  Is she going to feel comfortable with her choices if he dumps her tomorrow?  Has she thought this through?  Make sure you take her to get birth control.  If she says she doesn't want to talk to you about it, just let her know that's not an option.  You have to talk.  There are really reliable easy options for birth control, such as the nuva ring and patches.  With the nuva ring, they only have to remember to put it in once a month and take it out once a month.  So you don't have to rely on her remembering every day.  Get the latest STI information on line, and make sure she knows how prevalent Herpes Virus and other infections are, so she will be careful.  And tell her to be more careful and private if they don't want to create awkward situations.


  • luckysevenwow
    November 22, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    Don't ignore, have the talk. Honestly you should have hung up the phone and had the talk right that second.

  • MrsBLB
    by MrsBLB
    November 22, 2012 at 10:38 AM

    Definitely talk to her.  Keep the lines of communication open always.

  • 1BoyManyGirls
    November 22, 2012 at 3:28 PM

     Oh wow. I can't even imagine the awkwardness and embarrassment the both of you are feeling. The only 100% sure thing to do now is to talk to her and get her on BC if she in't already.

  • Jess0915
    November 22, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    First, you really have to talk to her dad. I know, not easy, but it's important. He needs to know what's going on, so he doesn't find out the way you did. Maybe take him out on a date, so he's out of the house. Second, I understand you trust your daughter and want her to come to you, but you have to step in and be the parent here. Even if it's an unpopular choice. She's treading troubled waters and you need to know what's going on. After all, if she already came to you about everything, she would have told you she was getting naked with this boy. Now is the time she needs a mother, not a friend. You need to talk with her dad and if you think he can handle it as well, sit her down and talk with her, the three of you. Open, honest conversation, and lay down a plan. Just don't be too judgmental with her, she still needs to know you stand by her side, even if you are not thrilled with every choice she makes. Discuss what they have already done, if they are already sexually active or not, and BC. Perhaps a trip to the doctor is in order to check her out and discuss various types of birth control. Discuss her feelings, does she love this boy? Does she see a future with him? Try to reassure her that her feelings are important to you. I know it's tough, but if you don't talk now, you'll be talking in the office of an OB about your grandchild coming way sooner than you want.

    Good luck hun!

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