my 11 yr old

[maengle]

My sons are 11&8. They get into physical fights! I try to stop them but they just go around. One lives with dad, one with me. I just don't know what to do any more! And of course I try not to take sides. I've made them hold hands, tell each other reasons they LIKE each other and what makes them mad.
someone help!!

[singlel]

Question does one live with dad because of the fighting or another reason. the reason why I'm asking is because if the separation is making them one grow-up in different lifestyles. No matter how you my try to keep it on the same page if your son who's with his dad his doing things that most boys want to do with there father there is going to be resentment. And vise verse if the attention your giving the one that's with you shows precedent over the others, even though we know that's not the case. Kids don't see it as such and their only recourse is to act out. I would say maybe more time with them together with their father because at their ages he needs to be guiding them into manhood. And you will be there to show them how to be well rounded young men. 

[maengle]

I had them both move in with dad a few years back due to me being in an abusive relationship. That way I would get out without my kids being around it.
After I was back on my feet the younger one moved back with me but the oldest wanted go stay at dads so we agreed it would be OK as long as things worked and grades were good and so on.
Oldest now wants to move back with me and dad is fighting it cuz he don't wanna pay cs.
Anyways, the younger one does have issues because dad pretty much favors older son.
I do what I can to favor both but sometimes its not always easy. If that makes sense! I'm not a perfect momma but I try.

[MrsBLB]

That's tough, it would benefit everyone if you and dad were on the same page.  It doesn't sound like that's gonna happen any time soon tho.  You just gotta get them both home, and I would get into counseling right away.  Good luck, keep us posted.

Welcome to the group, glad you joined us  :)

[maengle]

Thanks :)
I figure my boy ain't just yet a teen but he acts alot older then most his age so what the heck why not? Lol

Quoting MrsBLB:

That's tough, it would benefit everyone if you and dad were on the same page.  It doesn't sound like that's gonna happen any time soon tho.  You just gotta get them both home, and I would get into counseling right away.  Good luck, keep us posted.

Welcome to the group, glad you joined us  :)

[PurpleHazey]

Been there but good news is they grow up and out of it.

[maengle]

I sure hope so lol I can't handle much more :(

[fantasticfour]

Siblings fight.  What are they fighting about should be the priority here.  We are working through my son (step) who goes after his sister alot because his mother favors her (alot).  Have to get it through his head that is isn't HER fault that she is being favored.

[maengle]

The funny part is they fight over nothing. The last fight started over a slap bracelet!!

[mumsy2three]

I think it's pretty common among siblings. I have 10 and 7 y/o sons. One minute they are the best of friends, the next they are taking each other down for one reason or another. When they fight like they they go to time out, if that doesn't work they lose screen time (tv/computer/video games, ect).

[robyann]

 It's pretty normal for siblings to fight, especially boys. Although it may be partly due to the living situation. The older one wants to come back to live with you, but is not being able too. So he is mad that his younger brother gets to llve with you, so he takes it out on him.

Get with their dad and see what you two can work out together. Maybe have both boys at the same places at the same times. Like when it's dad's time he has both boys and when  it's your time you have both. Sorta a split thing, aka shared parenting.