Moms with Teens

vampjezzabell
My 13 year old wants my ex and his GF to come for Thanksgiving.
November 19, 2012 at 2:15 PM

I know some of you read and responded to my long intro post about my 13 year old not too long ago. I mentioned how I had suggested that all of us go to dinner or something once a month just to show Sky that we can all be ok with each other. One or the other of them felt uncomfortable with that, which I undertand. Recently his GF had Sky call me while they were both together to ask me to go work out with them and I couldn't because I had already made plans to get together with my best friend that day whom I rarely see. That wasn't the only reason I didn't go. I didn't go because it was so last minute and I couldn't seem to wrap my head around hanging out at the gym of all places. To me working out is something you do with people you know a little better and I was nervous about it. But I agreed to go yesterday (a week after the first invite) and it was odd, but alright. That said, Sky mentioned to me that she wanted to invite her father and his girlfriend over for Thanksgiving. My response was...I wasn't sure how either of them would feel about that. It might be too uncomfortable or awkward. When we were at the gym she brought it up to both of us which tipped me off that she had already asked the GF before yesterday. He replied this morning via email saying this: (He is hispanic so pardon the grammar)

"I don't think for us to be going to your gathering will be appropiate. I'm pretty sure that it'll make Mary very uncomfortable and i don't want to go thru it. On my side of the coin, i'll say that i have to decline the invitation, there's no attachment for me to your side of the family, and viceversa,  no disrespect, but is the way it is. But thanks for the invite, i do appreciate it.  I hope that Sky will understand and no create any rencor inside her that might deepen her issues, which it constantly worries me."

Is it bad that I am INCREDIBLY relieved by this? Was the following response from me ok?

"I do understand completely and after thinking about it I feel the same way. I talked to Cory about it and though he would do what ever I wanted he would also feel uncomfortable and I don't want to do that to him. I don't think it will deepen any issues for Sky. I myself would also feel uncomfortable and I just don't see any need to put any of us through that. It would have gone against my better judgement and it was really giving me trouble and I knew it would give you trouble too. It's just one of those things that sky will need to understand."

Replies

  • luckysevenwow
    November 19, 2012 at 6:02 PM

    I think it would have been great if all parties involved did it for the DD. Could you guys compromise? Maybe dad and Girlfriend stop in and just have dessert with dd? 

    I do understand though where everyone is coming from. It really is a hard spot to be in.

  • vampjezzabell
    November 19, 2012 at 6:29 PM

    Yeah I mentioned just doing that and thought about it. I would have gone through with it for Sky - I really would have, but I also know that doing it before everyone is ready would probably be more difficult than we're all prepared for. Baby steps I think.

  • 02nana07
    Ida
    November 19, 2012 at 6:31 PM

     I agree or maybe they could come friday when it would just you without other family making it awkward

    Quoting luckysevenwow:

    I think it would have been great if all parties involved did it for the DD. Could you guys compromise? Maybe dad and Girlfriend stop in and just have dessert with dd? 

    I do understand though where everyone is coming from. It really is a hard spot to be in.

     

  • PurpleHazey
    November 19, 2012 at 7:51 PM

    Can you handle it?

  • drfink
    by drfink
    November 19, 2012 at 7:52 PM

    It would have been nice but I have a bil and sil that will meet his former wife and her now husband with the kids and a few friends thrown in at a casual place like Fuddruckers maybe twice a year.It satisfies something for the kids.They sit at a big table ,lots of kids and it goes well.Maybe yall could try something like this.They are very pleasant towards each other for their children.

  • PurpleHazey
    November 19, 2012 at 7:52 PM


    Quoting luckysevenwow:

    I think it would have been great if all parties involved did it for the DD. Could you guys compromise? Maybe dad and Girlfriend stop in and just have dessert with dd? 

    I do understand though where everyone is coming from. It really is a hard spot to be in.

    Sure is.

  • vampjezzabell
    November 20, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    I do hope to be able to work toward being able to get together once a month like I had suggested before. A neutral place like some of you suggested seems much less "threatening".

  • Wyndi
    by Wyndi
    November 20, 2012 at 1:41 PM

     How about have a small get together the day after for coffee and dessert away from the house and make that a new tradition with DD and the Ex and his new GF and your new BF (if you have one)

  • HeartofGold
    November 20, 2012 at 1:50 PM

     I think the both of you handled that very well.

    When two parents split everyone has to come to terms with the change. Part of the change is the children now have two separate families that celebrate special occasions separately. Children will naturally want their bio parents to be together on special occasions. They need to learn that not everything will go the way they want it to. They can ask for what they want but when all parties are not comfortable with it then, when they ask, is the perfect opportunity to help our children to understand the change in the family dynamic.

  • robyann
    by robyann
    November 20, 2012 at 9:29 PM

     I think you handle it very well.

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