Moms with Teens

singlel
Help me to protect my son...
by singlel
November 18, 2012 at 3:34 PM

I really need help and as much advice as possible on this.

My son is 13 and was diagnosed with PDD at the age of 11. for those who don't know that's (Pervasive Development Disorder). For the first 8 years he was just said to have ADHA and just be a very active kid. At the time I was going through a lot of life ordeals, and my solution would be to spank, cuss, and punish. I had two older children girls that I had never had these experiences with. a lot of the experiences I was told to chalk them up to him being just a boy.  Now to the real meat of the issue, my son's father my ex-husband. Well the truth of the matter is I don't really want to call him that because we spent more time apart then together so a marriage is something we never really had. I meet him at 14 and we were best of friends, and I never seen him as nothing more then that. we got along perfectly. I had a baby at 16 and was really struggling with talking care off her. He had been there for me helped me when he didn't have a secure place to lay his head at night. He was was in and out of foster care and then one night the worst thing ever happen, he was put in a situation were he was forced to defend his life and with him doing so he took someones. Now without you having the full understand of what happen I'm sure I might get mix reviews on that. But honestly thats not where the help is needed. See when he went to jail we lost contact, but 2 years before he was due to be released he reached out to me and we reconnected this time in a major way. When we reconnected I had another daughter and when we talked I was really going through a rough relationship spot. lets just say he got me at a vulnerable place. To speed this up a little he confessed that he was in love with me then and had never forgotten about me and wanted us to try to work on something once he came home. Well we didn't wait we got married while he was there i got pregnant as soon as he came home and the world as I thought it would be went down hill from there. I not only was was lied to and cheated on I was mentally, physically, and emotionally abused. During and after the birth of our son, that was born at 26 weeks 1 pound 11 1/2 oz due to a blood clot that could have killed us both. Time went on he went back to jail for assault on a officer because I had called the police because he was assaulting me so you know what I did when he went to jail.... No I stayed :(.... waited it out visits, phone calls high phone bills taking my kids to the jails once again to spend there weekends with a man they called DADDY...

So that day came the day my man my soul mate my husband will be released again to right the wrong he had done because he now understand what he did and he's going to do it different this time. Yeah he did, he sure did do it differently, because before he would just  cheat, lie, and mentally and physically abuse me... Oh but he learn a better skill while he was in jail one that was good because he learned how to put all off them together in one. And that's how he learned  to manipulate my mind to make me think some how some way this was going to work because after all we been through together it got to get better, and nobody can make me feel the way he makes me feel... ( you better know that's a statement I will live by now and forever),  Well on night the ultimate night that I should've seen coming he did it. See when he and I would fight before it would be a push a slap a choke. And I'm here to say anyone that knows me will tell you I'm no push over. He would grab, push, slap, or yell at me, I'm right back at him ready to fight not willing to back down even though I knew I couldn't win,so that's why for so long he had my mind thinking when he said "well you hit me too look a the scratched and bite marks". Because I was made to believe I was no better then he was.

But this night was out of the ordinary because he was always the one that wanted the family image to LOOK perfect and everyone to be envious of what they thought I had. This night he didn't care, this night I was drugged out of the club at a friends birthday party we were at made to get in the car, after the whole side of my hair was ripped out of my head till I bleed. and beat as we drove down the street, my face busted against the steering wheel, to the point my contact lens came out. When I was able I had my other cell phone in my hand because he took the one he knew I had, so he didn't suspect anything and when he was driving yelling but not watching me, I dialed 911. They located us and arrested him. This happened almost 7 years ago and now he's soon to be released, this time no probation, no parole, no nothing he has done all his time. He says he's a different person and he wants to be a part of his son's life. He wants me in his life but I'm not an option. Even though as crazy as it sounds i still love him and haven't been involved with anyone because the pain he put me through has cut me too deep so I just cant. But here is where I need help..He says he wants his son in his life and at one point my son didn't want any dealing with him. As he's getting older he is on the fence with it and I'm worried because one I don't feel his fathers intentions or genuine, and two he has used my son before to get thing like phone numbers and other information when I tied to let him have a relationship with him and this was just 3 years ago. I just said no to a relationship with my son until he is able to make good decision.  I just need to make sure how I'm feeling is not solely on how I feel towards him and its just whats best for my son. 

Replies

  • tyfry7496
    November 18, 2012 at 3:49 PM
    Do what's right and not allow a relationship. Your ex is an abusing manipulator. Get your son in counseling to deal with his disorder. IF your son wants a relationship with his father have someone supervise all visits and communications.
  • singlel
    by singlel
    November 18, 2012 at 4:05 PM

    See my son is easily swayed because he has real abandonment issued. I didn't say this in the post because I first it  was long enough. But because of the ordeal I went thought I now don't have a relationship with my oldest daughter. she started to act out and when she turned 18 she left and our relationship has been a wreck ever since. She blames me and says I put him before her and that's a piece of my life I've tried to fix but that's beating a dead horse I can't make a correction on the past I can create a better future, But now she hasn't seen her brother, she talks to him when she makes time, but she likes about when that will be. He's very charismatic and charming and if you sit with him for 10 min you will be under his spell. No one in my family wants him involved with my son so they won't help. I'm getting a protection order so he wont know where I live and can't do it here. And with strangers my son will shut down and really just cling to him because he will be the only thing formula and the manipulation will be easier. 

  • MrsBLB
    by MrsBLB
    November 18, 2012 at 7:42 PM

    Have you had any counseling?  I would get everyone in to see someone.  

  • drfink
    by drfink
    November 18, 2012 at 10:23 PM


    Quoting MrsBLB:

    Have you had any counseling?  I would get everyone in to see someone.  

    Agree.

    Depending on what your son's counsellor would say would be a start.If the councillor thinks it is a possibility then the three of you go to family counselling .Only then with input from a professional third party make a decision.Other wise no based on his dads history there is too much risk for your son from his father.

  • robyann
    by robyann
    November 19, 2012 at 8:56 AM

     You really do need to prtect your son from this man! Don't allow him to see him. Just because someone is a bio dad, doesn't mean they should have rights! He doesn't deserve to see him or have any relationship with your son. If you allow him in your son's life, thereby you are allowing him in yours. You know how abusive and manipulating this guy is, can you imagine how he can manipulate your son! He will only use your son to get to you, he will manipulate your son, and leave him hurt and confused. If his father really wants a relationship with your son, he can get an attorney and take you to court for visitation. Please do everything you can to keep this "man" away from your son!

    I have a similar situation (sorta), abusive, manipulative man. Father of my son....I regret every day that I thought it was good for my son to know his father....he uses my son, who is now 22 years old, he is always asking him for money, for rides, about me and my current dh. He makes my son feel sorry for him. I really wish I had cut this man out many years ago....

     

  • Barabell
    November 19, 2012 at 10:33 AM

    You and your kids do need to go to counseling, and you should not let your 13 year old be around him.

  • cat4458
    by cat4458
    November 19, 2012 at 11:01 AM


    Quoting Barabell:

    You and your kids do need to go to counseling, and you should not let your 13 year old be around him.

    This

  • boys2men2soon
    November 19, 2012 at 6:28 PM

    I fail to see how any contact with that man could possibly be good for your son.

  • mumsy2three
    November 19, 2012 at 6:29 PM

    agree~

    Quoting boys2men2soon:

    I fail to see how any contact with that man could possibly be good for your son.


  • PurpleHazey
    November 19, 2012 at 7:36 PM

    Stand you ground....do not allow it

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