I am so lost and so hurt and so sad that I don't know what to do with my 19 year old son. He's had motivational issues since middle school. He is working part time and going to a local college part time. I just found out he is failing in both classes, could be involved with drugs, and sexually active. He got his driver's license suspended for accumulating to many traffic tickets. He said he is depressed and suicidal. He has tatoos and pierced ears and he is also an Asian. He has a heart of a gold and a Christian. I would like to meet up with a group locally with moms and their teens to talk and find a way to help. Please help me.
by amonkeymomOctober 12, 2012 at 3:13 PM
Maybe encourage him to talk to someone at the health center at his college or pay a visit to his regular doctor.
He's 19 and an adult- there's not much you can do about it. You can ENCOURAGE him to find a young adult group in church, or see a Dr, or a therapy group but you can't force him to do it.
You can stop supporting him and his habit. If he is living at home he MUST....have a job, pay rent, take X classes with a C or better... whatever your rules are. If he can't follow the rules... I hear there are some nice bushes to sleep under at the park. My kids have all volunteered at the local homeless shelter and food pantry. My 14 yo WENT OFF on a pissy tirade one day so I told him I would escort him over there if he didn't like the conditions at home.He changed his tune real fast! LOL (Of course I legally cant do tht at 14, but he didn't know it!)
by texasjenOctober 12, 2012 at 5:45 PM
Counseling, Counseling, Counseling ..... or intervention..... what ever you want to call it. He needs guidance right now. I know I am going to spell this wrong but there is a group Alon, that you can get involved with that will help you with support. The counselor will point you in the right direction at least to a local support group. Since you said he is in school, there are counselors on campus that could help you with this also. If your son is unwilling to join in, you have to go, at least for yourself. That way you all can get better. HUGS !!
I would encourage him to make an appt. with his doctor, who can recommend a counselor, and a support group for you. If you believe he is suicidal.......take him to the hospital.
It sounds like he is just passing time, and not taking any accountability. Does he have any idea what he wants to do with his future? Perhaps a trade? College doesn't seem to be his interest. I would not foot the bill for college if he isn't serious.....and since he can afford tattoo's and piercings, he can pay his traffic tickets. Do not 'bail him out'. If he wants his license, he has to earn it back....his tickets, his responsibility. Same with college classes. He is a big boy, he must be held accountable for his choices.
by DarlaHoodOctober 13, 2012 at 2:35 AM
I'm sorry because it's probably not what you want to hear, but the pp's are right. At 19, he has to decide he wants more for himself. You can get support for yourself, but you can't really help him. IF he decides to help himself, then you can support the positive steps. And as others have said, you can stop supporting his poor decisions. But that's pretty much it. If he is addicted or dependent upon a drug, then you can try to convince him to go to treatment. But if he's smoking pot, or partying and doesn't think he has a problem he may not be open to treatment. Usually for 19, 20, 21 year olds, things have to be extreme before they will admit or recognize that they have a drug problem.
I wish you luck. If you do find that he is using a drug like meth or opiates (vicodin, oxycontin, percocet, heroin), or coke - basically anything highly addictive, then you need to get to an al-anon group ASAP! You want to make sure you are not becoming part of the problem, and you will need support and help with boundaries.
by tyfry7496October 13, 2012 at 1:33 PMI agree. He's an adult now and needs to act like one. All you can do is encourage him to get help.
What does him being Asian, having tattoos and piercings, and having sex have to do with him failing school?
If he's failing then it is his problem, if you're paying, stop paying. It's time for him to grow up.
by 21lisa72October 13, 2012 at 3:43 PM
At 19 I had a full time job went to school part time paid for it on my own with loans, I dropped out for a few years till I got serious about what I wanted to go for rn took out more loans went to school full time even in the summer baby sat to make money while I was in school. I had my own car payment to take care of and other bills as well. My mother would not help me with anything clothes school etc and I had to do chores to help her in her home up till I graduated and got married a month later. I dont plan on paying for my sons college unless he really needs help because he has learning disabilities and adhd still I want to make sure he is serious about school so the loans will be in his name if he does well and graduates If I am financilably able I will help him pay it back.
re: the depression get him to a psycologist and psyciatrist asap-psyciatists are best first because they rx meds